by cognac 45 Replies latest jw friends
OK, once again, I can't help it... I'm an insane person and these adds just kill me how they pop up at just the right times... anyone see the add for single musliems? The two musliems are standing real close to each other and both smiling?
Do you think they're committing fornication Cognac? THey sure have big smiles for Musliems... I've not seen too many of them smiling. But under that burka........
My husband and I were engaged and ended up commited "fornication" on several occassions.
We thought it would be better if we confessed to get rid of the guilt. We confessed, got emotionally raped in those Judicial Committee meetings, got d/f'd, the elders told our parents to let us get married ASAP or break us up (we were both living at home at the time-only 17 and 18 years old). We got married in my parents living room with a justice of the peace. The next 8 years we kept from each other the humiliation that was given to us during our J/C meetings and never talked about it. We did get reinstated a year after we got married, but we were just young, scared kids afraid of losing our families for good, so of course we got reinstated. When we decided last year to leave the Org. we finally admitted to each other how we felt during that time of "confession". It was a horrible experience and did not leave us feeling renewed, loved, or disciplined at all.
Those are intimate details between you and your husband- regardless of whether or not you were married. Don't indulge the elders curiousity merely because theie WT Society's publications tell you to. If it really was a big deal in God's eyes, he'd step in and not have let you become a pioneer now would he? Seriously, it's nobody's business.
Hi Cognac, Sounds like a plan. Let me add something else. After you unplug yourself from the Watchtower Society, a lot of guilt about things in the past goes away. Everyone makes mistakes and the past is the past. The Watchtower thrives on making people feel guilty and not good enough. Something that helped me when I was in the midst of exiting was reading and meditating on Jesus' own words. He didn't care what people had done or where they were. He was all about healing the wounds and moving on. I hope your husband and yourself can get to that place. wots
When all of a sudden I had this brilliant idea. You see, before we were married, we got into a bit of trouble... Ok, so a whole lot of trouble. We never went to the elders about it. I have totally let it go because I did research awhile back on it and it just didn't bother me anymore. Soooooo, I asked him, "Is there anything in the back of your mind that bothers your conscious?" The look on his face was so sad... He said "don't ask me that, out of all the questions you could ask me, don't ask that".
This is a good example of how brainwashing amongst the Witnesses works. One of my best friends (who became a very zealous pioneer), made her husband go to the elders 3 years after they were married to confess that he had gone down on her before they were married. She said "...Well you know, they're sort of like our mediators with Jehovah", to which I replied "I thought that Jesus was our Mediator". Of course, Jesus is only the Mediator for 144,000. The rest of us have to make do with the elders.
Best bet is to leave the elders out of ANY of your business. They are not your exemplar nor are they your mediator between you and whoever you believe in. They cannot grant you absolution, all they can do is make trouble for you. I have heard too many horror stories from the elders themselves. They DO NOT keep a confidance.
NMG
Cognac,
I believe the best advice that you have received on this topic has been from Velta and Mouthy. I have noticed that JW's have a hard time converting from the brainwashing of never feeling worthy enough. Especially those that were raised in the truth. As a result there is serious and very damaging cult control over their minds.
If you were to read the bible without the assistance of the WT you will find the truth. The theme of the bible is Jesus Christ. Read from that perspective and not from the perspective of the Kingdom. Even though there is truth to that, the Kingdom is directly connected to Jesus Christ. The WT uses the word "Kingdom" to connect it to the faithful and discreet slave. That mind control has had a debilitating effect on witnesses and it is sad to watch. I really feel sorry for your hubby because he will always feel unworthy unless he changes his perspective about the WT. Unworthiness is a terrible, terrible feeling and one that is not encouraged by the scriptures.
Did you know that when Adam and Eve were covered by animal clothing after they had sinned in the garden of Eden that it was symbolic of Jesus Christ's future sacrifice? In order to be covered by animal clothing there had to have been a sacrifice of an animal. That was a beautiful illustration of the love that Jehovah and Jesus have for mankind and now when I read the bible I think of the loving sacrifice that Jesus made and I am very, very grateful.
Take Velta and Mouthy's advice. Don't worry about whether you're going to leave or not right now. Forget about the stupid WT and find your own truth. I still go to the meetings although occasionally (twice a week, sometimes less) and still report (fake) time. But it is so liberating to know the "real" truth. So I just sit back and observe, confident in the fact that the WT is a huge lie that will eventually be exposed. There are tons of scriptures that are taken out of context to support a point and when the blinders are off you really see it.
One time a brother who was an MS had a talk and there was this one scripture (that I can't remember now) that focused on Jesus Christ. He only focused on the "a" part of the scripture and I showed it to my husband who in turn asked the brother. He said he would get back to him and of course never did because he couldn't explain it! Research is based on the WT publications so witnesses feel that the information is automatically correct. It is NOT! I am strongly convinced because I prayed in earnest about it and found my answers.
Share these facts with your husband and then hopefully he will start to feel a lot better about himself.
Sincerely,
Einstein
P.S. Whatever you do, do NOT go to the elders. Remember they have no authority over you unless you give it to them.
