Sexual Harassment

by reneeisorym 61 Replies latest jw friends

reneeisorym

We all have people we are close to that we allow more freedom of speech. he is a total stranger. That is just creepy.
Amen -- A stranger asking me that is what offended me so much. I may have been offended at a close co-worker asked me that and also felt comfortable to tell him to watch his mouth. Honestly -- I could have said a lot of things at that time that would have been better. But in the situation, I was speechless and shocked.
My meeting with my manager and the president was today. They took my statement first and agreed that it was out of line. They said they would do something about it and then get back with me to tell me how it went. So they confronted the guy. He said that he asked, "Are ya'll around each other a lot?" ... That makes NO sense -- We're married! Plus I have no hearing problems and I know what I heard and I saw his body language!
So they met with me again this afternoon. She said it didn't matter what he said. He shouldn't have walked out of the room after whatever he said and I acted so shocked.... They just slapped his hand. The guy called me and apologized. I just said -- "ok"
Just to give you all a clue at what I go through and don't say anything about: I've been in a conversation with 4 other men when they started talking about who is circumcised and who is not. I've seen them talking about how they wish they could improve their sex life with their wives. I've had them curse (mf / gd type language) -- and ask them to stop without an improvement. I've had them ask me if I was a lesbian (just to be pains -- I've so obviously not / married). I had one curse me one side and down the other calling me a b**** and several other colorful names. (He appologized later because it was my coworker responsible and not me.) All of this and I didn't report it. I'm not a trouble maker. I can take a joke and take things with a grain of salt. This just struck me as too far !
frankiespeakin

Ren,
So they met with me again this afternoon. She said it didn't matter what he said. He shouldn't have walked out of the room after whatever he said and I acted so shocked.... They just slapped his hand. The guy called me and apologized. I just said -- "ok"
You say: "they just slapped his hand. The guy called me and apologized." I take it from this that you feel much more should have been done to him, instead of just a slap on the hand? Maybe Boiled in oil, or 30 days in the stocks, or getting fired might have been more to your liking for his punishment?
I've been in a conversation with 4 other men when they started talking about who is circumcised and who is not. I've seen them talking about how they wish they could improve their sex life with their wives. I've had them curse (mf / gd type language) -- and ask them to stop without an improvement. I've had them ask me if I was a lesbian (just to be pains -- I've so obviously not / married). I had one curse me one side and down the other calling me a b**** and several other colorful names. (He appologized later because it was my coworker responsible and not me.) All of this and I didn't report it. I'm not a trouble maker. I can take a joke and take things with a grain of salt. This just struck me as too far !
I don't see your logic or reasoning in this. A coworker abuses you and curses you up one side and down the other and you take it with a grain of salt, and don't report him, but the other worker you report for something far more minor. What is it about the second guy that was worse? was it the color of his skin, or he wasn't attractive, or perhaps different religion, came from the wrong side of town?
frankiespeakin

Ren,
I've been in a conversation with 4 other men when they started talking about who is circumcised and who is not. I've seen them talking about how they wish they could improve their sex life with their wives. I've had them curse (mf / gd type language) -- and ask them to stop without an improvement. I've had them ask me if I was a lesbian (just to be pains -- I've so obviously not / married).
You can't expect to get people to change their conversation subject matter or words they choose when you are in the minority (4 men & you). I can see why they didn't feel obligated to change as requested by you, and may have felt annoyed at the request. You can't expect everyone to have the lilly white morals that you consider acceptable in speach and to bend over backwards in thier choice of words or discussions to make it more to your liking, and not offend your strict sense of what is acceptable. Speaking as a guy, and knowing how guys speak with one another, and enjoying freedom to speak in such a way, I might have chided you a little, about the need to change the conversation, or told you go somewhere else if you didn't like the subject matter, it all depends on how you came across in your request.
hillbilly

can we all say "caveman"? Frankie, your a putz/
even I can remember when men minded their manners within earshot of women. Rene... you did nothing wrong and should expect a respect in your workplace, from now on document!
~Hill
DJK

even I can remember when men minded their manners within earshot of women. Rene... you did nothing wrong and should expect a respect in your workplace, from now on document!
~Hill
frankiespeakin

"Times they are a changin" my Hilbilly friend. I never understood this one as very legetimate:
"I can remember when men minded their manners within earshot of women."
When many women I know "don't think twice" about the vernacular and useing such words. Anyway I think it not that women's ears are that sensitive that we need to so circumspect. It is all cultural indoctrination and religious up bringing that give these words powerful impact, on the virgin ears.
reneeisorym

