I've Had It - I Just Can't Do it Anymore (page 3)

slipnslidemaster

God! you trolls are SOOOOOOOOOO tempremental! sheesh.

Slipnslidemaster:"The average person thinks he isn't."
- Father Larry Lorenzoni

MrMoe

I understand your fustrations, please do not take a few posters here and judge us all. If you have questions, ask those who have been kind, many of us are very willing to help, including me.

Englishman

Yo Mrs Troubled!

I think that you just want to do the right thing, and you are unsure of which way to jump at the moment.

Which, unfortunately, triggers off some very recent memories in some posters.

Stick around, take a peak at what the hard-liners were posting a year ago when they were uncertain too.

Englishman.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be....

lauralisa

Dear Troubled,

I may be completely off-base, but I am wondering if you are able to relate to any of the following:

a. The WTBTS is very convincing in its claim to be the one organizational entity on the planet that has the key to understanding the bible. It is very difficult to find another religion as organized, cohesive, distinct, etc. when it comes to "packaging" biblical doctrine. At one time I was exquisitely convinced beyond any doubt that finally I'd found the Truth. Along with this conviction came relief, hope, a system around which to organize my thoughts and fears, and a sense of security -something I'd searched for my entire life and had not found.

b. The WTBTS requires absolute loyalty to its "current" and finite "data base"- for lack of a better term - when it comes to addressing ALL problems that ALL people on the whole planet may encounter in this life here and now.

c. There is an assumption that the FDS has, and can, provide guidelines, advice, support, wisdom regarding, answers and help for every human difficulty. Many, many people, I among them, have found themselves in positions however where they contend with serious emotional or mental health concerns; these concerns can be so grave that chronic clinical depression, suicidal ideation and attempts, and other resultant physical ailments (immunological disorders, eg) interfere with their ability to function on a day to day basis.

d. The WTBTS has consistently been unable to address or amend or accommodate their members who suffer to such degrees. In fact, it is my experience and I know it is also common to many others that the WTBTS' advice, admonitions, existing volumes of articles meant to address these conditions actually result in exacerbating the sufferer's situation and pain.

So, there is a huge dilemma. I spent ten years waiting for the "spiritual food at the right time" to kick in and lessen the daily struggle to survive. I'd always been depressed my whole life, but it was only after becoming a publisher that my "difficulties" required hospitalization. Life became an endurance game. I tried everything. It cost me everything in the process. I finally got to the point where I didn't even care if I was going to survive armaggeddon, or be resurrected, or see "paradise".... I fell away, and basically just got back into the "world".

Then my depression lifted. I got a job, after being on disability for seven years, and loved it. I quit taking the 300 mg of Zoloft a day and the Klonopin and all of the other crap and rediscovered life with libido. I fell in love. I got to the point where I couldn't even remember what it felt like to have to fight suicidal impulses anymore.... I took down all of the post-it notes around my tiny apartment reminding me that my children needed their mother alive.....

It's been a whole year, and an excrutiatingly stressful one (as it has been for all people) but I've had no fears of a relapse. I never knew I could feel this good.

I have compassion for anyone who struggles with the desire to "go back" to the organization because it is their heart-felt belief that it is the only way to truly serve God; I have never tried to convince anyone I've known from the hall to leave. (Then again, it's not like they would ever talk to me.) On the other hand, I've got the clarity of thought to know, and I mean KNOW, that the organization that claims itself to be God's only channel and mouthpiece is NOT. Separation from the controlling fear tactics has given me the ability to look at the very real, entirely legitimate credibility issues that exist regarding it... issues that are blatant and in need of exposure.

I don't have the security of feeling like I've got access to "absolute truth" like I did before, but I do know that I can participate in this human existence thing without hating every single day and cursing the day I was born, begging for the opportunity to die, and being a continual drain on the few remaining friends I was able to maintain ties with. I love to get up in the morning.

Well, after all that blah blah. I think the point I'm trying to make is that you are NOT going to find a resolution to your very understandable concerns either within the borg, or on this board; your search for healing and relief is obvious and respectable... I think everyone who comes here for any length of time would like to know the same things you do, but we are all having to find our own way, in our own time... and you are going to have to make your own choices, based on your own reasoning ability. I for one wish you well, and would like to know how things go for you.

love, lauralisa

It's only water from a stranger's tear (Peter Gabriel)

hillary_step

LauraLisa,

Thank you, an inspiring and well written post.

HS

Andee

Lauralisa!!

Great post!

I'm noticing you again!

Andee

DannyBear

lauralisa,

For awhile there I thought you were my ex-wife, who still suffer's in the grasp of the dysfunctional, mindnumbing atmosphere which seems to permiate the Halls of watchtowerdom.

Man have you done some self analysis. I think you should send the above along to Randy at Freeminds...very consise and right on the money. So many are suffering day in and day out...when relief is just a simple da'ing or df'ing away.

Really a great personal saga, but coupled with some real sincere empathy. Good job!

DannyBear

teejay

Lauralisa,

Yours is one truly exceptional post. Close to if not THE best thing I've read on this board. Period. I'm saving it.

peace,
tj

DannyBear

Het tj,

We can't be seen agreeing on anything to close together. The 'thought police' may be showing up soon.

Oh shit...you are absolutly right! Lauralisa has turned out a masterpiece on this one.

Damn friend, now all we need is Big and Waiting to come along and the circle would be complete. :)

Iam bad I know Iam bad Iam bad. Yeehaa!

Danny

teejay

Ooops!

Tell you the truth, Danny, when I read Lauralisa's post, I didn't read another word before posting my response. Damn! If I'd-a known you were down at the end, I'd-a waited a while -- me and you posting so close together all the time CAN'T look too good.

WE HAVE NO LIST!! WE HAVE NO LIST!!

Oh well. We'll just hafta get over it. I like our chances, don'tchoo?

The best, buddy.
todd

I've Had It - I Just Can't Do it Anymore

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