Have You Divorced And/Or Remarried- What Did You Learn From It ?

by flipper 62 Replies latest jw friends

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  bluesbreaker59

  I learned alot.

  1. You have to communicate
  2. Never get married at 18, that's too big of a decision at an immature age
  3. Learn to be a better "team mate", I was too independent in doing things myself, because "they'd be right"
  4. Don't "talk down" to people, it hurts their feelings
  5. Sex IS important, BUT, not the MOST important thing
  6. You must share common goals
  7. You must come from similar backgrounds
  8. You must be willing to work, HARD

  My biggest problem in relationships, is that I have no patience, at all. Things usually come very easily for me, so I don't have to work too hard at them. My ex-wife never communicated her feelings to me, and after a while just stopped communicating all together. She also hated sex, once we got married. My issue was not being there for her emotionally and also losing my patience with her. I wouldn't get upset and yell, I'd just "take over", and then it would make her feel bad.

  I recently am coming off the best relationship of my life, we both worked hard at it, etc. But after a while, I realized that we weren't in similar places in life, and didn't have the same "path" for the future either.
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  mentalclearness

  I guess I learned basically the same as sweetstuff....don't settle. And to trust your gut instinct more. I don't know if I'll ever remarry but I'm enjoying being single for now. I had been married for so long with someone who barely made the effort to make a marraige work, I forgot what a "healthy- relationship was like.

  One thing I will never do again is have a vertical relationship like the Jw's encourage. I should have as much control and power in the desicions made as my partner. I also learned that once you lose respect for your partner it's all downhill from there. But believe it or not I'm glad that I ended the marraige at the age I am now, 32 because if I had been younger I would have probably made the same mistakes over again.
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  sweetstuff

  I can listen to the music I choose and watch what I want on TV without the constant backgound bitching to spoil it all

  I hear you there, my fellow canuk! I used to hate that. Someone talking thru a movie, grrrrrr. Saying, you dont' really want to watch that do you? Or telling me to turn the music down in my car when I crank it and sing along. Yup, single has its benefits. I do miss cuddles though. And sleeping alone kinda sucks.
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  wha happened?

  married, divorced, remarried. As a newbie JW I met what most JW's would regard as an ideal wife. Raised a JW, pioneering, and her father was an elder. I ignored all the warning signs from my non-JW experience with relationships because, "anything can be worked out if bible principles are applied". She had no real communication skills and had a very good ability to keep secrets. If that could be called good. She eventually used that skill when having affairs. I remarried 4 years later to another JW. We communicated well and honestly we got together intimately before we were married. The ex was horrible in bed and had very peculiar sexual hang ups. I didn't want that again.
• 

  emy the infidel

  I was divorced for 5 yrs. It was so lonely, but I wasn't going to settle. After I decided to be single and go out to have fun and enjoy my life with friends, those friends set up my meeting my hubby.

  I knew instantly, it was strange. "I'm going to marry him" was the thought that came to mind, I got tongue tied and giggled a lot. He listened to people when they talked, and had a very positive energy.

  He's the most energetic, optimistic and smartest person I know. Every day is better than the one before, and it was a true blessing meeting and marrying such a fanastic person. It was worth every day of that 5 yrs.
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  peggy

  Married at 18, divorced 28 1/2 years later. I am now 49 and enjoying my work and social life greatly! I look forward to whatever life brings me!
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  AWAKE&WATCHING

  I learned that illusion never changes into something real.

  I learned that it takes two to make it work, you can't do it by yourself no matter how hard you try.

  I learned that you shouldn't lose what makes you unique and special to be with another person. It can happen so gradually that one day you wake up and realize you aren't yourself anymore. You can change into someone you don't even like.

  I learned that opposites attract but those differences can really cause problems later. I now believe that similar tastes and interests contribute greatly to truly fulfilling compatibility.

  I learned that I will never be taken for granted again, or treated disrespectfully (because of religion or anything else) and go back for more.

  I learned to be true to myself.
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  flipper

  Mrs Flipper here. I was divorced in 1990 from someone who was manipulative, dishonest, and had very wierd sex hangups. I was single for 16 years with just a few short dating type relationships. I really didn't think I would ever marry again, especially seeing what went on in the relationships of people I knew. I didn't want to ever "settle". Lonely at times but actually I liked being on my own, not being hassled all the time by a spouse.

  I was considered wierd by some for being alone so many years, some would say "you must really hate men" Not true, I just thought something about me attracted predatory men and that until I learned to change that I would stay alone. I was given some hope when 2 close friends met and married excellent men after years of being with major jerks.

  Enter Mr. Flipper! I knew the first time we met that he was very different and that he was the one. Living togethter is so easy and enjoyable for us. I appreciate so much how respectful and considerate he is, and sensible and fair. So I have learned that it CAN happen even if you have a bad relationship history. And I'm so glad I waited 17 years ( I'd do it again because life now is so good) Mrs. flipper
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  skeeder

  I learned the hard way what 'too soon' means. NEVER, EVER make a new committment until you have allowed time to be sure what your relationship is with the ex-mate.

  S
• 

  aquagirl

  so all of you happily married folks,can you indeed have it ALL w/one person? best friend/lover/fashion consultant/therapist/kvetcher?can you really find it all with one person? and if not,what do you think are the important ones?