Newbies - Tell Us What You Dealing with - Getting out of the Witnesses

by flipper 39 Replies latest jw friends

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  oompa

  howdy flip.....I have not been here a year so I am still a newbie......I think that part of my problem has been trying to get family and a few friends to understand how I feel....they wont get it til they are ready.......It is so frustrating and drives to to tears......I have to balance my new freedom with the despair everyone around me feels for me "probably being apostate" and/or mental! To stay "just faded" makes me still feel so trapped. I want to go do social stuff with some nearby faders that I know would be good for me.....so how do explain that to wifey and son?

  How stupid! Just be honest...."Honey, great news! I met some really nice apostates we have a ton in common with and we are doing bruch Saturday!"....see. My 20 year old, Mini Serve--reg pioneer son is having problems cause his friends parents dont want them anywhere near me (i think i have leprosy) and he is very very distant. I have been really depressed and tried to get help, but the bottle is so much more effective, cheaper....at least temporarlly. I gotta shake it just so I can middle finger everyone who thinks I am a postate freak...................................guess I have issues still..........................oompa
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  Robert7

  I would say the top things I am dealing with my fade are:

  - Trying my damndest to effictively fade, and not get DF'd. Due to family & friends, I guess I want (for now) the best of both worlds. Fade away but keep my contacts. This can be hard, because people will ask to go out in service. They ask about meeting attendance. I have to wiggle my way out of all that loosely without being negative (no apostate comments). Although I want to fade, I have no desire to discuss my views with others, because if they're happy, then let it be, and also that will bring me down for apostacy so fast.

  - Keep family life. My wife is an active JW, and she knows I want to fade, and overall she is being good about it. I have to be sure to do my best to do what I want without hurting our relationship. This is also difficult.

  - Stop from getting sucked back in. It is SO easy to just believe the JW story and get back in. When you hear the well-made stories from the 'mature ones' of how this is the truth, Jehovah's organization, etc, since this is what I know best, it is easy to fall for it and get back in. Then things would be 'normal' again. Fact is I don't want that. This is the biggest reason I visit JWD, so I can keep the reality check in place.

  - I also can't stop thinking about it. At some point I want to just move on, but for now, I think about this all the time every day. I am doing research all the time, because I want to be 100% sure of what I am doing. I think I am 100% sure, but still, this is taking up a lot of my time. I have a feeling that as long as I want to fade, and still associate with the Witnesses, this will always be an issue. I just want to get to the point where I just visit meetings on occasion, and it otherwise is not a part of my life.
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  flipper

  OMG ! NOW WHAT ? - Welcome OMG ! Peace to you ! What you are going through is what many of us go through getting out of the witnesses. As COGNIZANT said, " It will get better, give yourself time . " I've been out 4 years and it took me a little time as well. The witnesses did twist the Bible to their own fairy tale ending - just to recruit more new followers. Then they try to change their beliefs to accommodate their failed fulfillment of prophecies. This has happened in other " mind control cults " as well- not just the witnesses. Other people have been duped by religious failed prophecies.
  
  In actuality , I agree with how you felt before being a witness - no need to belong to a religious group. I felt that way also after exiting the witnesses, and I still feel that way. To understand how the Jehovah's Witness religion deceived all of us - I highly recommend you read the book " Crisis of Conscience " by Ray Franz , an ex- governing body member of Jehovah's Witnesses, this will let you know what really occurred inside the organization and clear your thoughts up on things ! Also, I advise you to read " Combatting Cult Mind Control" , by Steve Hassan . It will help you see the methods of " mind control" that were used by the witnesses so you are able to understand how you, and the rest of us were easily fooled. It could have happened to anybody !
  
  Also the big lie that will be told you by the witnesses as COGNIZANT said, is the witnesses try to make you fear people on the outside so as to not have access to important information you need . They try to make you fear leaving the cult and give you false expectations of what will happen if you leave ! Things like you will turn into a drug abusing, lying, murdering fornicator. stupid stuff ! But nothing is further from the truth. You become happier more fulfilled as a person !
  
  OOMPA- No easy solutions my friend. I feel for you ! However , that being said you are correct your family are the abnormal ones, they are under , " cult mind control". You are normal wanting freedom of thought ! They don't understand it because they are under " information control". They can only see what the " tunnel vision " organization allows them to see ! So keep that in mind - they are blind, not you ! There is nothing wrong with visiting faders - you don't have to disclose to the wife they are apostate . Just good friends ! You do need some kind of support group OOMPA ! Avail yourself of some of these faders help- or better yet go to AA and get help there as well ! If you can get help from both these sources- I think you will do better . It will help you more than the bottle- but you have to be the first one to take the step bro ! Do it for you - you are hurting yourself the other way. I care dude ! Peace , buddy, call anytime !
  
  COGNIZANT DISSENCE- Great advice from you for OMG, very good advice indeed !
  
  ROBERT 7- Welcome friend ! Most of us are like you when we exit the witness cult too. Hanging onto family and friends. I've been able to keep some family who respect my fading status- it is doable. That is smart to keep peace with your wife- make her happy !
  
