by Paralipomenon 70 Replies latest jw friends
Thanks for writing this down; it's a great help for those of us who haven't come that far yet.
Your story is almost like looking into my own future, if I were to tell my parents. Only I'm not so sure it would end so well (then again, maybe it would).
Either way - it's hard. You've got guts, that's for sure. Congratulations on the way you handled it.
regarding our cards, they were lost long before we moved here. We moved around alot and didn't update our information. I think our cards are currently vexing some service overseer on the west coast.
Wow, Paralipomenon ! You are so strong, so strong. Your post made me cry, as what you related is EXACTLY what I feel! I never did have to have the "talk" with my folks though... just have been fading... slooowwwwllllyyyy... for years and I believe they actually "get it", but don't wish to discuss it. Your post will remain in my thoughts for a long while... many blessings to you and your family! T.
Para,
You did a great job of explaining how you feel to your parents. You cannot control if they listen or not.
It will be interesting to see how they handle the situation if you are DF'ed.
Hang in there!
JK
Congrats Para on having the courage to have that conversation. Recently I had a similiar one with my wife - I only hope she can follow your wife's path and join me in my opinion of the org. You mentioned your parent's looking at you like 'dead man walking' and sometimes I feel I get that look as well - it's not easy to deal with - but holding back those thoughts and feelings inside is just as hard to deal with.
Soon- i will probably have to have a similiar conversation with my parents who live in another state and aren't really aware of the extent of my fade. Your story and example helps give me resolve. Thanks.
Morph
I'm really proud of you! And I know you'll be glad you told them when Christmas comes :)
I'm glad to see the outcome ended on a somewhat positive note.
She gave me a hug and I went to leave. Standing at the door my mom thanked me for talking to them and my dad said he was proud of me.
Was your dad proud of you in the sense that you have the personal intergrity to live up to your convictions? For example, you see the Society in a certain light and aren't willing to go along with it, and he respects that? Or is it pride for something else?
Wow, what a story!
I commend you on how you talked with your parents. Sometimes you got to do what you got to do. It's bittersweet isn't it?
Time will tell what the reprecussions will be...but you can be proud of how you handled this.
It's great you're not losing them!
And the best "witness" you will be able to give them is showing them love and letting them see that you are still a wonderful man and treat your wife and children wonderfully!
Regarding Contact with the Kids:
They'll miss the kids too much to stop having contact with you. But if this happens, it is more detrimental to the kids to witness the type of shunning/abusive behavior of the grandparents. And if they choose to shun you, be sure to explain to your children the reason their grandparents are no longer in their lives. This will essentially innoculate your kids to never join the cult. And you could tell your parents this as well, "Mom and dad, by your shunning me, you are innoculating your grandchildren to never become JWs. So you're doing me a favor."
My kids witnessed the shunning of my sister toward me and refused to attend her wedding!!! Believe me. When kids see their parents being shunned and abused simply because they don't believe the teachings it has a VERY LASTING IMPRESSION.
My personal opinion is that your kids shouldn't be put on the spot of having to say yay or nay regarding meetings. You know it's not true. You know it's a cult. Why would you allow your kids to be exposed to this as young and impressionable as they are? Your parents may not pressure or coerce but the little snide comments from other well-meaning people in the hall could do the damage for them.
I would let my own parents know that they can see my children any time but they will have no "grandparents rights" as far as taking them to meetings, or any activities associated with the JWs, reading them JW material, talking to them about god, religion, etc. It's best to draw a clear line or later on there will be confusion. And spending time with them outside of witness activities is a privilege not a right. The second shunning comes into play, all bets are off.
Just a thought, Do I have to talk to my parents now?
Just my luck too, your parents still want us in their lives even with all the differences. So much for my plan to DA myself and totally mess up my fathers chances for spiritual advancement in his congregation.
Back to plotting my revenge.
Bobbi
