Have You Divorced And/Or Remarried- What Did You Learn From It ? (page 4)

truthsetsonefree

This thread really resonates for me as I am going through a divorce. Some comments that I appreciated were: "Don't hold things in if they bother you. Its not a sign of weakness if you are a man and your feelings get hurt." Plus the thoughts on being yourself and knowing what you cannot tolerate. Mrs. Flipper's comments really give me hope as I know that I do not want to be alone and a good woman is definitely out there. I may already have met her, but that is a story for another day. Isaac

Es

I remarried luckily to a wonderful guy, Im grateful I did, Im not good on my own, although I did enjoy the two years I had with my son just me and him. I guess Ive learnt alot about myself and how I used to deal with things, I also saw a lot of areas in which I could change as a person and because of that my second marriage is successful.

I loved my first husband a lot unfortunately when they dont love you back its never going to work.

PoppyR

Typical witness girl, married too young, and to a lovely guy, but we were so wrong for each other, I am a strong minded person and he just let me do everything, fast forward 13 years, two lovely boys and neither of us respecting the other.

He left when I stopped attending meetings and I respected him for that. I was sorry it was over, and shed tears over it, but didnt' want to go back. He's now much happier with a good little mousey witness girl! And a sign that my feelings for him were purely platonic is that I am thrilled he's found someone else.

Now in a relationship with someone who lights my fire, but scared about how long that can last and will we end up like every other couple, hating each other in 10 years time. I believe in marraige, and want to do it again, but dont want to be divorced again, and am very shy of the commitment. I think the grass is always greener, at least when you are single you have the choice, once married it's much harder to jump into the field next door!

Poppy

Maddie

Married, divorced, married. I married very young the first time to the wrong person for some of the wrong reasons. I stayed in the marriage for far too long which dragged out the misery and caused much unhappiness and my health to suffer.

When I met the man I am now married to, I was not looking for a relationship. He is the total opposite of my first husband in every way and I was very suspicious at first - expecting the "beast" to appear at any moment. Eventually I realised that he was the genuine article and we married and are very happy.

I learnt many things from my first marriage about myself and having a relationship and am a much more tolerant, patient and compassionate person. I know that I can't change other people but only have the power to change myself.

Maddie

rose petal

My leaving the dubs was part of my marriage breakdown. The first time I married very young, so the next time I was determined that I would put my best into the marriage. He was abusive, manipulative, etc. I talked about this a couple of days ago (see previous posts).

I walked out of the marriage with $1500, so it's not always the men that get burnt. I just figured it was worth it to get rid of him.

Parly due to a medical condition and partly because of the trauma of the abuse I was celibate for 8 years. I had no libido, so sex wasn't a problem. I just didn't want a man to look at me. I learnt to depend on me, I learnt to like me, I improved me. Then I had to have surgery. Previously I had refused blood, like a good jw, but this time I didn't sign the papers. The surgery went wrong, and I had to have bucketsful of other people's blood.

This may sound incredible, but it's true. I felt like a new woman. I got my libido back, which presented some problems! I got my energy back. After dating for a few years (that's another future post) I met a lovely man, who treats me with respect. He is a friend as well as a lover.

The moral of this story is - don't jump into the next relationship, get to know you first.

rose petal

flipper

Hey guys and gals, thanks for all your replies ! Really good solid replies here! I think it helps us all to reason on things together !

LISA ROSE- I know how you feel about being unhappy for a long time ! I was in an unhappy marriage for 19 years. Felt obliged to stay in because of the witnesses. I'm so glad you have found true love again my friend ! Peace to you.

OWENFIELDDREAMS- I understand your feelings on the prenup arrangement . With the lack of trust in todays society it is certainly understandable !

TARA- I agree having the same values as our partners is important . It takes 2 to make it work. I'm sorry you were hit and abused physically. No one should ever have to take that , ever! Glad you found happiness !

BROTHER APOSTATE- Gotta do the prenup if you've been burned brother ! I just have one question for you though, are you still with that german chick from your second Austin Powers movie ? LOL!

