Nathan Natas wrote: "I would tell her to go to hell."
Me too!
Need some advice
by KICKED OUT 62 Replies latest jw friends
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garybuss
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Jenlet
"I would tell her to go to hell."
Me, too.
I would tell her to Burn in Bethel.
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KICKED OUT
First off to rimfire, welcome to the board, and thanks to everyone that has posted. From what I have gathered from all posts I have realized I need to think with my head and not only my heart. Once again thanks for all the advice and i will keep u all informed on the results. anyone else have anything to add feel free.
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The-Borg
I'm expecting my first child in 2 months also. We're both faders and my wifes family are witnesses. We've both decided that in no way will we allow our child to be subjected to the brainwashing and emotional manipulation of this organisation. The issue has not arisen yet because we've moved away from our home town so we can fade `incognito'. But we know it will arise at some point in the future.
I've seen this before with witnesses, different hats for different causes, as soon as grandchildren are involved they realise they are going to miss out. Personaly I wouldn't allow her access, as others have pointed out your child is part of you and part of your life, you cant have one without the other.
Please let us know what you decide, and all the best to you.
David.
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oompa
Kicked Butt: We are getting ready to have our first child in May. My Mother who is now living in Patterson(at one of the motherships) speaks to me every 1 to 2 years. We were very close growing up but when I decided to leave at 18 she did what she thought was right and dishoned me.
I am 4th gen dub, my 22 year old son has been kicked out.....I treat him like gold...nobody should be abused in the fashion he has......or you..........I would tell your mother to call you or visit you when she is a real mother.....undconditional love.......something has to wake this woman up............love you...................................oompa
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AlyMC
I'm with the others who said "package deal". I would tell her in a loving and respectful way, and even tell her that you hope one day she will choose to have a relationship with you that is uninhibited by the religion. But I would not allow her to have a relationship with my family without me. I just can't rationalize that in my head. It isn't a healthy thing for your child to see growing up, or for you to experience either.
I do see some validity in the idea of coming home early, hugging her and asking her to stay there... letting her see that you live a normal, healthy life and how loving that it can be outside of the confines of the religion. giving her a chance per say. I might consider that.
The only thing I wouldn't do is willingly play along with shunning game.
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Nathan Natas
Hi Kicked Out,
I realize that my terse reply "...tell her to go to hell" may have been a bit of a "blunt instrument."
Let me ask you this, if I may: Does your mother have the right to treat you in any fashion she chooses?
Are you any LESS of an ADULT now than she is? Is she retarded and unable to empathize with the pain she is causing you?
Would you fell it is appropriate for YOU to treat YOUR CHILDREN this way?
She believes that the Watchtower method of "spiritual" (psychological) warfare is fully justified because her sock-puppet god in Brooklyn tells her so. Appropriate countermeasures for psy-ops are not CAPITULATION, but COUNTER-PSY-OPS.
Thus I say, "...tell her to go to hell." Rock her world. She needs it.
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garybuss
NN wrote: "Thus I say, "...tell her to go to hell." Rock her world. She needs it."
I agree again. If there are no consequences for people who disrespect me and my family, what's to discourage them from continuing? If I'm going to be disrespected, it's gonna be from a distance. I'd think 100 miles is a minimum distance. -
2112
The chance for something better is always worth a bit of risk. I would say let her in. Your wife just may need the help. I would suggest that you r wife set some boundries with your mom on the first day. No talking religion to her or your children. Because she will try to convert your wife as a means to get you to return to the WT. If it was anybody else I would say to them, as I already have, "If my presence in my house offends you, or if you are rude to me in my house you will not be welcome here!" Then stick to your guns.
Best of luck on what ever you decide.
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Quandry
Kicked out.
You do indeed have a difficult dilema and no one else but you and your wife have the final say.
Here, however, are some things to consider.
You will be a new father. That means that this is a special time in your life. Do you feel that you could take the stress of knowing that mom is in your house all day but doesn't want to see you? Your energies should be put toward getting to know and love your new little addition to the family. Coming home to sadness and anxiety is not what you need. You will be up many nights with a crying baby, and will need also need to be there for your wife. You will need all the patience and humor you can muster.
Would this situation stress your wife? Would she feel hurt because of mom's treatment of you? Or, since she lost her mom, does she really feel the need for help? I know that when I had my baby, I felt overwhelmed and wished I had an experienced mother with me.
On the other hand, would your wife be the type that could bring up the pedophile issue, and maybe others, and stand her ground if mom started to share the "good news?" Does she know the history of the WTBTS, and could she enlighten mom? If so, maybe mom could learn something.
Please talk these types of things over with your wife. You have one mother. You want her out of the JWs. As some one said, don't burn bridges. You may be able to cross them instead.....but----when you married your wife, you "left your father and mother" and SHE and your child are the MOST important ones in your life.
This is YOUR family. Don't let anyone outside (meaning us) decide for you.