New here........ (page 3)

jaguarbass

Hello Meg

Pioneer Spit...oh, i mean Spirit

Welcome mrose.

You don't have to put on an appearance for anyone, don't try to fake Christmas. We did that for our first one, the biggest deal was putting up and decoration the tree, after that we were like, uh, now what. This is our 3rd one, and we have our traditions already: decorating cookies and painting our own ornaments, you know fun stuff together.

And dear, you may feel the way you do now for several months, not just about Christmas. You're relatively newly married AND have left your childhood religion. There's confusion for everyone at different points in our lives about who we are and what we're supposed to do next with our lives. It's ok.

We're glad that you're here, and that you're at this important point in your life. Really, it's all good.

kifoy

Hi Meg! And welcome to the forum!

He knew that I was a former and inactive member I guess. We never talked about church much, we gave presents at christmas, birthdays and such to each other. But it wasnt really a celebration or anything. LOL We have a tree this year and started buying presents, im trying to get into it but its just wierd like im forcing myself to do it. Maybe I need to find a reason to do it, other than eat lots!!!

I was born and raised a JW, and left in my early 20s, when I met my husband. The first christmas we were together, we went to his family. It was really strange, but I was not forced to do anything. And the celebration was really calm, and nothing really made me flabbergasted. I don't think that I was feeling guilt, or anything, but everything was so new to me. The next year, I bought my first christmas present.

Now, some more years have past. And little by little I find my way into these celebration stuff. It's not much, but just right.

You need to find your own way. And you really need to talk things out with your husband. When he asks, you need to think, and try to answer. It can be really hard, I know, I've been there. I could be so angry with all these questions, but it is because of them, that I am where I am today.
I think it was a good advise to also invite your husband to this forum. Here he will find others in his situation, that he can relate to.

kifoy

mouthy

Welcome> What changeling said, is good advice. Celebrate and enjoy.

free2think

Welcome Meg

Im working on celebrating life and making everyday count with the people that i love.

I see you've got a lot of great advice so far, i hope it helps you.

ferret

WELCOME mrose to the forum.

jwfacts

Welcome to JWD.

It seems that the problem you have is that you left but have not yet convinced yourself about the (in)accuracy of Watchtower doctrine. There are a large number of exJWs in a religious limbo, conditioned enough from childhood that they never relax about life. They live their whole lives with the fear and guilt the Watchtower uses to condition its followers. It would be great for you to do research on the internet, read books like Crisis of Conscience by Ray Franz, and even see a psychologist.

If you go to jwfacts.com you will quickly see from the history of the WTS that they really have no idea how to interpret the Bible, The only reason JWs are so convinced they have truth is same reason a Mormon or Hare Krishna thinks they alone have truth - standard mind control techniques. Once you understand these you will be able to move on quicker.

Regarding Christmas, birthdays etc, the Watchtower used to promote these as acceptable to God for many decades. There really is no good reason not to enjoy them. It will be better for your children if you are able to let them enjoy life and these normal celebrations so they do not feel alienated and different as JW children do.

Happy Harvester

Do what moves you, honey, not what others try to make you think ought to move you.

Only you can know, and your moods, attitudes and understanding about the meanings of these various holidays can change over time.

When my daughter was young, I loved to celebrate ALL of the holidays and birthdays. Now it's different. Things change.

The ultra-commercialism, waste and hypocrisy surrounding mass-production and sale of the Xmas holiday can be very off-putting, no matter what, so don't feel bad or judge yourself for feeling turned off. It's what we were trained to do as JWs, after all).

However, on the other hand you might want to try to find the positive aspects of these holiday times and just focus on what appeals to you and allow your hubby to focus on the stuff that appeals to him. Maybe you can negotiate a little division of labor if necessary in that regard?

I hope you find joy and are able to develop your own traditions and remember to maintain your boundaries. It's okay not to love everything your hubby loves.

There are a lot of positive and negative aspects to holiday time.

I think the most important thing about the winter holidays (for me) is nurturing my ability to empathize with others, rather than focusing on the things or relationships I lack. During the past 7 or so years, Thanksgiving and Xmas have been a bit traumatic and/or overwhelming for me, and I'm sure it's that way for many others, too.

No one should be made to feel bad for not getting into the spirit of it. When and if you're ready to "get into it," you will.

Maybe your hubby should come and talk to some of us? Not everyone here is gung-ho about the holidays, and that's okay.

You don't have to explain it all to him alone! That's part of what boards like this are for!

I do hope you have some fun this holiday, and don't feel judged and don't feel the need to explain yourself or your ways.

Just be you!

Hugs and happy holidays, if at all possible!

skyking

Enjoy the moment, rejoice

troubled mind

Hello and Welcome

Maybe it would be easier for you to explain how you were raised if you just had your husband read this forum .There are so many topics under Best Of ...I am sure something will open a communication line about witness life for you . It does feel kind of disconnected at first so just go at your own pace.

It also helps to do research and make up your own mind whether what witnesses teach is truth or not . The book Crisis of Conscience helped me as well as many other members here .

As for the holidays do whatever makes you comfortable ....if you have children it is a good time to start your own family traditions. These don't have to be elaborate just something you all enjoy and that will build some nice childhood memories for them .

Good luck and hope you get the feedback you need to help you .

New here........

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