When it finally registered that you did not really have the "Truth" after all, what went thru your mind?
When things "clicked", what was your emotional state and what did you about it?
Describe Your Feelings When You KNEW It Wasn't The "Truth" After All
by minimus 52 Replies latest jw friends
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hamsterbait
I remember during the 90s, after Freddies death, and the resoution of the Bethel Pwer Struggle.
Every time a major doctrine fell, I would feel kicked in the belly. But managed to push it to the back burner to simmer.
Gradually other minor and less minor things were shown to not be true, and were accepted in due course.
A gradual slicing away of my conviction. Then one day I just remarked to myself. None of it is true. But by then I had adapted and evolved so as not to feel cult inspired fear.
Funny though, that certain triggers can get me fantasizing about the baby-fertilized paradise parody.
HB.
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R.F.
Relieved. There was something that was pulling me away from the Borg for a while, something that just made me feel as if I didn't belong. Once it finally clicked that it wasn't the Truth I never felt more relieved, free, and happy in my life.
I also must say that I had boughts of anger and frustration because of the fact that I knew ones I loved were being deceived, yet I was the one that was thought to be "becoming someone different".
I'm much calmer about the situation now and always remind myself that I was once brainwashed as they are.
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Crumpet
I was 29. I thought
Oh my god - there is NO god! (I knew there wasnt anyway)
Oh my god - I just spent/wasted the last 19 years trying to kill myself! (Gutted)
Oh no way - my parents and sisters are all in and believe. (Distraught)
Hurray - I did something right by leaving! (Proud)
Hmmm - how do I make the best of having missed out on an education, career, purchasing a home, establishing any kind of security, sustaining any long term relationships without sabotaging them? (Surviving)
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BlackSwan of Memphis
Sad, confused, scared.
Sad because I had spent my life believing it and wanting to believe there would be a Paradise where people would have no more illness and death.
Confused because there were so many conflicting theological ideas running through my head and I didn't know what to do.
Scared because I knew that the time left with my loved ones would only last so much longer.
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free2think
When i first realised, when everything clicked into place, i felt angry and like the rug had been pulled out from under me. I was in shock. Then i just felt angry and robbed. So i decided to start seeing my counsellor again. She helped me to start focusing on where i wanted my life to go from here.
Now i feel grateful and free.
Ooops also forgot to say i felt so relieved too. I could stop trying so hard to be friends with people i really just didnt get along with and had nothing in common with. Growing up i always felt i didnt belong so it felt really good to be free of that.
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Hermano
For me, the bumpiest part of the emotional rollercoaster was reading Crisis of Conscience. By then I hadn't gone to a meeting in a year, and I had no interest in being a witness. Still when I read that book, all the feelings started coming up in me; anger, shock, depression, more anger and shock. It was like my whole world view crumbled. I realized I had been living a lie. My whole life up to then had been based on lies. I also felt relief because Ray had noticed the same things I had, and he had some of the same concerns and issues I had. And up intil that point I thought I was the problem, not the "Truth."
I think it would have affected me deeper except I was already on my way out. Still it was quite a shock.
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Hermano
Also, this site helped tremendously because I read others posts as they realized it was a lie. And I could hear the same emotions from them. It helped with my healing.
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Dismembered
Describe Your Feelings When You KNEW It Wasn't The "Truth" After All
Why those goddamn pukes!
Dismembered
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FreedomFrog
I didn't have much of a trauma experience with it because I "felt" it being wrong when my parents came in. I was around 6 or 7. I went along with it because that's what my parents told me to do. I remember asking ones that would say they felt Jah's spirit. I never did and I couldn't no matter how hard I tried. I stayed in for the longest time because I was afraid of losing my family and friends.
The "trauma" part was when I did lose my family. The thing that helps me is having my kids. I was lucky enough to have not believed for so long that I didn't have too much bitterness or heartaches. I was ready to come out when I had the opportunity.