by flipper 62 Replies latest jw friends
so all of you happily married folks,can you indeed have it ALL w/one person? best friend/lover/fashion consultant/therapist/kvetcher?can you really find it all with one person? and if not,what do you think are the important ones?
Yes...my husband is my bff, love, not much into fashion, but I can check with my girlfriends for that. He's a pretty good consultant and therapist...by that I mean he knows how to listen. What is a kvetcher? I might be missing out on something. lisa
Well, well ! Thanks for all the tremendous replies here folks ! Lots of good thoughts here, so I will respond to each of you !
PURPLE SOFA- You know, I think many of us on this board were also too young when we first married, ( I know I was 19 ), so my friend you're not alone in that ! I know from reading your experiences you have been through a lot, basically to hell and back, and I admire the strength you have shown all these years ! We will wait for you when you feel comfortable to write your best seller book on it ! Till then keep healing, and stay healthy ! Peace !
IP-SEC- You are right the things you said. Holding things in never helps a situation but allows resentment to build up . I used to hold things in too, in previous relationships. Now in my current marriage I'm much more open about expressing my emotions openly and feelings . But of course, that has a lot to do with the kind of woman I'm with . It helps having someone open too!
PRIEST 73- Glad to hear you are happy friend! Don't we all learn a lot ?
NEW YORK 44M- I feel for you friend ! I too was married a long time ( 19 years ) , so it definitely is an adjustment ! I'm 48 now and learned a lot too. Yes, it certainly is expensive, divorce, but necessarry at times . I'm glad you're adult children and brother are there to show you support ! Hang in there my friend !
SWEETSTUFF- You made some very tremendous points there sis ! I like the point you make about not being able to "change " people ! So very true but people don't consider that enough when selecting a partner ! I agree in never settling for less. That's why when single I waited for the best, and I finally found her in Mrs. Flipper ! True, I kissed a few frogettes along the way , but inevitably by not settling on them permanently my journey brought me to her, for which I am eternally grateful! You will find a great guy again Sweetstuff, you seem to have a lot of substance as a person and good character , keep your eyes and ears open, it will come in time to a good person like yourself ! Peace.
CYRUS the PERSIAN- I agree lots of people are single and enjoy it on the board and that's great ! Some are more independent and marriage would slow them down or hinder them. Glad you found that out ! Good luck !
LISA VEGAS- I know how you feel Lisa. I am on marriage number 3 too. But I feel I finally got it right this time ! I enjoy having my female companion. Mrs. Flipper and I don't sweat the small stuff either. Even though she is my wife, I still treat her like we are dating as boyfriend and girlfriend ! Keeps things spicy that way !
OOMPA- Glad you have great sons ! Remarrying fast can be a challenge ! I can tell from your posts that you have meditated a lot on where your life is going. That's a good thing to do ! Helps us assimilate our emotions.
FINALLY FREE- I agree with you FF. When I was single for 6 or 7 years, it was great to not have to answer to anyone. Bet that bird puts you through your paces though! LOL!
BLUESBREAKER 59- Very good points you made ! You are wiser than your posted avatar age of 26! Be a teamate, don't marry too young, share common goals, come from similar backgrounds, etc. Good stuff! Patience is important though, you are right on that ! You'll find the right lady some time my friend ! Keep lookin"
MENTAL CLEARNESS- Don't settle ! You are correct ! There has to be mutual respect for each other or the relationship won't work.
WHA HAPPENED- I agree with you, we are told these lies from the witness organization that, " anything will work out if Bible principles are applied . " Just not true ! If a person is emotionally damaged from their past and needs professional counseling to deal with it, all the Bible principles in the world won't change that person. I'm so sorry you were hurt by infidelity my friend. I too, was hurt by that once from someone I loved ( past tense ) deeply and it hurts and sucks. Hang in there friend and heal, love may find you again some day !
EMY the INFIDEL- I'm so glad you found true love again. Happy you found "the One" ! It is a wonderful feeling when that happens. Peace.
PEGGY- So glad to see you posting friend ! Good to hear from you ! I'm so happy you are enjoying your work and your social life !
