by changeling 49 Replies latest jw friends
Sweet stuff/ Changeling;
No we're not braver. Not at all. We did what was right for us.
I had to be brave, because it was a massive desission, and I KNEW what the consequences of that desission would be. But that does'nt make be braver than the next person, because my circumstances were entirley unique to me.
Shell69
my relationship with my Mother and siblings was all but destroyed by my 'fade',
Once again I find myself agreeing with Shell69 tonight!
I have faded, and rather well... but I have almost zero relationship with my family and certainly no friends left in the borg. A week or two ago I wrote out my DA letter, I have not sent it in, but I'm still mulling it over. There is part of me that wants to show them this is my choice not just weakness, and also the FREEDOM of not having to hide why I am doing this.
We're all in different places, but here because we were all in the same one!
Poppy
Sweet stuff/ Changeling;
No we're not braver. Not at all. We did what was right for us.
I had to be brave, because it was a massive desission, and I KNEW what the consequences of that desission would be. But that does'nt make be braver than the next person, because my circumstances were entirley unique to me.
Shell69
And no one, certainly not I, suggest you should have done anything different than you have. Like you said, it was your circumstances and your decision. And that's all any of us can do, what's right for us, at the time.
Blah, Blah, blah...... LOL I think it is funny that people come here for advice and when people tell them what to do, others say, don't tell them what to do! LOL Twilight Zone.......
I think some of you should chill on the advice on what to say and how to say it - I am a newbie here and I want to give my perspective:
Someone says I have a problem - help me
20 people post saying do it my way - all are different and all give a little story
The person who asked for help, reads it and takes what path they feel is best for them -
Done - period, over.
Yes, some people will be offended when you are blunt. Some will not see the seriousness if you are gentle. Some people need to be bitch-slapped out of the org, some need coddeled - there is a poster for every one.
I hate when you guys think your posting style is the best and tell the other members, basically do it my way - you are wrong. I have seen 3 threads here in the past 24 hours doing just that and no one has all the answers and I think that you can't say your style is the only way!
I have been on support groups on the internet for 10 years - I am of the bitch-slap variety and guess what? Over the years, I have had people tell me that I HAVE SAVED THEIR LIVES. There are other posters on my other boards that don't like my style - but guess what? Their pussy foot style makes me want to vomit but I know there are people out there that need that - I am sure they have saved someone, too.
So, what I am saying - can't we all just let us be ourselves? We don't need to conform, we have had enough of that in our lives. VIVA LA DIFFERANCE!!!!
Bravo Gringa. Well said
Shell69
I think it's good that people get a very broad spectrum of opinion on something like 'what to say to the elders'. Somebody will hit on the idea that is going to work best for them. To be honest I think that there aren't any people here who believe there could only be one solution to a problem like that. People only tell what they would do, because that's what has or would work for them. I don't believe we have anybody here who is totally polarised. I think we just catch people in a dark moment.
Gringa nailed it. We're all different. 20 ideas = potentially the perfect idea. I doubt anybody comes here with a big question like 'should I DA' and runs off with the first reply they read.
I'll never think of anyone as a coward for not leaving. Everyone has different circumstances and reasons for not walking away.
From my perspective, and if/when it comes down to it, I would never want to go on the WTS's terms. I tossed around the idea of DA'ing, but by doing that you are giving that one last piece of control over to the WTS. Screw it, I say make them force you out. Make them take the initiative to be rid of you. By DA'ing, you're playing by their rules.
Again, my opinion above has no bearing on how I view people who DA themselves. EVERYONE who is considered an exjw by the broadest definition is an equal in my book. And I would be even more proud to call them a friend over any of the friends I had who are still jw's.
by doing that you are giving that one last piece of control over to the WTS.
Wrong. By forcing someone out of your life you are siezing control from them, asserting your authority, and hurling their impotence into their teeth. I have yet to see anyone feel a sense of control after being ejected from my home or from my life. It has always been quite the opposite.
Telling someone to get the fuck out of your life - or else - and enforcing it, is not acknowledging their authority by even the wildest stretch of the immagination. It is asserting yours.
That being said, everyone has their own circumstances and priorities, and has to decide what's best for their own situation.
W
Changeling - I've wondered this myself lately. Someone in another forum said "shit or get off the pot". Which I think is kind of demeaning towards the faders. Some people have it relatively easy if all their family is out. But when you have family still in, then some thinking has to be done.
I don't know if some are uncaring and just want others to DA to do as much damage to the organization that they hate as possible.
Or perhaps is just the "come on in, the water's fine" kind of reassuring invitation to those thinking of making the jump.
(fader for the moment)