TRUTHSETSONEFREE- Yes, I know how ya feel going through divorce myself in the past ! Most of us are raised by fathers who kept it all in, communication, that is ! It takes retraining on our part to learn to open up and communicate well ! Yeah, I got lucky bro, found a good woman, you will do the same ! Hang in there !

ES- I know how you feel going through divorce myself ! I prefer being in a relationship as opposed to living alone 1 I lived alone for 6 years single in between marriages. You do learn a lot about life though and yourself, being alone ! I'm glad you have a good man now though !

POPPY R- I was married too young also in the witnesses ! I'm glad my exwife remarried too. It did not bother me at all! Hope things work out with your current guy, just give it time . Within a few years you will know if he is the right guy or not ! Marriage can be happy! I found out !

MADDIE- That's a great statement you made about us having the power to change ourselves but not other people. I have always believed that myself. Very true. I'm glad you are happy with your guy! I too, dragged out the ending of my first marriage way too long . Just stayed together for the kids sake. But she was a fanatical JW, and I was the one who changed ! Peace !

ROSE PETAL- I'm glad you found yourself, and what really makes you happy! Glad you got out of that abusive relationship ! No one should ever have to go through abuse ! Glad you found a good guy ! Peace to you ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper

Gryph

married/divorced and remarried... of course my exhusband thinks I want to remarry him now... yeah right! lol Through my divorce I learned I'm much stronger than I gave myself credit for. I knew exactly what I wanted the second time around and laid it all out on the line. Of course, the second time around my son played a big factor in helping me make my decision. If someone could not accept my son as an extension of myself and give him the love and respect he deserved then that man wasn't worth my time. I was only 19 when I married the first time, and having been raised a JW I had myself convinced that it didn't matter who I married I would grow to love that person and with the Bible as our guide we could over come any obstacle. Granted I should have realized the day after the wedding when my first husband tried to strangle me I had no idea what I had gotten myself into. I also should have taken off running. I stuck it out with him for about 2 years, it took another 2 years to finalize the divorce. Another thing I learned was if someone accuses you of cheating, chances are they themselves already have. My husband now was someone I "dated" back in middle school, but obviously being young and him being a Lutheran led to our break up. When we met again he was going through a divorce as well. It really helped that we knew and completely understood where the other one was coming from, other than he and his first wife didn't have any children. We began our relationship based on complete honesty and trust. Neither of us was really looking to remarry, but it was pretty clear to us (and everyone around us) it was simply meant to be. We've now been together for 4 years, married for 2 of them and are expecting our third child (and yes WE include our eldest in that number... because he views my son as being his own).

freyd

I've learned I'm not qualified for the job.

mamochan13

Done it twice. Never do it again. never take on someone else's children, especially if there is an ex-wife, formerly disinterested mother in the picture. Divorce is horrible, and divorce lawyers are the bottom of the barrel.

katiekitten

We met in High School but I wouldn't go out with him because he wasn't a JW. We reconnected (Classmates.com), have been happily married for 7 years.

WOW - now that is romantic!

I married too young to a dub, and I think I must have made him as miserable as he made me.

I learned:

That divorce is a fantastic option - everyone should try it (unless they are in love, of course)
That sex is WAY more fun when you are not married
That theres no 'look what a sensible parent I am' competition when you are on your own, you just do whatever grabs you
That you can get a divorce for £50 in the UK if you go down the County Court and get the very helpful leaflets and DIY (another great reason to D.I.V.O.R.C.E)
That your child may get twice as much pocket money, twice as many holidays, twice as many birthday pressies (unless your stoopid ex is still a dub)
That you dont stand a cat in hells chance if you married in Da Troof - the pressure of juggling it all is too much for a 19yr old to handle, even if neither of you is to blame still best to get divorced ASAP so you can both move on to a normal life.

Have You Divorced And/Or Remarried- What Did You Learn From It ?

Share this