Help - running out of "excuses" for not attending meetings

truthseeker

Hi,

I would like some help. My situation as some of you know, I'm married and my wife is a JW and still wants to go to meetings. I on the other hand do not.

Over the last few years, I have suffered with poor health and I also studied, so when I was studying I would say "I'm at college/doing homework/taking exams" which for the most part was true.

I also have ill health, suffer with chronic chest infections for part of the year.

Trouble is, people at the hall are having a hard time buying my excuses, or if my wife tells them the reason I'm not there, they now start giving her the eyeroll, or they say to her "well, you're here and so am I."

Not ONE of the elders calls to see where I am, what they can do. I don't mind that actually, but it irritates me that they pass judgement and yet never do anything to help.

I know this religion is a crock of lies and therefore I try and avoid going as much as I can and put only a token appearance in.

Some of you here have tried to use depression as a reason (I am depressed by the way because of this religion).

I would like to know how that has worked for you and if you have any ideas.

John Doe

"I don't want to go and the reason why is none of your damned business." Works like a charm every time! ;-)

Enjoying freedom

I told my husband at a circuit assembly (outside in the corrider during a talk!!) that I was never ever coming to another meeting again.

I have never been to another meeting.

Two elders called round to see me - I told them that if living forever in Paradise meant being stuck til the end of time with people like them then I would rather not bother.

They haven't called again.

That was 7 years ago. My husband now hardly goes to any meetings.

You have to be strong and stick to your guns, whilst at all times being polite and friendly to any approaches, or shunning, made by JWs (although inside you may want to inflict serious physical pain on some of the mindless JW idiots!).

Someone somewhere in each family has to be the one to start the ball rolling on the road to freedom from the religion.

Keep us posted on your progress!

OnTheWayOut

You will find that excuses only last for so long.

Either say you don't want to go, with or without explaining it,
or just rotate any old excuses. If the same old excuses are
transparent and unbelieved, so be it.

But your question is good. Depression can run a long time.
I am not the one to answer that, but my understanding is that
you can visit a doctor (for any reason) and say that you have
been diagnosed with depression. Whether or not you are on
meds, you can say that you were told to relax and avoid
anxiety situations.

From my understanding, the elders don't want to actually help
a depressed person, as it is work, and they don't have much to
offer anyway. If they make a token effort to help, you put them
on the spot. Tell them you need a friend as a sponsor that you
can call day or night, you need someone who will meet you
one-on-one to talk about your problems. Don't suggest them,
let them duck out of that.

If you are still hounded once-in-awhile, actually vent on them.
Tell them about pressures on you (non-JW pressures) even
exaggerating them. Tell them how Christmas depresses you, how
global warming and the plight of the polar bears depresses you.
Tell them that going to the meetings keeps reminding you of all
the problems in the world and you feel a deep pain in your chest
just thinking about it. Basically, just think about field service and
participation in the TMS, then take that feeling to other subjects.

truthseeker

Trouble with that answer John is it would reflect badly on my wife and affect her emotions as well as her having to answer awkward questions.

jgnat

Besides coming up with new excuses, I'd suggest working on the wife. Is she responsible for how other people react, their rolled eyes, and so on. Does she really owe them an explanation?

If she learns to stand up for proper behavior, it might go better for the two of you overall.

John Doe

Your answer should have nothing to do with how your wife feels or her reputation. If it does, it's not either of your problems.

truthseeker

Enjoying freedom,

I admire your frankness! My wife is rather delicate right now emotionally, and I wouldn't want to put her through any more anxiety. You see, she has a lot of friends in the hall and some of her family are JWs too. I'm looking for away to minimize the damage while still haivng a cameo role.

truthseeker

OnTheWayOut,

You're absolutely right. My excuses are wearing thin, even when they are valid. My meeting attendance is about 20% now. People at the hall can't work me out

because I always have a smile and something to say.

I haven't played the depression card yet, but I think I am going to have to. I'll let you know how it works out.

truthseeker

jgnat,

My wife knows it's a high control group, she doesn't know what to believe, but she is not theologically inclined and never has been. She's in it simply for the community and because it's a routine.

Help - running out of "excuses" for not attending meetings

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