by changeling 49 Replies latest jw friends
Vinny: I stand by my posts. If you read them again perhaps you'll see I consistently make a pitch for the rights of all to chose.
Christian/pagan/athiest - you have a choice
DF/DA/fade - you have a choice
Read or not read threads about certain subjects - you have a choice.
I respect your choice, please, respect mine.
changeling
For the record, even though I have disassociated, I always suggest that people decide very carefully before choosing either.
When family is involved, I usually suggest fading rather than disassociating.
I have great respect for those that do fade away, and fully understand and respect their reasons for doing so.
I have great respect for those that disassociated (or were disfellowshipped) and fully understand and respect their reasons for doing so.
Some have great difficulty playing the games needed to fade though.
Disassociating then is one way to end the games... but also come consequences, especially if you have JW family.
Dawg: I do have kids and grandkids. They know where I stand. They have choices to make. I will not force them to make those choices.
I'm sorry you took my thread personally. I just put a possibility out there.
changeling
I've seen successes (and heartbreaking failures) on this forum either way.
Each one should do what feels right to them. There's no guarantees either way.
In my case, my gut tells me that if I were to use the DAWG approach on my wife right now, it wouldn't work.
Can I be SURE it wouldn't work? No.
Can I be SURE that the long, slow, self-inflicted Chinese water torture method I have chosen for myself WILL work? No.
Sure would be nice if there was a way of conducting some sort of objective, clinical study to see what ways are most effective but that ain't happening.
In the mean time, I think JWD will get more posts from people in my situation if we're not jumped on all the time. I can take a fair amount of judging, but if it weren't for posters like Changeling and many others I'd probably just go back to lurking and not contributing.
Having said that, I hope you don't change one bit DAWG!!! I'm used to you now. I respect where you're coming from and I know you've got people's best interests at heart. And I love hearing about the successes you have enjoyed with your approach.
Viva la Revolucion! (overt or covert)
Open Mind
Challenging, I may have gotten a little hot under the collar, I hope you'll forgive me... you know i love your posts... I'm not Jehovah's Witness, so I won't shun you becasue of what you said...and I hope you won't me... LOL...
I don't want anyone to hurt as I have... that's all.... and I want to see as many leave this org as possible....
Good luck to all of us hurt by these fools....we'd better all hang together or we'll all hang together-Ben Franklin...
Dawg,
Some people can actually be more effective in sowing seeds of truth about the WT Society if they remain in by fading away.
There are MANY good reasons to fade away from the WT Society today, IMO.
Especially where much family is involved...
All the best,
Vinny
Dawg: I do appreciate that you came back to us "kinder and gentler" after your absense. And I do wish you well in your endevors, even if your ways do not work for me.
changeling
Openmind, bro you are one damn good man... good luck to you....
Vinny, your'e right, there are many ways to skin a cat, But doing what your wife is doing isn't doing nothing...all I'm saying is doing nothing accomplishes nothing
Challenging... we've all been through shit, I'm sorry if I came on too strong today... I wish you love and happiness all your days... we all sould have happiness after all this bull... good luck...
Changeling (((())))
I think that we have to accept that everyones circumstances are different on this board. You state that although you are prepared to lose assosiates of many years, you are not prepared to lose your relationship with you children and grand children.
I would never try to influence you in your choise, ... unless you came here asking for my opinion.
I FULLY UNDERSTAND why you have made the choice you have made to remain a fader in order to maintain your relationships with your family.
However' my relationship with my Mother and siblings was all but destroyed by my 'fade', these righteous people then attempted to sabotage the relationship that I had with my OWN CHILDREN by trying to influence them against me and the choices I was making,
In the end the decision was to save both my children's lives and the precious relationship that I have with them as their Mother and withdraw from the religion altogether, along with my youngsters, so we could all have a measure of freedom.
I apologise for being a little quick off the mark earlier, and I appreciated the essence of what you were saying, but I hope you can see that not all situations are the same, and I said at the outset, I would only express my opinion if I were asked for it.
Kindest regards. Shell69
People have to do what's best for them, while we might say, this is how I would handle, A, B, or C. In the end it is their choice. It's easy to sit from a distance and say you should do this! If you don't you are a coward or whatever. But thing is, we are all different people, we all can handle a different amount of things, no two alike.
I agree with the jist of what Changeling is saying. While we can give our opinions, its not our place or right to dictate that someone should do things our way. While we might disagree, its is their life, not ours. I have been Dfed, I know how it feels, I faded, I was outspoken, yet I am not Df'd or DA'd. The reason holding me back from telling the WTF er, WTS to go F themselves? My two kids. They are the only grandchildren, who adore their grandparents and love them, I dont' want those aholes in Brooklyn having a right to destroy that.
But I am not offended either when those who have chosen to give advice say, DA. That's their opinion and it worked for them. More power to them, does it make them braver? That's up for debate. I refuse to let the GB destroy my family, if I can help it. That being said, I would also never lie or pretend I was "depressed" if they came a calling. I would tell them to take a frikkin hike, but I avoid it if possible, for the sake of my children. I don't think anyone has a right to judge me for that, and if they think they do, BITE ME. Really, I'll bend over and you can take a good ole bite. This is my life, not yours, not Joe Blows, mine. And I mean that in the sweetest kindest way.