AWAKE & WATCHING- You are right it takes 2 to tango and make it work ! No, you shouldn't have to change your unique features and personality to please someone else ! And I strongly agree with your point that similar tastes and interests contribute to lasting fullfilling compatibility ! ( Sounds like an E-harmony ad ) LOL! Be true to yourself, and don't let anybody disrespect you. All, very good points !
MRS. FlIPPER- What more can I add to what this woman says ?! I love you sweetie !
SKEEDER- Yes. It is good to close one relationship before opening another one up ! Definitely !
AQUAGIRL- Yes, you can have it all with one person ! A best friend, lover, therapist, you bet ! It takes mutual respect, love, communication openly, and lots of laughter and good humor ! It can and does happen ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper
It is a very extrem situation. I guess you can say like a part of your body is being ripped off you without an anaesthetic. After that you life goes like a pendulum for a few years but eventually it starts coming alright. It has to, you can't turn time back. At least in my case that is what I experienced, i.e. from one extreme to another, publically living "free life" inwardly looking for love in all the wrong places. But eventually you may realize that what you were looking for was stearing you right in the face, and it is very simple. If you are not complete in yourself without someone you will never be complete with them either. I've never had "born-again" experience but this was my closest to it which happened almost a year ago. And transformation is remarkible, you finally become true to yourself, no pretence, no public persona just you, and what is even more remarkible you become the magnet for the right people, those of the same frequency as you are, and you'd be surprised just how many of them are around.
Have You Divorced And/Or Remarried- What Did You Learn From It ?
Yeah don't do it. Marriage often leads to problems you can't just walk away from and the State gets in your business when you decide to call it quits. I was married for 29yrs as a JW and my wife would always bring up to my attention where I wasn't doing what a husband should do according to the bible and WT. Sounded like a broken record, I was me, I wasn't about to change and live by some rule book, I tried it,, and sucked the life right out of me.
When your in a marriage with no easy way out it is murder. From now on a live in GF is the way I go, if she tries too hard to change me according to her ideal, I kindly tell her to back off, as I don't try to change anybody, I expect the same, if it keeps up I'm ready to get out of relationship. I'm honest and above board when it comes to a relationsship, what you see is what you get, I don't try to hide my flaws and who ever I live with must take me as I am, if we both respect each other's individuality and find it agreeable then maybe we have something special and it will last until one of us dies, I don't need no piece of paper from the state telling me I'm married, and that I'm stuck with my choice.
Marriage, the leading cause of divorce.
ZAGOR- You are right we have to be complete with ourselves before we can complete someone else ! I feel too that after you go through a divorce you do become a magnet for the right people if they see your honesty come out because of what you've been through ! Peace.
FRANKIESPEAKIN'- I agree that you can have just as a fulfilling relationship without marriage as with marriage ! It sounds like you have a good handle on what you want from life and I'm glad you are getting it !
MEGADUDE- Yeah that's right. You can't have a divorce unless there is a marriage first ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper
I was married, unhappily, for 28 years. Divorced and married the love of my life. We met in High School but I wouldn't go out with him because he wasn't a JW. We reconnected (Classmates.com), have been happily married for 7 years. He is my best friend. I feel I have it all. He's not perfect, nor am I, but we work hard at keeping the romance alive.
I've learned that getting married in our legal system will open you up to a lot of potential liability, and that the only way I would ever consider remarrying would be if we both agreed on a prenup.
I was married for 18 years. Have been separated, then divorced for 12. I learned the same things as Sweetstuff and A+W. Be true to yourself. Don't settle for less. One person trying their damnedest can't make a marriage work. Don't lose your self respect. Having the same values is extremely important. Bad boys are lethal for me. No man is ever going to hit me again. I need a little bit of alone time sometimes to rejuvenate. I don't need a man to make me happy.
I have the best boyfriend in the world. He is my best friend. We laugh all the time. He wants to get married, I don't. I will NEVER, EVER get married again. Once is more than enough.
What I learned-
Never again without a pre-nup!
BA- Learned my lesson well.
