"Honey, how was the meeting?"

OnTheWayOut

Do any of you with spouse or close family in ask the question? Sometimes? Regularly?

I often ask the wife that question. I hardly ever used it as a springboard to a long discussion where
I tried to point out the flaws of the doctrine (until recently).

The wife's answers are "Fine." Sometimes, they are light good gossip she heard about an
engagement or something. She never got into the meat of the meetings- I think it's for two
reasons. She doesn't want to force anything on me, bringing on argument as she really wants
to maintain our relationship. Also, she doesn't pay all that much attention to it, but is just
"there." My mother pays keen attention and I never ask her about meetings, as it would lead to
discussing why she should shun me.

Even the DC and CA. The wife doesn't talk about it. So, recently, I ran a thread on the big Service
Meeting part where the FDS doesn't "endorse" groups doing outside research.
(http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/142073/1.ashx ) I did push for
discussion with the wife. She responded as the thread showed, but still doesn't like to bring up
any witness stuff.

I had this thread which discussed how the elders refused to "eat" with me:
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/141876/1.ashx

When the wife asked me to go the the next JW gathering, I told her about what the elders did
and why they did it. She was there, but nobody noticed- it just looked strange.
She said I was reading way into it, defended them saying they wanted to be alone with the
speaker and his family. I tried to prove her wrong (gently) but as I made headway, she was
done speaking of it.

Anyway, what kind of conversations do you have with your family members?

WingCommander

On The Way Out:

First, I have to say that I like reading your posts. Second, your wife sounds like a totally unsupportavie, holier than thou, spoiled bitch with a negative attitude and needs to have her "thinking readjusted." My I recommend that you enforce your God-given authority as "head of the household," in order to tell her how you REALLY feel about her blowing off your observations, research, and feelings.

Just by your posts about her, I can only gather what a for a close-minded robot she must act like. I'd rather get a divorce than live how you do, and we on here probably don't hear 1/10th of what you probably have to put up with.

Sorry, just my 2 cents.

- Wing Commander

OnTheWayOut

Thank you Wing Commander. I am not looking for a divorce. The physical relationship is great.
After careful planning on my part, she doesn't run to the elders to complain about anything that
needs investigation over me. She (so far) respects my right to avoid the meetings.

Yes, in some ways you are correct about her being a "close-minded robot." I can only defend
her to the point that I was one, also, not so many years ago. We nurtured each other's feelings on
that, so I don't hold it against her now.

Most of my recent depression (and I am not normally a depressed person) has had to do with
whether I could continue in the current situation. I will continue to press toward fully "worldly"
and see how it goes.

Plus, I am the bread-winner. While she has the education, I have managed to earn more money
than her. I loved her for all the right reasons. I can continue to put up with her. And on the
practical side, it is currently "cheaper to keep her." I would have fun being single, but deep
down, I love having my current wife by my side no matter what.

Thanks for the thoughts, but no, I am alright. (Disclaimer: subject to change without notice)

AK - Jeff

WC - I must disagree. I don't read the same thing into what OTWO writes. What I see is a man trying to hold it together for the moment. I actually see his wife as far more liberal than most Jw spouses. And it seems to me that it may be just a matter of time before she too exits. She has part of it figured out. She has educated herself in spite of the WTS doctrines. She has a career, and a good one. And she actually supports OTWO from a minor perspective by understanding that he has 'faded' and won't be back.

As far as the question you asked, OTWO. My most recent encounter with my Jw relative [sil] was a complete and total shunning. I went to eat at a Chinese restaurant today, and she and another Jw came in. Both worked diligently not to look my way. Finally, while my SIL was at the food bar, I called out to her in greeting. Twice. She refused to make eye contact or speak. Now there's a bitch.

Jeff

Shawn10538

Why don't you start initiating sex right before meetings? Then make that the only time you do.

oompa

I can continue to put up with her.

Wow, that's a great discription of a wholesome happy marriage, kind of like mine, and yes there is a money/practical factor that is bothersome to consider. I hate to say it, but that little comment seems to overide just about every other positive point about your marriage. I was asking "how was the meeting" and "so what did you learn today" but as another poster pointed out, this gets old for her too.

good physical is good though....oompa

Nowman

OTWO,

Here's my 2 cents...I hope that OTWO's wife comes to JWD someday, and I hope she does not run into wing commanders comment, because if it were me, it would hurt my feelings, hey I am human. I think OTWO's wife is a JW with doubts, there is fear in her for obvious reasons. I do not get the impression that OTWO's life is horrible or that his wife is a spolied bitch??? I think its important to speak and have an opinion but WING COMMANDER, have some tact. I think your post is insulting and rude.

Based on this, I now have an impression of what Wing Commander is like and I never even met him!

Nikki

Open mind

Hey OTWO,

I haven't gotten that impression of your wife either. I hope she is able to read here someday as well.

As for the "How was the meeting Honey?" question, I'll have to wait a while. Perhaps my wife and I will both end up fading at the same rate and never have to go through that. If not, I'll let you know when that time comes.

Hang in there though OTWO. You've taken a stand that sends a message all on its own. As a result, you can't talk with her as much as I can with my wife. OTOH, my actions haven't sent as strong of a message as your's have.

The family dynamics are different for everyone.

Take care my friend. As always, feel free to PM me anytime.

Open Mind

ex-nj-jw

OTWO,

I don't get the same impression as WC does about your wife.

I don't know you or her of course but from your posts I don't get the feeling that life is horrible for you, other than having you wife still in. My hubby was never baptized and we both left at age 18, so I can't relate or even imagine being in your position.

I can speak for being married, for 21 years and although our marraige does not have to complication of the JW org, we do have our fair share of problems. But I love my husband very much and could not imagine my life without him. You probably feel the same way. So I hope you can find a way to finally get her out, but in the mean time, keep loving your wife for who she is. Show her that you are still the man she married and fell in love with and it has nothing to do with being a Jdub.

nj

Quandry

Second, your wife sounds like a totally unsupportavie, holier than thou, spoiled bitch with a negative attitude and needs to have her "thinking readjusted."

Youch!!! This attitude may be a bit extreme.

On the Way Out, it sounds to me like your wife is very reasonable. She does not rant and rave and demand that you return to meetings, etc. She cannot help but stay in as she does not know the things you do. You are wise to proceed slowly. What if she was the one who left first? Would you, as a loyal dub, be as understanding of her? Points to ponder.

Love never fails. We shouldn't marry someone and then dump them if they don't agree with us 100% on everything. I think you are doing great. It is a wonderful gift to have someone who loves you as much as your wife seems to. Keep up the good work.

"Honey, how was the meeting?"

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