Did you think your life was over as you knew it? Were you sure? (page 3)

oompa

OUCH SPARKPLUG......YOU ARE BRIEF AND DANGEROUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...............OOMPA

I'm so sorry you're going through this now. I was in the same situation as you... Raised in, every single friend I ever had was a JW, as was my husband. My kids had been raised in all their lives. My friends went from being very concerned, to being pushy ("what can I do to help you get back to meetings?") to ignoring me. I thought my life and my marriage would never be the same.

It's been over 3 years since I was to a meeting last, and everything has finally settled into some sort of normalacy. Some friends still avoid me. But some, when we're forced together in some social setting, treat me like they always have. We have fun together like we always did. I KNOW it has everything to do with my own attitude. I'm not apologetic anymore, afraid they'll ask me about meetings... I am who I am, and they can see that I'm happy and confident. So they respect me and I respect them (praying before eating, etc), and we enjoy each other.

You say you're worried about not being the husband and father you used to be. Why are you worried about that?? That person spent umpteen hours at meetings and service and studying. You have time to spend with your family (when they're not at meetings), you have the freedom to discover the person you really are and what you really believe. You are a better person now without the mind control.

Is your life going to be different? Absolutely. Your marriage? Yup. But I believe that marriage is always about compromise, JW or not. Your wife and kids believe differently than you. That's ok, as long as they respect you for who you are now, and you respect who they are. I absolutely hate the fact that my husband wastes so much time and money going to meetings, service, assemblies, etc. But he hates the fact that I don't go with him. And we have found a way to live with that - because he's a good person and I want my kids to have a happy home to come to when they are grown and have their own families.

I know it doesn't work for everyone. But if you can convince yourself that you deserve to be treated with respect, you'll project that belief, and it will affect others' treatment of you. Maybe that's a good thing to start with?

(((((((oompa))))))

GGG

dawg

Oompa, you're right... I am drinking... sorry, but if its 20-22 year old sons, you might consider a sit down with them, all men make mistakes...admitting to your sons you made one with the JWs, being honest... how can that be a bad idea?

oompa

GGG:
I absolutely hate the fact that my husband wastes so much time and money going to meetings, service, assemblies, etc. But he hates the fact that I don't go with him. And we have found a way to live with that - because he's a good person and I want my kids to have a happy home to come to when they are grown and have their own families.
I know it doesn't work for everyone. But if you can convince yourself that you deserve to be treated with respect, you'll project that belief, and it will affect others' treatment of you. Maybe that's a good thing to start with?
(((((((oompa))))))
GGG

GGG, this is soooooo thoughtful, but I hat to think aobut convincing myself I deserve respect, especially when nobody in the congregation will give it to me, or probably the family either. I also dont like the thought that he person I am supposed to be closest to will hate the fact I dont go to meetings with er.....It seems a fantasy to think about my grown kids being happy with this whole deal when one is a pioneer mini-serve, and the other is df'd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.................................oompa

GoingGoingGone

When my kids want to accomplish something difficult, they always come to me for help and/or encouragement because I firmly believe that you can accomplish anything you set your mind to (generally speaking.) So, we talk and they inevitably end up saying, "But I caaaan't (enter difficult task here)." And my standard reply to them always is, "Not with THAT attitude you can't."

You deserve to be treated with respect because you are a good person. You care so much about the feelings and well-being of your wife and kids that this situation is tearing you apart. But people 'teach' others how to treat them. If you don't believe you're worthy of respect, then you won't get it either. If you believe that you are a good person, you will (eventually) be treated that way by your family.

Don't let other people's treatment of you determine your self worth in your own mind!!! You have a voice, too, and an opinion. Take stock of yourself as a husband, father, etc, focus on what you do right, (forget all the JW stuff, we're talking about 'normal' stuff here), and give yourself an attitude adjustment!

You can do it! So hop to it!

GGG

Layla33

Layla---I am sorry but do not feel that you really know anything major at 4 or 5 years old. Did you mean 4 or 5 years old? I could not even remember trying to not piss the bed at that age...........................................oompa.......you may be special.....seriously

Everyone is special, this was just my first realization of my humanity. Everyone has one, trust me, it is not that special. Now once I was cognitively developed I could express myself fully on everything I was feeling, but how it happened and what I felt, is exactly what happened. It's just my retelling "my early life experiences", just as you at 43 are trying to define yours. :-)

oompa

WOW LAYLA you are special....that is really something.....I have almost no memory prior to 8 years old....just a green snake in the woods...and GGG you and Dawg are awesome....even with him having a party with Jack tonight!!........Thanks all...this is going to be a very long road unless I have the balls to totally bail and be totally selfish.....part of me really wants to............oompa

OUTLAW

God dam it Oompa,get a Life!..LOL!!......It`s tough at the begining for everyone..So..Your not alone in what your dealing with.....Pursue an interest you have.(Leave the neighbour lady alone!)..Go take a course.(Not Bartending)......Make more time for your family.(The ones that still talk to you)......It`s not easy but,your smart enough to get through this.....In 10 years you`ll be laughing at all the misery you have now..Or Not..LOL!!....... Clint Eastwood ...OUTLAW

wildfell

I realize that my entire life structure is not only gone, but it was a farce in the first place. How do you cope with that? 40 some years and you dont have any real friends? they almost all shun you? and technically you are still a brother?

Hi oompa, did you know that about 1 million jw's have left in the last 5 years or so? That makes 1 million of us that have asked those same questions, found themselves friendless and family-less.

"Almost 1 million people are unaccounted for every five years, almost two thirds of the number baptised."
http://www.jwfacts.com/index_files/statistics.htm

Take heart that you're not alone. Give yourself time to find your feet. Grief does lessen and fade. Hang on to that thought. What you are going through is not forever. I personally went through a long while where I thought I would never be happy again. This forum aided me enormously because I saw that others had not only survived but had thrived. You can too!! There is life after jehovah's witnesses!!!!

We are cult survivors, we will always bear the scars of what we have gone through. Scars can fade whether they be physical or emotional.

In the meantime, dawg and outlaw among others, have got some great advice for you, man to man, like. (loved your advice, guys!)

oompa

OTWO: I know your wife already did
turn you in, so it is difficult to stay with her, but are you mad at her? Do you see red when you
think of what she did?

It is funny but I am not mad at her or my dad at all....they did just like they were conditioned to in order keep the ol concience clean....oompa

Did you think your life was over as you knew it? Were you sure?

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