"Honey, how was the meeting?" (page 2)

flipper

ON THE WAY OUT- Mr. Flipper here. First of all, I'd like to ask a sincere side question to any forum administrators here, or their assistants, where are you when we really need you??? We have this Wing Commander dude here who just called OTWO's wife a "spoiled bitch" in response , and I've seen many other posters raked over the coals for much less offenses !! Message to Wing Commander, drop the calling another guys wife a "spoiled bitch" comment! It's totally disrespectful of any man to do that, and if you had done that to my wife, I'd climb through my computer and give you the needed attitude adjustment !!! Jeez! O.K. I vented, done.

Back to the subject. OTWO- My mom is a witness from 55 years back, but a cool lady who you can talk to about anything, and she'll never judge you. She is not overboard with the witnesses. As you know she just had the operation so my older elder brother and his wife are luvey duvey to Mrs. Flipper and I for being supportive to the family with mom's medical crisis. That being said, I feel my older brother is self righteous enough and controlled by the organization, I don't ask him anything that goes on. I feel discretion is the better part of valor here, would rather let him bring up any subjects, it's called playing it safe! But mom, if the subject is brought up respectfully, you can talk with her about anything. So I imagine it's the same in your witness family. There are some you can probably talk with more than others. Other respectful posters are right though, just show your wufe you love her, and in time my friend, she may tire of the org. like others are. Peace to you, good luck, Mr. Flipper of the respect all other guys wife class. Peace out.

bigmouth

WingCo. Return to base. You're grounded. You put that F22 back where you found it and we'll retrain you on Stearmans for a while.

OTWO, you take over for the restrained answer.

TheListener

Wow OTWO you started a nice little thread and it has blossomed into a mini bonfire.

Sort of like the question "Honey, how was the meeting?"

I used to ask my wife. A mix of her being embarrassed that she didn't remember what was discussed and the gossip boring me caused me to stop asking. I think we're both happier I don't ask. When something of interest occurs she lets me know (meaning gossipy stuff, nothing spiritual).

Most dubs don't pay much attention at the meeting. Attendance is all that is mandatory to enter God's kingdom. All the other stuff is done for the purpose of showing off your spirituality like a peacock. A tired dub, or a bored dub can excuse away any amount of spiritual lethargy by internally rationalizing: 'hey I attend the meetings, and that is what Hebrews says to do.'

Marriage is like one of those really long and confusing math formulas that professors write on multiple chalk boards. Each marriage has its own formula. Every variable changes every situation differently. That's why we have to use love, kindness and consideration for our mate to help us navigate our way. I think you do that.

Many of us love our spouses very much. But, that love doesn't blind us to the realities of life. We can love our spouses but also find frustration with some aspects of their personalities.

I think you're doing a great job so far of trying to live your life, allowing your wife to peacefully live hers and striving to maintain a strong marital bond. The WTS intentionally makes that dificult to do.

Good luck buddy.

OnTheWayOut

I can continue to put up with her.
Wow, that's a great discription of a wholesome happy marriage, kind of like mine, and yes there is a money/practical factor that is bothersome to consider. I hate to say it, but that little comment seems to overide just about every other positive point about your marriage.

I already addressed WC. I am moving on.

I am sure oompa is empathizing with me. I truly believe in love, but there is also reality.
People drift apart by different rates for different reasons, usually leading separate lives until the realize they
want a divorce. Some people divorce without trying to work it out. Some people stay together without
working it out, and some people shouldn't be together. Sometimes, the two people in love get divorced over
issues like money and sex (instead of cheating). I explained that the sex was not an issue and money
would be more of an issue if we divorced. It is not something I am considering. Thank you, everyone else
for recognizing it isn't necessary. Let's all move on.

"I can continue to put up with her," was perhaps not a fair comment but I said it so I will live with it.
She currently can continue to put up with me. That is also true. While I have JW issues that strain our
relationship, she has plenty to complain about concerning me. I won't get into it, but it's there.

I only would contemplate divorce if she violated my trust. One of the ways might be helping the elders to
remove me with a DF. I am certainly not looking forward to that. I would go to marriage counseling before
divorce. Anyway that's not the issue. It would be difficult for me to find another intelligent and beautiful
person who could put up with an overweight, balding, impotent, womanizer (or whatever my problems might
be as I am just throwing you all off- or am I ? ).

