Hello Newbies and all others ! With all of the newbies the last few months joining the board I wanted to provide a thread for them to express what stresses they are going through in exiting the Jehovah's Witness cult . So please all newbies- we are happy you are here , tell us what you are going through , and some of us will help if we are able to.
So, I also invite any other members of the board to politely, lovingly assist any of these newbies with your wealth of wisdom and experience or school of hard knocks ! I welcome your comments and observations as well ! Let's help these new board members understand what is involved with some of their stresses , and help in a positive way if we are able to ! So, newbies , have at it ! Let's hear what you all are going through ! Any stresses , observations, experiences, you name it- we are here. Look forward to hearing from all. Peace out to you, Mr. Flipper
Newbies - Tell Us What You Dealing with - Getting out of the Witnesses
by flipper 39 Replies latest jw friends
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flipper
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cognizant dissident
I'm not new, Mr. Flipper, but I just wanted to say, "I like you!". I would swim in your pond any day! (Hopefully, Mrs. Flipper is not the jealous sort!)
Cog
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cognizant dissident
I'm not new, Mr. Flipper, but I just wanted to say, "I like you!". I would swim in your pond any day! (Hopefully, Mrs. Flipper is not the jealous sort!)
Cog
oops. sorry. repetition for empahsis!
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flipper
COG- Thanks for the compliment. Very kind of you. I just try to treat people with human dignity and respect ! I like you and your posts as well ! You have great thoughts . Mrs. Flipper is very stable in her relationship with me ; it's cool, we are very happy . But that was nice of you, thanks ! Hope you are doing well ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper
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OMG! Now What?
Mr. Flipper, thanks for the invite and offer for possible help, although from reading different posts on here, it's going to take years of undoing even with help.
I've faded for almost two years now, but realized that it was without an ultimate goal in mind. I just didn't go to meetings because I felt that I didn't have to listen to what they were preaching since they weren't practicing any of it. I also experienced something similar to shunning. Since I haven't been at meetings in that long, the elders have only visited me twice. Also, several times, even just on this past Saturday, I saw two sisters at two different stores who saw me then turned their head the other way and kept on walking. I know they saw me. I know they recognized me. I know they deliberately turned their heads. So, just recently, I have realized that I have faded and am deliberately trying to undo all the brainwashing done on me.
It's kinda weird that I faded without realizing I have been brainwashed nor trying to search for answers. Now, I'm into about a month of trying to recover and realization and searching for answers. The issues I'm dealing with are many. Some are what should be taken literally in the Bible and what should be taken figuratively; how could they convince me their teachings were logical and truthful; overcoming the fear of officially leaving; understanding religion and my need to belong, etc.
I think the fear of leaving and understanding what I feel like a need to belong to a religion is bothering me the most, but don't discount the others. I'm really angry and wondering if they have twisted the Bible into a fairytale just to make me believe. I'm also wondering if the Bible is what it is. I'm even kinda so confused that I don't even know about Jesus now. After reading, then researching the "mediator" thing, and trying to forget what they taught me, it's completely made me come to a religious screeching halt.
I feel like my whole existence has been placed on a narrow tightrope and one wrong move will irreparably harm me. I had one friend from my congregation. I had given up all my worldly friends from before. So, I basically have no one other than this one friend who has recently proven that she isn't a friend either. I don't understand why I feel fear of leaving officially if I only have one friend to lose. My confusion about belonging to a religion is weird too since before becoming a JW, I didn't feel the need to belong to a religious group or church or anything. Actually, I didn't have as many questions before becoming a JW than I do now.
Furthermore, since waking up and smelling the coffee, my confusion is also compounded by the fact that since I am seeing the lies in their truths, it's making me doubt everything around me. I can't really explain it, but I'll try. Simple things such as food, global warming, politics, etc. are confusing the heck out of me now. It's probably because coming to realize the real truth is tied into every facet of our daily existence and I'm just overwhelmed with the plain and simple fact that I'm alive. I put so much faith in all of what I learned and I'm now overwhelmed with dealing with the multitude of lies and I can't seem to start dealing with one issue at a time since my brain is on major overload now. It's kinda like I need to re-learn everything just I can start over.
Please help.
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cognizant dissident
Furthermore, since waking up and smelling the coffee, my confusion is also compounded by the fact that since I am seeing the lies in their truths, it's making me doubt everything around me. I can't really explain it, but I'll try. Simple things such as food, global warming, politics, etc. are confusing the heck out of me now.
Oh, I understand the confusion. My head was just spinning when I first left! It's because you always "knew" you had the answers to all those things. You were safe in your warm comforting little bubble of delusion. Now, you realize you "know nothing". It's terrifying. You must rebuild all your belief paradigms from scratch. It's like being a baby again. I went to counseling it was so anxiety producing for me. Not saying everyone needs to do this. But the questions I would ask him. I was like a little kid in grade school. I was like a 4 year old asking incessant why questions? I can't believe I didn't drive the poor man nuts. LOL!
My advice is DON'T try to figure everything out. Make taking care of your basic physical and emotional needs first priority. The world will still spin tomorrow just the same if you have not solved world hunger and global warming! LOL. It aint going anywhere I'm sure. It'll wait for you! LOL. Get to it when you are ready. I am just thinking of voting now, after two years out. I know nothing about politics! I am listening and learning from others.
Hope this helps, and by the way, WELCOME!
Cog
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OMG! Now What?
But, I can't help but to think of everything at once. When I try to focus on one question, it leads to others, then others and more. Before I know it, I'm confused again. It's so weird that it's a constant struggle. It's also weird that I don't really know who I am anymore. This has in a sense wiped me clean like a blackboard. I thought I had goals in life, I thought I knew who I was, I thought I knew about things. I know nothing now, and you're right, it's like instantly becoming a kid again and having to learn everything all over again at once. I feel like such an idiot!
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cognizant dissident
You are me two years ago! Almost word for word. It does get better though. I promise.
What helped me to calm down, and I'm not saying this is right for you, is to learn to meditate. It has made such a difference in my life. I was on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medicine for my last 10 years as a witness. Helped me cope with the cognitive dissonance! lol. Hence my avatar name.
Anyway, one year of meditation, and I can calm my own mind, thoughts and bodily arousal and sensations. No medication for a year now. That is major in my book! Anyway, doesn't hurt to try it. Guaranteed not to harm you. It's just deep breathing mostly.
Cog
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OMG! Now What?
Sorry, but here's one more thing. "You shouldn't separate yourself by not attending meetings with the friends." Who are those people? They certainly weren't my friends. I'm trying to deal with the simple definition of the word "friend" now. How could they even call each other friends when they won't even look at you at the supermarket?
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cognizant dissident
For me, losing friends was the hardest. My friends were my family, in my heart. As I have issues and wasn't close to my family. I came to the realization, that I was really losing nothing if it could be given up by them so easily. I meditated on what kind of person I wanted to be, what I admired in others. Then I tried to be that person. Like minded people will come, in time. Patience. I just had some new worldly friend do something for me no JW or family has ever done. I was so touched, I cried for hours. Only known this person for two years now. "Worldly" people can be beautiful. Some of the best people you will ever meet. What JW's say about them is lies.
Cog