  It is true the course of least resistance would be to fall under the JW's mind control spell again- but you wouldn't be happy ! Just keep educating yourself and learning about your freedom and how privileged you are to have it finally ! Read the books I advised to OMG on my answer to her post and it will help you understand things more clearly ! Good luck guy, peace out friend, Mr. Flipper
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  mouthy

  You do need some kind of support group OOMPA

  I am so glad Flipper said that before I did. OOmpa Please do get some help..I knew another that took to the bottle .... Your wife will leave you if you dont. ( IN MY OPINION) I know that is the only thing that Jehovahs Witnesses are allowed to do DRINK!!! But it can be a hindering in your marriage. I am sorry if this offends But in my 80 + years I have seen where the bottle as the comforter can give More problems.
  We do love you OOmpa & only say this to sort of be buddies. (((((((((HUGS))))
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  flipper

  MOUTHY- You are a sweet caring , loving lady who we are all privileged to have on our board here ! Thanks so much for your years of experience , caring, and wisdom you are willing to share with all of us- newbies included ! Keep it up my friend ! You help many , including myself ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper
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  Einstein

  I go to the Hall maybe once a week, sometimes twice. I don't go out in fs at all. They caught me the other night and I recorded a couple of hours. I wish I hadn't though. I just didn't feel like any questions.

  What they don't know is that I have been pursing a Master's degree for the past year. Quite frankly it's none of their business. I think that it is just plain ridiculous that you are supposed to confide in people that you otherwise wouldn't and expose your life to them. It used to make me laugh how people would run to the elders. I could never understand that.

  Einstein
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  flipper

  EINSTEIN- Very true what you say my friend. I'm so glad you are getting your Masters degree. You are right- it is none of the witnesses business that you acquire your degree, and it is odd how people run to the elders about everything. it is part of the " I can't do anything for myself, or think for myself " mentality that Jehovah's Witnesses have. Welcome here Einstein to the board- we look forward to your posts. You are among friends here. Many of who have been through similar things in life as you ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper
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  Eliveleth

  Flipper - Such a good thing to post. I know there are a lot of people out there who have not resolved their problems and sometimes there is not a place to post them.

  OMG - When we leave the WT, we are all confused because we actually are "still in the WT" in the sense that we still believe most of what they told us. What does the Bible tell us is the way to be saved?

  Believe in the Lord Jesus and you will be saved!!! Does it say that you have to follow a bunch of rules? NO! It says BELIEVE. By this I don't mean that you can take lightly what the Bible says in other places, but I believe that faith in Jesus' sacrifice will give you salvation. The way I found that the WT was not God's organization was: One day we were reading the Bible (Just the Bible, not with the WT or any of their literature) It was the New World Translation and we came across the place in Luke 11:11--13 where it says: "Indeed, which father is there among you who, if his son asks for a fish, will perhaps hand him a serpent, instead of a fish? Or if he also asks for an egg, will hand him a scorpion? Therefore if you, although being wicked, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more so will the Father in heaven give holy spirit to those asking him!" This jumped out of the page and hit me!!! I could ask for Holy Spirit and the Father would give it to me? This changed my life. I began to read the Bible and see the truth! I could see what the Bible was saying, not some man's interpretation. ASK AND YOU WILL RECEIVE, SEEK AND YOU WILL FIND. God is good. He will show you if you ask.

  Love and hugs,

  Velta
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  flipper

  EVILETH- Very nice words by you my friend. Thanks for your kindness. I'm sure some here who are looking for good spiritual thoughts will appreciate your kind words. Thank you
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  Eliveleth

  Oompa said: I have been really depressed and tried to get help, but the bottle is so much more effective, cheaper....at least temporarlly.

  I have been there. For many years as a Jehovah's Witness, I was an alcoholic. My husband and I could put away a fifth a night if it was not a meeting night. We did not think we were alcoholics, but every evening we would start to drink at about 4 oclock. (See we could wait till then and not drink during the day) One day we were at another elder's house (My husband was an elder from 1945-1981.) We started drinking in the afternoon and in the evening when we went home, I realized that I did not remember anything about that afternoon. I asked my husband how I had acted and he said normal. (Of course he had been drinking too so it might have seemed normal to him even if it wasn't) I realized at that time that I had a REAL problem and that I had to do something about it. But what? I couldn't go to a worldly counsellor, I sure as heck couldn't go to another elder as it would put my husband's eldership in jeopary, and I did not know that I could ask for Holy Spirit for help. WHAT TO DO? I remembered that in the Old Testament a person could make a vow to Jehovah. I knew that if I did I would have to keep it because the Bible says: "He who makes a vow must keep it" or displease Jehovah. I started out by making this vow for a week (I was afraid I would not be able to not drink and I wanted to cover myself) I also figured that drinking was a habit and if I stopped for a while I would be able to go back and drink sensibly) Boy was that a laugh. As soon as the time was over, I would immediately go back to over drinking. I COULD NOT HELP MYSELF! I gradually built up, a week, two weeks, a month, a year. At the end of the year, I really thought I could handle it. I immediately drank too much and passed out. That was when I realized that I could never drink again. I immediately took a vow to not drink for another year. At the end of that year I told my husband that I was not going to ever drink again. Being that he was my husband and the OT said that a husband could nullify his wife's vow, he told me to just not drink for another year. I did that and at the end of the next year, I took the same vow and finally have never drank again. By the time I was out of the WT, I did not even desire to drink. By that time, Holy Spirit was guiding my life and I never wanted to drink. My husband, however, continued to drink for several years and finally he quit too. I am not sure what would have happened to me if I had not quit. What I did is not the answer for everyone, but it worked for me. There are lots of programs out there. One of the best that I have seen is the 12-step program that some churches promote, but AA is very good too. Alcohol will destroy your life!!!! It affected my relationship with my children and others. Please Oompa get help for yourself. Drinking does not help. It just makes more problems.

  With much love and empathy,

  Velta