Ren,
So they met with me again this afternoon. She said it didn't matter what he said. He shouldn't have walked out of the room after whatever he said and I acted so shocked.... They just slapped his hand. The guy called me and apologized. I just said -- "ok"
You say: "they just slapped his hand. The guy called me and apologized." I take it from this that you feel much more should have been done to him, instead of just a slap on the hand? Maybe Boiled in oil, or 30 days in the stocks, or getting fired might have been more to your liking for his punishment?
I've been in a conversation with 4 other men when they started talking about who is circumcised and who is not. I've seen them talking about how they wish they could improve their sex life with their wives. I've had them curse (mf / gd type language) -- and ask them to stop without an improvement. I've had them ask me if I was a lesbian (just to be pains -- I've so obviously not / married). I had one curse me one side and down the other calling me a b**** and several other colorful names. (He appologized later because it was my coworker responsible and not me.) All of this and I didn't report it. I'm not a trouble maker. I can take a joke and take things with a grain of salt. This just struck me as too far !
I don't see your logic or reasoning in this. A coworker abuses you and curses you up one side and down the other and you take it with a grain of salt, and don't report him, but the other worker you report for something far more minor. What is it about the second guy that was worse? was it the color of his skin, or he wasn't attractive, or perhaps different religion, came from the wrong side of town?
First off, I told them in the meeting that I didn't think he should be fired. I told them that I would be happy if they asked him to just refrain from asking me such questions in the future.
The other incident was a guy who was a "friend." (he was in my wedding for example). I felt quite comfortable handling it my self. I told him that he better not even think about talking to me like that again. That if I was to report that he could be fired and I would think twice about ever using such language around me again. I did tell my immediate supervisor to make a mental note but not to make a report unless the problem didn't stop there. He honored my request.
The difference was that this guy wasn't under the supervision of my supervisor. I didn't intend on this going that far. I just reported it to our manager who insisted we make a report and get the whole of top officials involved. I would have been happy if he would have just said something to him about watching his mouth. This manager didn't handle it as well as my supervisor.
Even still I want to inform you about how freedom works. I have a freedom to sensor what goes in my ears. Other people's freedom of speech ends when it infringes on my freedom to hear what I want to. All of these incidents happened in my office. If these people wanted to talk about these things, they can go to other offices and talk all they want to. I have every right to ask that people not talk about things I don't want to hear about.
hillbilly

I dont know about virgin ears... I worked on electric line crew (rivals longshormen and sailors as far a "vernacular" goes"... it's a shame women all have potty mouths these days... I guess all genders need to mind their manners.
foul languang is just a weak mind expressing itself forcefully.
~Hill
R.Crusoe

I had hundreds of women sexually harrassing me in life!!!
Now I see my understanding was all in vain!!
They are rutheless in their endeavours!
Maybe I shoulda got them all fired!!!!!!

frankiespeakin

Ren,

The other incident was a guy who was a "friend." (he was in my wedding for example). I felt quite comfortable handling it my self. I told him that he better not even think about talking to me like that again. That if I was to report that he could be fired and I would think twice about ever using such language around me again. I did tell my immediate supervisor to make a mental note but not to make a report unless the problem didn't stop there. He honored my request.

Well I see your one of those that runs to your "superiors" or supervisor and tattles over trifles, kind of reminds me of when I was in 1st grade and burpt without saying "excuse me", well a little miss righteous, asked me in a stuck up way to say "excuse me" I just looked at her and told her basically to get lost. Well she raised her hand and got the monitor to come to our table and tried to have her force an "excuse me" out of me.

The difference was that this guy wasn't under the supervision of my supervisor. I didn't intend on this going that far. I just reported it to our manager who insisted we make a report and get the whole of top officials involved. I would have been happy if he would have just said something to him about watching his mouth. This manager didn't handle it as well as my supervisor.

You could have just told him yourself to watch his mouth, simple solution, unless you really wanted to get the guy in trouble, then being a tattle-tale is the way go.

Even still I want to inform you about how freedom works.

Please do inform me "about how freedom works". sheesh,, I'm so in the dark honey please give me a lesson:

I have a freedom to sensor what goes in my ears. Other people's freedom of speech ends when it infringes on my freedom to hear what I want to.

Simple solution,, put your fingers in your ears and say:" nah nah nah nah" until the offending verses have been said. And you have sucessfully sensored what comes into your sensitive ears.

All of these incidents happened in my office. If these people wanted to talk about these things, they can go to other offices and talk all they want to. I have every right to ask that people not talk about things I don't want to hear about.

I agree with you here, you should have just asked him yourself instead of drag in the big guns honey child.

Sexual Harassment

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