It's only my third day here so, go easy on me. LOL.
Seriously, my new doubts have made it harder and harder to go in service. A few months ago, when a new month rolled around, I realized that I hadn't actually gone in service at all the previous month. I didn't want to deal with the garbage of meeting with the elders and I wasn't (and still am not) ready to express my doubts to my family or the elders. So I fudged it.
Has anyone else ever done this? Or am I some kind of deviant?
P.S. I have to tell this quick story. I was in the grocery store last night before the bookstudy and for the first time I didn't feel sepearate from all the "worldy" people in the store. I saw each one of them as a real person, full of life. I didn't feel disdain or distanced, I didn't keep my head down to avoid eye contact. Hell, I was wearing my suit so I even returned glances from two women who were checking me out. I've never done that before, I always looked away. Ha ha!
I can't believe how great it is to feel the shackles coming off.