I didn't actually read this post as being 'I want money, he's not paying, can I withdraw access to force payment', I read it that the dad is actually not good for the boy to be around and could non-payment be a way of preventing access.
I'm constantly boggled by the arguments that 'kids love their parents no matter what'. Well, everyone's different and the fact of it is, no they don't: they are *inculcated* with a social idea that that's how things are *supposed* to be, when actually it's a fabrication created by the advent of agriculture, when women and children became possessions, assets, to be bartered, sold, utilised. The whole mythology of 'children need their biological parents' is about patriarchal bullshit of assuring paternity; in many tribal societies, particularly those that followed matriarchal lineage, children were considered the gift to and responsibility of ALL the sexually active males in the tribe, because they weren't worried about biological ownership. This way, men who were not good father figures were not considered good mates by the women and so it was in the men's interests on many levels to take care of their kids.
Of course, the advent of ownership of women and children, nuclear families and all that other crap brought this to a screeching halt and gave us so many of the wonderful gifts of modern society: domestic violence, child abuse, sexual abuse of children, rape, blah blah.
Why do I bring this up? Because of that persistent and bloody aggravating myth that 'children need their biological parents, even if that parent is little more than an emotional aemoba and is harmful'. People keep bleating this mythology because it's part of the cultural meme, that great mental paradigm that is nothing more than the matrix that keeps people treadmilling the economy. When do we get that kids respond to the standards society allows? When do we get what it's like to grow up being told that there's something or the other wrong with us because 'we didn't know dear old asswipe alcholic and abusive dad'?
My niece was removed from her mother's custody when she was 15 months old and taken into the permanent care of someone who had been living in the sharehouse. This niece got the best of the deal: my older niece spent her life from the age of 6 being shunted from pillar to post and because she was exposed to the poisonous attention of her psychotic, drugfucked, vicious minded and selfish mother, she followed dear mum's drug addicted footsteps, got into prostitution at age 13 (with the help of her court appointed social worker, a female who had also been molesting her since she'd gotten my niece's case) and ended up having a hellish time until pulling out of it at age 22. The youngest child of that family died at 3 months at the hands of my sister, but the coroner could not clearly establish cause of death and my sister didn't go to jail.
The point? The one that had NO contact with her idiot mother at all is the happiest child of the lot. She's now 21, healthy, happy, got a degree and is now arranging to take up the craft of jillaroo-ing, which is working on huge sheep/cattle stations in the outback. She's a delightful girl, sunny, full of laughter, loves her adoptive mother passionately and has ZERO interest in meeting her birth mother: if she ever expresses an interest she is going to have three aunts seriously talking her out of it. We're encouraging her to view her mother as dead, and she is accepting the advice.
I wouldn't know my own biological father if I fell over him and feel not one iota of regret: all the sexual abuse I ever experienced was at the hands of my mother's boyfriends and husbands, so I figure I didn't miss much. I have a wonderful relationship with my fiance, I'm sexually and emotionally as even keeled as I can be considering my childhood (which I'm still working on the fringe issues of) and my kids rock. Some of them know their biological dads, some of them don't: for the ones that don't, they've done their explorations, found out he's an arsehole, and happily walked away. I was glad to have protected them from him, because he would have made them feel like shit about themselves.
It's a stupid mythology that irks me chronically. BEING AROUND ARSEHOLES IS BAD FOR CHILDREN. When are we going to start thinking about something better? Not while this stupid society keeps cranking out its bullshit, that's for sure: while we uphold the christian mythology of nuclear families, fathers 'owning' their wives and offspring, all the rest of the crap that goes along with that thinking, then this rubbish will keep floating about like pond scum. BEING RAISED BY ARSEHOLES IS BAD FOR CHILDREN. CHILDREN DON'T NEED PEOPLE IN THEIR LIVES WHO MAKE THEM FEEL BAD. I got handed the whole 'love your mother despite who she is' crap and the stress of trying to balance out the hugely disparate worlds this presented me with cracked my spirit into shards, broke me mentally and emotionally and sent me into a state of dissociation that has taken me three decades of work to emerge from. Great advice there, people, thanks so much!! How about being honest that my mother was a violent psychotic who should not have been in charge of a pet rock? Nooooooo, lets keep the mythology of parents 'OWNING' their children going so that the garbage beneath the surface never gets dealt with: that's the way 'civilisation' keeps on truckin' on.
Bah humbug. I am glad I'm moving onto a community where the focus is raising kids tribally, without this idiotic brainwashing of 'formal education' and all the rest of the crap. Try getting away with molesting your child or bashing your partner in a tight knit and honest community that is founded on respect for ALL beings, which includes calling a spade a spade. Children are worthy of, NEED our protection, our respect, our treating them honourably, with dignity and the understanding that they KNOW what feels wrong and yucky.
The hypocrisy and delusion in western society is unfixable.
Can I forbid my ex to see my son???
by babygirl75 50 Replies latest jw friends
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rimfiredancing