I am a loooooong way from reading all the responses to this question, but I know a thing or two about this subject. First of all, custody/visitation is a separate issue from child support. That kid needs to learn things on his own, including the fact that his father doesn't pay what some judge, using someone's (Lord knows who) guidelines, told him he legally had to pay, regardless of whether or not it was realistically feasible! 99 times out of 100 you will find that the person paying child support thinks it's too much and the person receiving it thinks it's too little, unless you reverse the situation, then suddenly, like magic, opinions change! Everyone I know who is in the position of having to pay child support is living below the standard that their income would allow if the children were still living with them. It is much more affordable and practical to take care of a child in one's home than it is to pay a hunk out of each paycheck to someone else to do it. Plus it takes the fun out of it, so in that regard I completely understand your ex's actions in buying toys for his son. It is, in my opinion, far better than paying you to do it! If you feel there are things your son needs, why not tell his father to take him shopping for a few cool shirts for school or some neat pants to wear? Build it up to your son and get him excited about it, and mention that he should suggest it to his father! Then he'll be getting something more than non- payment of child support and toys!
It seems in almost every case that parents forget what life is like for the child. They were meant to be raised in a family environment! A man and woman divorce each other, but the kids still have the right to live normal lives as much as possible! You should ask yourself constantly, "What would today be like for (your child's name here) if (the other parent) and I were still together?" AND THEN MAKE THAT HAPPEN TO THE BEST EXTENT POSSIBLE! Besides, you and your ex are apart, and you can't change him. Your son will grow in wisdom as he gets older and see his father for who he is, but he will still ALWAYS LOVE HIM!!! And THAT should matter to you more than anything else!!! And by the way- how could you even think that another man, no matter how great you think he is, could replace your child's father??? Loser or not, your child's father IS his father figure and always should be. If he's a bad influence, then your job is to put more positive influences into your son's life to counter it, but don't ever think that they can replace his real father. Believe it or not, your ex has just as much right to influence HIS son as you do, for better or for worse! If he's such a bad guy, then ask yourself why you got with him and had a child with him in the first place! If you feel he's a bad influence, then all you can do is your own version of "damage control", but you have no right to try to remove or replace him as your son's father! BOTH of you have a right to teach the child your own values and opinions, no matter how bad either of you think the others' is! To do otherwise hurts your son, not your ex! Your son has the right to form his own opinions about his parents, so let him! You will thank yourself later for it, and so will he!
The real question you should ask is, "SHOULD I forbid my ex to see my son?" The answer, no matter how emotionally charged you are, no matter the circumstances, is a resounding "NO!"
Just for fun, find out what your state's child support guidelines are and put yourself in your ex's shoes. If you're unemployed, then use what he makes when considering your income. Find out what you would be paying if it were YOU paying CS instead of him, and then add that to the rest of your normal bills and expenses. Your life would be very different financially, wouldn't it? Then your ex would call you a loser, and to top it all off, you would only get to see your flesh and blood, who loves you unconditionally, every other weekend...
Please send me a message if you'd like to question/comment/rebut...
