Dating a JW and how to get her off the cult or becoming a member myself (page 7)

sweetface2233

Yeah, go ahead and get her to marry you. That way she can spend the rest of her life being constantly berated and looked down upon by members of the congregation for marrying an unbeliever. How fun it will be when she comes home crying 3 days a week and resents you for not loving and obeying her God. And when you have kids, watch how they get questioned from the other kids in the hall who ask where their daddy is. Yeah...sounds like a wonderful, happy life to me. Remind me to never ask for relationship advice on this forum.

svennibenni

Hi Sweetface,

I love your irony - as a matter of fact this question is long off the table. I already asked her 6 weeks ago and she told me she will marry me after I joined the JW.

That kinda life that you are describing is NOT worth livin -.everybody knows that But if we would move to a country where no JW branch is.... but surely they are everywhere

@ everybody else : I sat myself seperately because I didnt want anybody to see us to be close,nobody knows about our feelings - for them we are only collegues and she is playing this game, too

OnTheWayOut

Sweetface, I was just answering that way because he hasn't wanted to
listen to reason. He's been told to run away or to help her from the outside.
He's been told that she might return to them out of guilt. He's been told
that he's going to be on a real rollercoaster ride, so he might as well
just put her on the same rollercoaster.

Of course he shouldn't marry her, but he doesn't want to listen.
What normally happens is that the two of them have relations, she
goes to the elders in guilt, they DF her because she did it for so long
without coming forward, she either leaves him to go back or marries him.
Either way, she is miserable. I am just shortcutting that- avoiding the DF.

sweetface2233

OTWO, I get what you are saying, but either way, she and he will be miserable. She may avoid being DF'd right now, but what is going to happen in 5 years when they are miserable and some prick MS at the hall preys on this poor miserable girl who is married to an unbeliever who "just doesn't get it" and they start having an affair? Worse case senerio, yes, but it happens everyday and everyone here knows of a situation in their hall, or a neighboring one, where this has happened.

Svenni, she is sending you mixed signals and treating you very unfairly. I know it hurts, believe me. I have been dealing w/ mixed signals from guys since I was 15 years old. No good can come from this; I can guarantee it. She needs to shit or get off the toilet. She either wants you or she doesn't. She may be young, and that could be the problem, but you both need to be adults here. Stop wasting your time w/ someone who obviously has no clue what she wants. She doesn't even know if she wants to be a JW (going in service, then having some sort of sex w/ you afterward). Cut your losses and move on. There is going to be another girl right around the corner. That, I can also guarantee.

justhuman

Man don't be crazy..don't get involved with JW's. They will ruin your life...they are a CULT..We ex-jw's know this by first hand...Our lifes have been ruined completely...ask us and we will give you all the help you need to help your girl friend to get out from there..and again it will be VERY hard for her to leave Watchtower.

No matter what DON'T THINK TO BECOME A JW...

wanderlustguy

I remembered the story ot her brother and had her promise me that she will NOT ever even think of suicide or whatsoever.

You still don't get it. I'm not trying to be a jerk to you, but seriously, this girl is f*cked up and you are going to make it worse. You don't love her, at least not yet, she's just something that you can't have. Are you ready to be this girls entire family, take the place of all of her friends? Because that's what you are about to do. She needs to make that choce without you. Every time you see her you run the risk of putting her in hell, overnight.

Be a man about this and walk off. There's plenty other people out there.

wanderlustguy

Remind me to never ask for relationship advice on this forum.

No sh*t. This guy is a jackass and if this were my daughter he would never be found again if I found out about it. Just posted this after seeing "it's off the table" post. Congratulations, pal, you just decided to help ruin a life. This is why I hate men right here, selfish f*cktards.

Horrible advice to be sure.

Off the soap box...I guess we'll get another one of these next week to get pissed about.

svennibenni

I can imagine what you think about me and I can understand you very well. But isnt all she does a sign that she might be willing to leave the JW ? Although she doesnt know that yet. Do you think it's better to let her stay in that cult only because she will feel miserable afterwards ? So everybody should stay there .. ? Doesnt that forum also exist to help people out of that cult ? To give help and consolation.... I know you cannot divide me out of that eqquation, but if I were not so deeply involved - shouldnt I not try to help her. I know the person who will turn out in the end might not be what I want. But the first step in either case is to get her off that shit. Don't you think so ? All you are telling me is to leave her alone and find somebody else. It isnt that easy you see, actually there are two goals to reach one for her sake and then maybe one for us/me. Surely she will need help and the only person she REALLY trusts in is me. She will at least listen if I had something to tell whereas a doctor will never get to her ear

Eyes Open

As far as I understand, the two of them have decided to remain unmarried until Sven becomes a JW/the girl ceases to be controlled by the cult (a prerequisite to enabling both parties to come out of this with their lives in tact in my opinion). I also understand from what Sven has previously posted in this thread that he wishes to proceed with allowing the girl to free herself, and as they will not be meeting in private anymore I trust that no sexual behaviour will take place while this is an issue in order to protect the girl from herself and her religious leaders.

sweetface2233
Svenni, she is sending you mixed signals and treating you very unfairly. I know it hurts, believe me. I have been dealing w/ mixed signals from guys since I was 15 years old. No good can come from this; I can guarantee it. She needs to shit or get off the toilet. She either wants you or she doesn't. She may be young, and that could be the problem, but you both need to be adults here. Stop wasting your time w/ someone who obviously has no clue what she wants. She doesn't even know if she wants to be a JW (going in service, then having some sort of sex w/ you afterward). Cut your losses and move on. There is going to be another girl right around the corner. That, I can also guarantee.

From an outside perspective, this line of reasoning is certainly sensible. However, Sven has stated that he believes she is worth waiting for - if he's determined to put himself on the line I think we should help him after warning him. The girl is merely a result of the cult way of life, and cannot be expected to make decisions on what we consider a normal basis. Sven must surely understand this by now.

svennibenni:
I know the person who will turn out in the end might not be what I want. But the first step in either case is to get her off that shit. Don't you think so ?

I personally do think so. Others here are concerned about your emotional closeness to her, and you're going to have to be tough with yourself for some time.

svennibenni:
I have a bible lesson tonight and after that I want to start asking her a single question that she cannot answer or has some trouble with. Is that wise or what should I do first. I need facts and I need answers.

Remember Sven - slowly does it. Don't get her stumped on a topic as soon as you start on it. Ease her into the subject gradually, perhaps allowing her to think that it's going entirely the way the WTS wants it to. I'm sorry to repeat myself, but it's so important.

What kind of bible lessons do you go to? What have you studied with her already, and what was the last thing you discussed? Does she use a particular book or brochure with you?

wanderlustguy

I want to apologise for calling you a Jackass, usually I try to stay with the subject and not get personal.

I have lost two women I loved very much to the journey out, both were affected in no small way by men who didn't know and didn't care about what they were doing to these people. Even worse is the fact that there are now 3 children between the two of them that have no mother, two saw their mom die right in front of them in red technicolor.

Try to see that I say what I say because of them, AND to perhaps spare you something you will never, ever be able to get over.

Good luck in whatever you do...for you, and for her.

This is my last post on this thread, I am sorry again for getting personal.

WLG

Dating a JW and how to get her off the cult or becoming a member myself

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