"Honey, how was the meeting?" (page 3)

carla

Getting them to think is the best, I believe. I have heard from those whose spouse has left physically (the cult) but mentally they never quite give it up and the old cultish beliefs & doctrines plague them for their entire lives. Resulting in sporadic but intense bouts of guilt and feelings of inadequacies as a human being worthy of life, love and happiness. Granted we all have feelings of self doubt and possible self esteem issues but as you know when your eternal salvation is at hand and what the jah of jw's has to think about you the result is greater than the normal 'am I good enough' feelings the noncultist goes through.

Metamorphosis

On the way out - you and I seem to be in a similiar situation. My wife is very similiar to yours in that she still believes even after a few discussions of very topics, but doesn't like to rock the boat between us.

Also - we have a great relationship outside of this spiritual difference - so again, like you, I have no wish to leave her.

Keep posting your experiences and I'll try to do the same. Hopefully one day we'll both be able to celebrate freedom with our wives. Until then perhaps we can pick each other's brains for ideas.

Funny side note on the Sep KM. I purposely printed out a copy from the internet and left it laying on my desk where she would see it BEFORE we got our official copies. I know she picked it up and read it because it was out of place one day. The other day she brought home our copies from the Hall and said ' well now you can get it from the horse's mouth'. So she knows i probably got it somewhere i shouldn't have and that i have a problem with it. Like your wife she seems content to not say anything and let me find my way - but hopefully it causes her to look into it deeper than she might have.

Morph

franzy

hey metamorphosis-

thanks for posting your experiences re your wife. i find
open mind's approach of "gradualism" to be very thoughtful
and loving, not to mention compelling reading as well.

perhaps my favorite topic to read on this site. keep
posting about it. i'm pulling for ya!

minimus

Often I ask my mother, "how was your meeting"? She used to be thrilled when she would share her time there but eventually she realized clearly that I think the JWs are a cult so if I do ask her I try to be nice.

Gregor

I have suggested this before for men in your situation. I think it could be very effective for you. Prepare by reading 1 Peter chap. 3. Then focus on verses 14-15-16. Read all three verses to frame the context of vs. 15 " ...be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear."

Hey, I'm no Fred Franz but this scripture seems pretty easy to understand. Peter starts this letter by reminding everyone of all the fantastic things that this new born faith was promising, the return of Christ, redemption for all, etc. The above verses make perfect sense...

v14-"A lot of people are going to ridicule you and your strange ideas, they may even persecute you. What should you do?? Don't fret, be calm and unafraid v15-YOU MUST HAVE A CLEAR UNDERSTANDING IN YOUR OWN HEART SO YOU CAN LISTEN TO THEIR QUESTIONS AND TRY TO EXPLAIN YOUR BELIEF, ALL IN A SPIRIT OF HUMILITY AND RESPECT. v16- If you have done this to the best of your ability and they still treat you badly, you will shame them by your reasoning in peace and good faith."

Obviously Peter was referring to hostile, adversarial opponents to the faith. People who made no bones about their opposition to the new belief. He was not talking about people who were just asking nice questions during a free home Bible study.

So, isn't it revealing that the WTS doctrines are so weak they have to counsel JWs to NOT EVEN LISTEN to those who question their faith. (I picture a five year old with his hands over his ears while he chants, 'blahblahblahblah'.) And if they write down their questions on a piece of paper and hand it to you then you must not even open it. Tear it up and throw it in the garbage just like the photo in the Watchtower shows.

Remember 1 Peter 3:15 the next time you have an encounter with her.

Mrs. Witness

Good topic OTWO! I am always tempted to say "how was your meeting" or upon his returning from service "did you recruit anyone today?". I never do, though, because he would either see me as being sarcastic or get into a huge discussion of some stupid topic covered at the meeting that I couldn't let slide. I prefer to be sound asleep when he gets in on Tues & Thurs! And on the weekend, I'm too busy with the kids or gone when he gets home. I am guilty of avoidance, I guess...but to keep the peace, you sometimes do what you have to...

White Dove

My daughter is teaching me how to ooo and ahhh about the meeting when relatives ask me about them. She is a very good sucker upper with no guilty place in her. She does what needs doing and that's that. I, on the other hand, am a very bad liar and am easily guilted.

Sunspot

I need to go back to not using the friendly question to lead to debate. I like "Did you have fun?"

THIS brought back a memory or two! Every so often hubby used to ask ME "did you have fun" when I got back from a meeting. I would always have to hesitate and sayd not really. He would then why did I go three times a week if a wasn't having fun?

Having to explain WHY I went and that it wasn't seen as "fun", and the whole bit.....it was a difficult question to answer.

As years ~~dragged~~ went by, I often wondered MYSELF.....if, realistically, I ever WAS enjoying myself at all with all the time I spend there, because I sure was not having FUN.

hugs,

Annie

OnTheWayOut

...upon his returning from service "did you recruit anyone today?"

Mrs. Witness, they hate the word "recruit." While it is accurate, I only use it
on JWD, and I use it here extensively to remind me and others what their
field service really is all about.

Anyway, just to avoid fueling a fire, I don't talk in JW language and I don't talk
in language that reveals the cult to the wife. I say, "How was the literature study
with such-and-such householder?" "How was the magazine placement work?"
"Did you place a bunch of flyers (DC invitations)?"

I never do, though, because he would either see me as being sarcastic or get into a huge discussion of some stupid topic covered at the meeting that I couldn't let slide.

I wish my wife would start these conversations going instead of avoiding talk of the meetings.
I could let some slide and other times, I could make a point. If I even thought there was a
chance she would talk about the meetings, I would still follow along with a schedule and with
WT Comments from JWD. I would be ready for the occasional exchange of thoughts. As it is,
I have to force the issue every now and again.

you sometimes do what you have to...

I understand that. You have to keep the peace.

garybuss

The Witnesses are not concerned about "truth", they are concerned about "right". Separate truth from the right. Ask them if this is true or right. They'll justify something absolutely crazy by showing that it's "right".

"Honey, how was the meeting?"

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