Can I forbid my ex to see my son??? (page 3)

berylblue

One final note:

If anyone here takes the time to go through my old posts, she or he will see that I've had not one but TWO verbally as well as emotionally abusive husbands, one of whom continually threatened to hit me and one (6'5", 250 lbs) who DID hit me. In fact, he gave me my first and only black eye. So I am not saying that men can't be abusive - I have expienced the abuse. But I AM saying that women can be abusive as well and that it's in EVERYONE'S best interest to completely and without bias INVESTIGATE ALL CLAIMS of ANY SORT OF ABUSE - because some of it is just a ruse to get revenge/money/whatever. My man's ex wanted revenge for his asking for a divorce and she wanted his money - which was substantial.

berylblue

One final note: If anyone here wants to go through my former posts he or she will see that I had not one but TWO emotionally and verbally abusive husbands. For a time, there was not one day I was not told I was stupid, ugly and no one liked me in one form or another. The 6'5" 240 one did hit me - and gave me my first and only black eye.

I am NOT saying that there aren't men who abuse; I'm saying that it behooves us all to be sure that what we believe is actually true. This goes double for authorities. If, indeed, there IS abuse, then swift action is called for.

G Money

Don't play games. Men always use money to hurt the wife and women use the kids to hurt the husband. If you win, you kid loses and will be messed up. Be the better person and make sure the kids knows nothing about dad not paying. You need to be the strong one and good one here or later in life you'll regret it.

serotonin_wraith

I know this is between me & my ex and I do not let my son get in the middle of that or hear arguments. But his father is the one that called the other night and yelling about having to pay child support on my answering machine and my son heard it. My son is my business so there is no way in hell I will butt out. Hearing my ex cussing and yelling does effect him and his feelings. I can only shelter him from it so much, but do not have control over what he hears when he is with this dad. I realize what kind of effect it may have on my son, that is why I haven't done anything to prevent him from seeing his worthless father.

If you leave the answer machine on and your child in the room, it's possible someone could call up and say something not suitable for his ears. Same if you leave the TV on a channel that may show something he shouldn't see too. Should TV be banned, or are you just more careful in these situations?

He may speak bad about you when they're alone, but I doubt your child is going to be taken in by any lies when he spends most of his time with you and knows how you really are. Does your child know you think his father is worthless? You've already told him he doesn't give enough money for his care.

JWdaughter

Not in any state that I am aware of. They are considered to be separate issues. I agree it is a rotten thing to do-as the kid needs a roof and food as well as the fun stuff.

I would go to the OSE again and make a stink, ask to speak to a supervisor. They may not WANT to do anything, but they are supposed to. For $8000 speaking to an atty. may be premature, but you need to get the OSE doing their jobs. That's my best suggestion.

Good luck. At least he is there and they can find him. I have 10's of thousands owed to me that I will never see. Ex went to India!

Edit to say: Might want to talk to someone about the messages he is leaving and the things he is saying in front of child. He might need some parenting or anger management courses, and you might be able to get them required as a condition of his continued unrestricted visitations with his son. Yelling at you because he has to pay support for his child is going to affect the child at both ends and is absolutely wrong. He may be rotten about the support because of his anger regarding the entire situation(divorce, missing his family life-everything changed and torn apart)-and he really does love his son and want to be a good father to him-but doesn't have the skills/ability to know how. He may need some help to be the father he wants to be-support aside. And coping with the entire situation may help him cope with the support payments also and understand that his son is not just a toy that is wound up for his exclusive fun. He is a person that lives and eats and wears clothes for the other 26 days a month that he isn't there. And he needs things, and he needs his dad to communicate with him in a loving way frequently. Not only through hateful messages on the phone to you.

I wish you all well.

babygirl75

I know this is between me & my ex and I do not let my son get in the middle of that or hear arguments. But his father is the one that called the other night and yelling about having to pay child support on my answering machine and my son heard it. My son is my business so there is no way in hell I will butt out. Hearing my ex cussing and yelling does effect him and his feelings. I can only shelter him from it so much, but do not have control over what he hears when he is with this dad. I realize what kind of effect it may have on my son, that is why I haven't done anything to prevent him from seeing his worthless father.
If you leave the answer machine on and your child in the room, it's possible someone could call up and say something not suitable for his ears. Same if you leave the TV on a channel that may show something he shouldn't see too. Should TV be banned, or are you just more careful in these situations?
He may speak bad about you when they're alone, but I doubt your child is going to be taken in by any lies when he spends most of his time with you and knows how you really are. Does your child know you think his father is worthless? You've already told him he doesn't give enough money for his care.

Your 25 right? How many kids do you have since you seem to be an expert on this??

So are you saying that before I listen to my messages on my machine I need to first search and see the phone number that it is coming from before I listen to any messages? You are comparing me listening to my messages to TV? Get real!!

When exactly did I say that I told my son that his dad doesn't give enough money for his care? Don't ASSume that I tell my child anything! My child is taken care of, and he is taken care of by me. My son wants for nothing....

Hope4Others

May I suggest giving the ex a list of things your child does need? That way this may avoid the needless stuff and then he feels its coming from him.

Hope4Others

babygirl75

May I suggest giving the ex a list of things your child does need?

hahaha...I wish it was that simple! He ask me to get things for my son for his house!! My son got the cold I had last weekend, and instead of his dad going and getting him medicine, he called me to see if I had anything to give him for when he brought him home!! I couldn't believe that he wouldn't just go to the store and get medicine for him!

serotonin_wraith

If you hear a message that sounds abusive, press pause, ask your child to leave the room and carry on listening to it. I'm not saying he should be nasty over the phone, but now that you know he can be, it's one way of protecting your child. Or you could be stubborn and let the message play out, then complain that your child HAD to hear it.

When exactly did I say that I told my son that his dad doesn't give enough money for his care?

I'm not saying your child NEEDS more money spent on him, but the whole situation is about you wanting him to give more money for your child's care.

When you say:

He told me the other night that it bothers him that his father does not take care of him

I am assuming the child knows his father isn't doing enough to take care of him. If you didn't tell him, perhaps someone else did.

mrsjones5

but the whole situation is about you wanting him to give more money for your child's care.

Actually the whole situation is about the ex paying the court ordered child support, not anyone trying to get more money from the jerk.

Can I forbid my ex to see my son???

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