jwd confusion in relationship... help

by jocettejane 47 Replies latest social relationships

  • ESTEE
    ESTEE

    Welcome to the forum. Great starting point --- getting a dialogue going.

    Please go talk to your family doctor about getting some therapy. It is plain for me to see you are an abused woman. I recognize the signs because I have been there, and spent more than ten years in therapy to get out of a co-dependant relationship that had been ripping my heart apart.

    It is not selfish to take care of your SELF. You deserve to be happy. Give yourself that chance. That's my best advice.

    hugs

    ESTEE

  • sweetface2233
    sweetface2233

    JC, I can only give you advice w/ the information that you have provided. I am not a therapist or a psychologist, but I AM the survivor of emotional abuse and remember exactly what that relationship was like. I lived for years after I left my husband being broken up, wallowing in my feelings of low self-esteem, and thinking that I could never make anyone happy. Then I realized, why is it my job to make anyone else happy? I need to worry about myself, my happiness, and become complete w/ myself before I can be good for anyone else. Once I healed and was at peace w/ many of my childhood and JW issues, I became a completely different person.

    Your information tells me, and others here, that this is a seriously one-sided relationship. If this is misinformation, then I would suggest talking to HIM and seeing how the two of you can make things better. Only the two of you know all of the details and the goods and the bads; all we are being told are the bads. Be a strong woman, DIRECTLY address your feelings w/ him, and if he doesn't want to move forward right here and now, then, yes, I would say to let it go and move on.

  • wanderlustguy
    wanderlustguy

    The dream is to be able to walk away and have a "normal" life, never think of it again. I had someone in my life I was in love with to the point of totally walking away from everything that had to do with JWD, witnesses, any of it. For a year I never came here, and rarely even thought about the religion. There were negative aspects of who I was as a person recovering from the experience that remained even though I had stopped talking about it or talking with people who had been through the same things, and the strain on the relationship shifted to those parts of me that had not been repaired yet, primarily the communication aspects.

    For some of us, our families are gone, and we have given up any hope of ever knowing them again. I don't know what I would do if the opportunity to know my family again were to present itself, but I do know that I would never have given up on that relationship for it. On the other hand, I would have tried to keep both, which would have been difficult to say the least, especially for her.

    It is difficult to maintain a balance at times, as we come out of this. It isn't so much that we were tortured, discriminated against, or anything like that. We were taught to live life as if the world will end tomorrow. Most of us found out this was not the case at a late point in life, and have to struggle to understand reality that most people take for granted, and catch up in many areas. Success is measured as in how little of our future we lose trying to make sense of our past.

    With the love you have for each other, I would be hard pressed to say who else would have a better chance of getting through this intact. What you see, the things that don't make sense, it is a result of what the group does to people, and something he is working through...and you inspire him to try harder.

    Sometimes we get caught up in our little Ex-JW world, and need to be smacked in the face like this to remind us that there is a whole world out there we can miss out on if we aren't careful. Thank you for posting this, it reminded me of what is most important. If involved, I am certain I would rather never see my friend again than think I contributed to the end of something like this that is so important to him, his life with you.

    There isn't a lot more I can say, since there is no way to know all of the story from just one side, and no one has the intelligence to judge either party much less the relationship based solely on the information given here.

    Good luck to you both.

    WLG

    P.S. I'm pretty shocked at the judgement passed on him by some here...you guys, of all people, should be slow to send someone up the river. Who ever starts a thread asking for help because things are so freakin wonderful? Just because she didn't list all the good things, it doesn't mean they aren't present.

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    The only fix is if he sees himself as an abuser and a black hole and he decides to do something about it. This is not something you can do for him.

    It's the same for an addict. An addict will never get better as long as he blames his circumstances, other people for his problems. His journey to recovery can only start after he admits to what his problem really is.

    You are asking me, josette, to help you feel better in an impossible situation. I won't do that. You have to face the relationship for what it is, not what you want it to be.

  • sweetface2233
    sweetface2233

    JC, I received your message last night and returned one to you. It's not opened yet and I hope that it's just because you had gone to bed and haven't yet been on-line to read it. I hope you are doing well and that, if anything, this thread has opened up some communication between you and your boyfriend.

  • sweetface2233
    sweetface2233

    JC and/or her boyfriend that reads JWD, could you please read the PM that I sent her? I have no problem posting it publicly, but she asked me a question in private and I answered in private.

  • oompa
    oompa

    I wish I could say your beau is just an idiot...and he may be...but he is also totally warped mentally. Love can only fit into a very very very small segment of his psyche, and that part is totally controlled by the dream god Jehovah, and his dream team...The Watchtower Gang. Jane I hate to tell you that the hold on him is too great. You had a blast sampling friends from work, etc. It was not enough for him. He may be a mama's boy, but he is actually dubya whipped....just liked you probably pu$$y whipped him for awhile......I would give him one and only one chance.....either you grow a spine and see this maybe a horrific cult...and see what I have to offer......or you go running back to mommy and the "we are the only ones right in the frikkin world" gang......and someday you may stop crying about ME!......................Good Luck Jane.................and did you know they are not even allowed to say GOOD LUCK? run if he does not.........................oompa

  • sweetface2233
    sweetface2233

    Oh good, it has been read. Thank you!

  • jocettejane
    jocettejane

    Thanx evryone for their advice and comments. I know the original was very one sided, but yes it was of MY feelings on the issue and i'm glad that from this thread my guy and I were able to discuss what to do about it. Things are much better today. I feel as if this great weight had been lifted off of the shoulders of our relationship.

  • sass_my_frass
    sass_my_frass

    Yeah right. We're not doctors here. Get professional help immediately.

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