You are perfect...You know that...so
Why not ask a question?
Why lie?
by Crumpet 62 Replies latest jw friends
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KenseiShimonzu
Louisiana rocks
@crumpet
Lol,sometimes it does i suppose..not so much when you've been here your whole life though..i forgot y'all were just down here not too long ago for the gathering in Dallas..did you get a chance to get yourself some of that "Southern cuisine" while you were down here Crump?:P
@AWAKE&WATCHING
Yes they are,some of the sickest..however they also like to do the little "reverse psychology" blame thing Gopher mentioned,the reason behind this is so that when they accuse you,they're appealing to your conscience,because they KNOW you haven't lied..and you are more than willing to prove it most times,they can rest easy that their initial lie will go unnoticed/unchecked because you will be too busy defending against/proving yourself that you will eventually forget that they lied from the get go..this in itself is yet another mindgame,within a mindgame...very sick indeed..liars are some of the only people in the world that inevitably get to see the "dark side"of my temper...i have an extremely low tolerance for people that deliberately try to hurt other people,using whatever methods they might use.-KS
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AWAKE&WATCHING
Hey Crumpet honey, did someone lie to you and you want to talk about it?
You know you can do that here. We've missed you.
Are you O.K.? Why not tell us what is bothering you? I think you need to get it out.
Pick someone and pm them or post.
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Gopher
Abandoned, you are so right about this:
These are the kind of people who thrive on chaos and confusion.
Actually, this is one of the main symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder. It's quite frustrating because it's like arguing the bible with a witness. As soon as you make some sense, they switch to a different topic and try to throw you off. It's better to just not have a converstation with them in the first place. Failing that, keep it short and sweet.My first marriage was in the JW's, to a person I now know suffers from BPD. I cannot avoid her entirely now as a child is involved. You are so right -- there's no reasoning with people like this, they are in a parallel universe.
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Abandoned
My first marriage was in the JW's, to a person I now know suffers from BPD. I cannot avoid her entirely now as a child is involved. You are so right -- there's no reasoning with people like this, they are in a parallel universe.
Dude, I feel so bad for you. I've had two girlfriends that I KNOW were diagnosed with BPD. A member of my family has it. And I believe that at least two of my acquainances have it. It's sad because the people that have it are never happy. They constantly feel chaos inside of themselve and the only time they feel relatively OK is when they are distracting themselves (a lot of times with drugs or reckless behavior) or are projecting their chaos onto someone else.
I'm very quick at noticing the signs now. Very quick.
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Abandoned
One more note:
If you find yourself in a relationship where you are never able to have a conversation because every time you make a point, the person changes the subject or just makes crazy, off the wall statements, you may know one who suffers from the disease. In that case, check out this book:
It's very helpful.
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Gopher
Tom,
Good that you notice the signs now. It's too bad, for some of us to learn discernment we had to experience really bad actors / liars coming through our life. The trap I fell into was thinking that if I treated people well, they'd automatically return the favor. I'm not so blind now.
We can't lie to ourselves any more. The truth is: we deserve better friends and relationships.
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Abandoned
The trap I fell into was thinking that if I treated people well, they'd automatically return the favor.
Especially not a BPD. They are very jealous of the peace that people who love themselves have. It drives them up a tree. In my personal case, my family member that suffers is a lot more creative than I am, but doesn't do anything with his or her abilities and then thinks I'm trying to show him or her up when I win an award or something.
The thing to remember is that they aren't totally in control of their actions. The common thought is that it takes a combination of drugs and therapy to deal with the disease.
edit: check out the symptoms in the above book by clicking on the search inside link. It's the fifth or sixth page in.
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sweetface2233
I think every guy I ever dated had/has BPD.
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Mincan
Actually, this is one of the main symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder. It's quite frustrating because it's like arguing the bible with a witness. As soon as you make some sense, they switch to a different topic and try to throw you off. It's better to just not have a converstation with them in the first place. Failing that, keep it short and sweet.
I have been diagnosed with this by my psychiatrist (I know this proxy my support worker, she asks me questions all the time designed to test me) . However, projection with me isn't quite like you describe. I project as a coping mechanism, but this is where other facets of their personality comes in, the projection can be used effectively to deflect pain from themselves, it does not have to hurt anyone else. Projection is one of the coping mechanisms I haven't used very much, my big two are disassociation (!) and compartmentalisation (!), along with the obvious self-medicating, which along with my ADHD is a constant battle, thanks to Ritalin though, my consumption of cannabis and alcohol has dropped 95%! I don't use deflection either... I'm very sensitive to criticism (BPD/ADHD Double whammy) but I take it on the inside, and then I use the splitting ALL THE TIME, and it drives me crazy. Did anyone mention the splitting? Splitting is where they take a person on the last thing that was said or done to them. Borderlines have no relationship contextual continuation. Every statement made by anyone is taken without any context of the previous history of the relationship. It really sucks. In relationships (even people on JWD) I may go a long time without talking to them directly because I don't want to ruin the relationship or I've imagine rejection or abandonment somewhere and retreat. I beg the person not to take it personally if they notice this, it will cycle and they will be again in my good books. Unlike some borderlines, I don't do anything to the person when I consider them all bad, it's like they don't exist to me then.
It's sad because the people that have it are never happy. They constantly feel chaos inside of themselve and the only time they feel relatively OK is when they are distracting themselves (a lot of times with drugs or reckless behavior)
Sigh, yea... it's a great life. What a nice description from someone who doesn't have it.
They are very jealous of the peace that people who love themselves have. It drives them up a tree.
I envy, I'm not jealous. The difference being I get sad, not angry and feeling cheated. I don't necessarily care what others have, just what I do, peace of mind chief among them. Peace of mind is my life's quest (and loving myself as you mention, everything I do is based on whether I can love myself and if it conforms to my perfectionist core belief system (this is the main reason leaving the JWs effected me), and it will never happen. Add to this I have ADHD (so that means I have lower baseline self-esteem and you get ...
In my personal case, my family member that suffers is a lot more creative than I am, but doesn't do anything with his or her abilities and then thinks I'm trying to show him or her up when I win an award or something.
I will never live up to my potential thanks to ADHD and Borderline. It's pretty common too, 25% of ADHD people also have cormobid Borderline. Over 60% have cormorbid anxiety and depression.
What sucks is people look at me and see a normal "non ill" person, but have no Fing clue about my head, and how well a person can learn to hide their pain. Those closest to me that I've given up trying to hide it from may see me staring off into space a hell of a lot with grimace.
"Have you thought about this?" "What are your plans?" "When are you going to get a job?" "Why don't you ever visit us?" "Why do you seem so distant?" "Don't be a stranger." I know why my psychiatrist doesn't openly talk to me, he knows my only defence is hiding, and by his silence I have to bring my concerns to the fore and choose my words carefully.
I have like this perfect clusterfuck tridesta of things that work on each other, if you understand psychology put these three together and think of all the great ways they are alike and compliment each other - ADHD (with its comorbidities anxiety and depression), Borderline, ISFP