The fade is over, talked to my parents last night. (very very long)

by Paralipomenon 70 Replies latest jw friends

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  primitivegenius

  wow...... that was handled in the very best way possible. i tried to just fade and when they asked the questions i evaded untill it was a direct question. then i told them how the cow eats the cabbage. funny thing is.......... they preach that you must always be prepared to make a defense for jehovah........ and i never did...... untill i became a christian. now it takes the pressure off.......... no need to be prepared.... just impossible NOT to speak up about god.

  my parents dont call untill someones dead...... and last time since the person was worldly....... they didnt even call then.

  there is now a grandson in the picture........... i refuse to allow any sort of brainwashing... and he will never be alone with any of them untill they have left that cult........

  good luck and god bless
• 

  oompa

  What a freaking great ending. He is proud of you? And he lost your cards? My only question is why was this conversation necessary? Was it just a burning desire to say "I don't believe anymore?" or was it something else? Those initial reactions were scary bad...so sorry.

  Third edit now... your post was great...not long at all. I see you are Jedi and apparently not active for some time. I will go back and read some of your posts. Your dad seemed to kind of expect this..Why? And did you just drop this bomb of info on them at once? I have been bringing up point/doubts/questions with my folks for over a year now, but don't know if that is the best way.

  best wishes....oompa

  and damn it I am a son too, and I have a son..df'd but still my son
• 

  free2think

  Wow good job Para.
• 

  tula

  So long as you don't say you want to leave the organization in front of two witnesses, there's nothing they can do.
  
  What's this? Is my father actually giving me advice on how to fade?
  
  He continued "so long as you don't disassociate yourself in front of two witnesses, I don't see this being a problem"

  seems to be a paradox here.

  They are both witnesses, right?

  So either they must turn you in or be accomplices.

  So it would seem.......
• 

  Paralipomenon

  Thanks for the support all.
  
  OM: My parents are in their mid sixties, loaded in debt with no money aside for retirement. I asked my dad on another occasion what his plans for retirement were and he he said to drop dead while working. Saddened me.
  
  Megsmomma: Whether they agree with me or not, my dad would respect my handling it maturely. He asked me how I would raise my children without the witnesses so I asked him how he thought I was doing so far without them. He nodded his head and said I'm doing a much better job than he did.
  
  In all, I was expecting some sort of feeling of freedom, but I don't feel it yet. They chalk me up to yet another one of Satan's victories, my mother looked at me and said "You're making the wrong choice here, you only have a few short years left, I want you to enjoy them" Now I feel like they view me as a dead man walking so I'm not sure if that's progress yet.
  
  In all I always thought I would be able to walk away from my family if they were prepared to shun me, but when there I found myself making compromises so we could stay a family. I am not completely free of the organization and realizing I'm not quite as strong as I thought I was. In all it doesn't feel good yet, but I know it will.
  
  I have a very unforgiving conscience, so it's hammering me now for disappointing my parents, I just need to wait for it to settle down before I can start feeling good. Thanks for all the support it's really appreciated.
• 

  Bobbi

  Come home early baby and I'll make you feel all better. wink wink
  
  
  Bobbi
• 

  Paralipomenon

  oompa: My wife only recently left (2 months ago) I was fine with keeping up appearances as long as my wife was still there. Now with both of us out, our kids will not be raised witnesses and I don't want the kids to be ashamed of the holidays around their grandparents or coaching them what to say or not say when we visit.
  
  You're right, things really aren't going to change much at all, but I would rather they hear it from me than when one of our sons blurts out about his birthday party at family supper. They've never deceived me, I couldn't do the same to them.
• 

  megsmomma

  " I always thought I would be able to walk away from my family if they were prepared to shun me, but when there I found myself making compromises so we could stay a family. "

  When THEY shun YOU.....you don't have a choice but to walk away...or keep getting burned. I think the compromises you make to stay close are very smart to do.....as long as it doesn't hurt you or your immediate family.
• 

  AK - Jeff

  Wow, Para.

  I am so damned proud of you. This is not easy to do. But I am of the same mindset. I could not keep my mouth shut [but I didn't have active parents inside to deal with].

  Your dad's comment is very positive - the one about two witnesses and that without it you would be ok. He realized of course that there were two witnesses sitting there that could get you DA'd. He is willingly skirting 'official policy' to turn you in. Hooray for that. That is major. I suspect that the disappearance of your pub cards might be more than a coincidence also.

  Keep us informed. This could go a few differing directions - but I know it must feel good to get it off your chest and play the game straight on.

  Jeff
• 

  Paralipomenon

  tula: I questioned them on that. They don't see leaving the organization as a disfellowshipping offense. People should be free to walk away if they don't believe and they can't fathom that it isn't the case.
  
  It makes me so upset, they are so kind and caring, the organization doesn't deserve them. But instead they will blindly follow the rules, even the ones they don't agree with because they think it's what God wants.