So...I got duped today! (page 3)

John Doe

Guys, giving money to a panhandler is the opposite of kindness. We want to encourage constructive behavior, not thievery. You are being enablers and you are not helping people who need help.

Pioneer Spit...oh, i mean Spirit

I feel like the first rule of self-defense applies here, and that is to recognize that if a stranger gets near and cozy enough to ask me a question, he or she is about to do something bad.

I learned this when I was 7, in the second grade and walking home from school through a park--my mom's rule was to always pick me up from school, with the exception of every f*cking day when she was out in field service in the afternoon--so here I am in the middle of the park and this older kid asks me for the time, I jumble around with my violin case and my jacket while he grabbed me and put his hands down my pants.

I guess, be lucky she only got your $5!

Sad emo

I won't give money to beggars - there are 'professional' gangs in my area. I will offer to buy food though if its not one of the familiar faces.

We have a magazine here called 'The Big Issue' which is sold by homeless and vulnerably housed people and I'll always buy those. They feel good that they're earning rather than begging (which somwhat reinforces what John Doe wrote) even though the money isn't that good - and strangely they could make more money by begging!

The trust which runs the scheme has a strict code of practice for all vendors and they do get any rehab which they might need plus life/money management skills training - they basically get a lot of support to get back on their feet again

Dorktacular

I gave a homeless guy money.... exactly once. I was going to the Fox Theatre with a girl and when I got off the highway at 14th St. there were homeless guys standing there with their little cardboard signs. One of the guy's signs said "It's hot. Why Lie? I need a beer!" I thought it was so funny, I gave him $5.00.

I have had many, many people ask me for money around Atlanta. Just about everybody knows the story.... I can't find a job, I'm hungry, I'm homeless, I need money for my kid's medicine, I need money to buy my kids pampers..... etc., etc. When I owned my own business, these homeless guys would tell me they would work for food. I would tell them to get in my car and I would let them work at my business cleaning up or something and I would feed them and give them a few bucks. They always declined, even if it was freezing cold outside or raining. The would rather stand freezing in the pouring rain than work for a day's pay and food. I don't mind helping people. I do mind giving them money for alcohol and drugs.

I had one guy who I knew for sure was a crack addict and a drunk ask me for money one day "because he was hungry". I looked at him and said "Be honest, aren't you just going to take whatever I give you and spend it on drugs or alcohol?" And he said that was what he would do. So, I looked at him and said "Hell, that's all I was going to do with it! Work for your own drugs and alcohol!" haa haa.

So, I hardly ever give money to somebody panhandling. I do, however, donate to charities and individuals I know for a fact are in need. I also prefer do donate anonymously. I don't want my name on a plaque or anything like that. Last year a lady on my job was having a hard time. Her husband got laid off and ended up in the hospital. I cashed my Christmas bonus check and put the money in an envelope and slipped in in her purse at lunch time. She has no idea who did it, but I know it helped her and her kids. Many years ago when I was a little boy my father asked me the question "Which is better: to give or to receive?" And, of course, I said that it was better to receive! He explained that the reason it was better to give was because you couldn't give anything unless you had something to give, which means you are in a much better position than the person who is receiving who didn't have anything. I'm not rich, but I'm glad that I'm in a position in life to be able to give, because I've been on the other end of the spectrum and it sucks to have to be the receiver.

onacruse

John Doe:

Guys, giving money to a panhandler is the opposite of kindness. We want to encourage constructive behavior, not thievery. You are being enablers and you are not helping people who need help.

I would tend to agree, though every circumstance presents unique challenges. As a follow-up post: I called the police department, and asked if they could send a patrol unit over to the location to check on these guys and make sure that they were aware of the various social services available for homeless folks. They did, and those fellows are no longer on the street. Maybe they were just dealing, maybe they were just down on their luck...but JD, you make a fair point.

dawg

I do not give moeny to bumbs unless they exibit a form of mental illness that I can readly observe or have some sort of physical deformation (like the spelling problems I have) that would make me think they can't get a job... period!

Mary

Dearest Lovelylil:

Don't worry hon, you're not the only one who's bee duped. Years ago when I first moved to Calgary, I was waiting for the bus to go downtown when I was approached by a woman wanted money for the bus. I was raised in a small town and you always helped someone out when they needed it so I gave her the bus fare. I didn't understand it when the bus came and she didn't get on. The bus driver---ever wise---asked me if I had given her money. I said "yes, I gave her bus money". He said "You're obviously new to this area, so a word of advise: Don't give anyone any money---they go over to the grocery store, buy vanilla, and drink it, or they buy booze at the liquor store." I was shocked but learned quickly.

Funny, my gramma used to get asked for money when she was doing "street witnessing". Someone would ask her for $2.00 for some soup. She was no dummy---she'd say "sure, let's go over here and I'll buy you some soup!" Some of them got pissed off (as they obviously wanted booze), others were genuinely hungry and were gratefully for her generosity.

It's a tough lesson, but one we learn.....if you want to give to charity, give to a soup kitchen or homeless shelter.

MadTiger

First choice: Ignore them, and give to charities volunteer your time or whatever.

Second choice: when they ask you, offer to buy what it is they want yourself, as some have said. This usually scares the dishonest ones off. If they say yes, but then try to change your mind later, GET AWAY.

onacruse

Mary:

Someone would ask her for $2.00 for some soup. She was no dummy---she'd say "sure, let's go over here and I'll buy you some soup!"

LOLOL...that reminds me of another time, when I was working downtown, and a fellow came up and asked me for just $1, because he needed a bus ticket. Well, there had been a promotion by the local bus service (TriMet), and they'd distributed hundreds of packets to various businesses, which included a free all-day bus-pass coupon. I had several of these in my wallet, and when I opened my wallet, the fellow got big eyes...until I pulled out that coupon and handed it to him and said: "Here ya go! You can ride all day, anywhere, with this." He looked up at me like I was crazy or something.

Robdar

If I have it, I give. I don't care what they do with the money. If they buy booze, maybe that will buy them an hour or two of warmth and happiness.

So...I got duped today!

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