one in one out...odds of staying married...how long til you know? (page 4)

PoppyR

I have to be honest, it feels to me that your marraige is rocky even without the WT.

I think you can survive the one in, one out thing, providing there is rock solid love, commitment and TRUST there, ie you can trust her not to rat you to the elders, and that you can talk freely etc.

In my personal experience, although I loved my hubby, we were just friends, cohabiting, there was no passion. Married too young, virginal and had just got used to each other.

I stopped attending meetings, after a relatively short time he left, we just did not have enough love between us to survive it. I have to say.. on the most part, I was relieved.

It's a scary 'world' out there, there are many pickings to be had, but also some people who will use and hurt. At times I've missed the security of my boring marraige and the WT society. But on the most part I'm now very aware of how short life is, and after discovering true love, true passion and true friendship, I'd never go back for anything.

You need to examine yourself closely and ask hard questions. It can work, but you need the commitment, and so does she.

Thinking of you

Poppy

momzcrazy

Oompa,

For 8 years I have been the one in, all until last month. This while raising 3 kids. It is tough because being a JW should be all encompassing. My husband never discouraged me from trying to go to meetings, etc. He always made sure he showed us how much he loved me and the kids. Can you make a point of telling your wife that you miss her, and maybe start a hobby only you two do together? We rode his Harley every weekend, until our son was made! Make sure you talk and do things together. But feel free to live your life, just make sure she has a place in it. At times I did look down on him, but he made such a point of being a GREAT guy I couldn't help but see his good points.It's funny, for years I prayed my husband would come back. He never did, but I have found the truth and left the org. Maybe with your good example you can win her over without a word!

As someone who has been where your wife is, I hope my advice can help.

alias

It's a great challenge even when one's out and the other one still believes, though is inactive.

This is tough territory to live in for sure. And it's different for everyone.

alias

Mrs. Witness

Amen, Highlander.

Jim_TX

Been there... done that... didn't get the t-shirt (she got it in the divorce settlement).

Basically, I was a JW and so was she - when we were kiddos, and then later when we got married. I started my fade after 3 years of marriage to her. I stayed with her for 18 more after that - for a total of 21 years of marriage.

What I noticed towards the end...

1) I see a tour bus taking a load of people to Mexico for a day-trip.

Me: "That looks fun! We should do that someday!"

Her: "I would only do that - if the bus was filled with Jehovah's Witnesses."

I realized that her brain-washing was complete. She had totally forgotten about the NASA bus-trip we had taken 15 or so years before - and nary a one JW besides her on the bus.

2) A JW wife has to follow her 'husband' - unless that husband is not a JW - then she is free to do whatever she wants - even refusing to obey the un-believer.

You will see this, too. If she is fully brain-washed, she will choose the WTBTS over you. Decisions will be made favoring them - over you.

I wish you well on your journey. Perhaps you can salvage your marriage and stay married... but you must ask yourself if you are happy.

I wasn't. I got a divorce. Yes, I lost a lot of material things. The car. The home. The property. Part of my retirement.

But I got the most important thing I could ever hope to get. My freedom.

I am much happier now.

Regards,

Jim TX

oompa

Momzcrazy: For 8 years I have been the one in, all until last month. This while raising 3 kids.

WoW...I can not wait to go back and read all your posts. I hope you have posted what woke you up you heavy sleeper you! I am so glad for you both and he is one patient man. However, I think I would also be patient at your ages and with three kids. There is a measure of selfishness that you two both avoided showing, and for me the kids would be a huge motivator....I have a feeling it must be like getting married all over again! so congratulations to you both!!!

Save my Soul: I have 2 small ones that I discuss the bible stories book with as well.

You guys story is just surreal! I am speechless except for saying I do see a big common denominator with you and MomzCrazy as far as the kids being a big sucess factor. Good luck to you all, and BTW I reall miss assemblies and conventions too........as often as possible in fact!..............oompa

Save My Soul

You guys story is just surreal! I am speechless except for saying I do see a big common denominator with you and MomzCrazy as far as the kids being a big sucess factor. Good luck to you all,

I wish u the best as well. If you feel it is worth it, work it out. Find a common ground and move on. Unfortunately, so many of us have no life outside of the WT. That is the root of many problems.

As I said, many elders that I personally know do NOT believe many teachings, they love the parties and friendships.

one in one out...odds of staying married...how long til you know?