Can we go back to the topic?

oompa

"I can continue to put up with her," was perhaps not a fair comment but I said it so I will live with it.
She currently can continue to put up with me. That is also true. While I have JW issues that strain our
relationship, she has plenty to complain about concerning me. I won't get into it, but it's there.

OTWO---you are a good honest man. We all say things at times we really may not mean in earnest. Any marriage is better if each party can "put up" with the other when it is warranted.

Now, back on topic...My question asking was to get my wife to think of course, and although it may get old, maybe she will realize the meetings are getting old (without me).

willing to try anything....oompa

OnTheWayOut

Now, back on topic...My question asking was to get my wife to think of course, and although it may get old, maybe she will realize the meetings are getting old (without me).

While I gave my own example in the thread opener, I was hoping for others' insight on how they
approach things with spouses or other family members.

Personal feelings- the poster of the thread who uses his/her own example invites criticism. That's why
I remained restrained after the first answer. If I invited opinion, I don't want to get mad when someone gives it.
Granted, it was not quite what I was asking for. WC did make me think though, about how much more
difficult fading is than people think. DA/DF'ed people have these issues, too. I just wanted people to say
how they face family on a daily basis- especially after meetings.

jgnat

I'll answer the question and ignore the judgements on the state of your marriage. I reserve my harshest criticisim for those who are considering marriage. New couples have the greatest freedom to walk away. Once you are bonded to someone, It's worth the effort to work things out.

I use "Honey, how was the meeting?" a lot, followed up with, "Did you have fun?" and lots of smiles and cuddles. I use that time to establish myself as neutral and harmless, as Steve Hassan suggests. My husband is most in JW-mode when he returns from the meeting.

Where I differ, is that I don't use the questions as an opening to debate. I save that for midweek and other times away (vacation, etc.), when he is farthest away from their influence and most himself.

OnTheWayOut

Thanks, JG

I went a bit far on the FDS endorsements meeting because her answers were so shallow.
I need to go back to not using the friendly question to lead to debate. I like "Did you have fun?"

When I dropped my wife at a one-day assembly out-of-town, she asked what I would do all day
before picking her up. When I picked her up, I described a very fun day.

I should make sure to have some "fun" while she is "enjoying" those top-knotch educational
sessions at the Kingdom Hall.

carla

Done the debate thing in person, letters and phone, done the nicey-nice thing (Hassan), done the pissed off just stay the hell away from me, done the 'pretend nothing is wrong -Oh were you gone somewhere?' thing, done the ..... done......done.......... all of it, been there tried it. What it comes down to is the jw has to be the one to decide that truth is more important than the org. As for hoping for the day a jw will think the spouse & children are more important than the org I wouldn't suggest holding your breath! as the previous thread on Prince has shown exactly how it is for the non jw. It is a hard place to be to understand that you will never be number one in your spouses life again (if ever for long time jw's) that the org, cong & elders will ALWAYS have precidence over you and children. If the jw had to choose between their own spouse & children or the org, the org would win every time. The cult destroys natural affections between family & spouses. Not to say they don't exist just not in a normal way. I know, I have seen both ways with the same person.

I have noticed a number of folks who no longer put much stock in Hassan's methods, basically they are saying they don't work. You could say they didn't give it enough time but then again if the cult member leaves after a significant amount of years and the family has been trying Hassan's methods, was it the fact that the cult member left as many do after an amount of time in a cult or Hassan's methods?

OnTheWayOut

have noticed a number of folks who no longer put much stock in Hassan's methods, basically they are saying they don't work. You could say they didn't give it enough time but then again if the cult member leaves after a significant amount of years and the family has been trying Hassan's methods, was it the fact that the cult member left as many do after an amount of time in a cult or Hassan's methods?

I loved the first book, and the method of the second book is very long term. I tend to agree with you, Carla.
RELEASING THE BONDS seems to be better for hardcore cult members, but it is still valid. It just doesn't fit
the circumstances for many JW families, as they have regular interaction with the world at home and on the
job and think differently from those separated totally.

Still, subtle questions are better than "no questions allowed." I was hoping posters like you would say how it worked
or didn't work for them. Thanks.
hardcore cultists.

"Honey, how was the meeting?"

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