I got some time to talk with my friend a little over the last couple days and found out some more very disturbing information. She was in her depressed mood and I asked if everything was ok. Before I knew it the flood gates started pouring open and she was in tears telling me things I would have never imagined. I am still in a little shock. She said she has been so lonely and depressed that she strayed from her husband with a "worldly" man. I found out that meant someone not of her faith. This man was very kind to her and she had fallen in love with him over the last year and committed adultery with him. I asked if her husband had found out. She said she told her husband and that she went to her "elders" and told them as well. Besides the adultery, she told me she had found an apartment to move into and was planning on leaving her husband whether she could afford it or not. I think she was trying to find a way out with the other man and was hoping to get a divorce because what she said next really shocked me. She said her husband forgave her and at the meeting with the elders she said they told her if he didn't want a divorce she couldn't get one. She started crying even harder and said the elders told her if her husband forgave her and they went home and he had sex with her, that it would be like everything was "ok". I was speechless at this point and didn't know what to say. She explained that adultery was something that could cause a divorce, but I don't think she thought her husband would react the way he did. To make matters even more confusing, she said most of this meeting and her trying to leave took place right before her last "annual convention". I looked up these conventions and have heard they are a big event for the JW's that get them all fired up with religious fervor. She said right after she told her husband, there were several meetings with the elders and at the point where her husband found out about the apartment, he went and got some other family members and they convinced her that if she left her husband her son would lose his soul and she would be "disfellowshipped" and not able to see her son. At this point, I am having trouble understanding how any of this could happen and don't know if there is any way to help her. She has spent the last few months since that convention going in and out of depression and happiness in a very un-normal pattern. I don't think she even understood when I explained how the justice system in America would not take her child away from her if she did get a divorce which she didn't need her husband's permission for anyway.
JW woman in trouble
by lisa_82069 43 Replies latest social relationships
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Metsman
First of all, some of what I am reading here is misguided. It sounds like your friend has mental health issues, which nowadays in this crazy world is common. Jehovah's Witnesses do not condemn getting counsel outside of their ranks. Sometimes a situation is severe enough that a mental health professional is needed. I am one of Jehovah's Witnesses and my ex-wife is bipolar. She made similiar accusations about me and when we got divorced I ended up with the kids because she knew I was better suited to care for them. She ended up moving 1000 miles away with her boyfriend. I believe there are two sides to every story. Maybe the husband in this situation feels like he had to take control of everything because his wife does not have her feet planted on the ground. But I can tell you that it sounds like this woman is not telling the whole story. The elders of congregations are not there to control people, but to shephard and keep the congregation clean from scriptural wrongdoing. If the husband is truly being abusive, in time it will come out and be dealt with. And if her husband cheated on her, the elders would never blame her for it. That is ridiculous. If there is proof, he would be disciplined.
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Metsman
Your friend needs to see a psychiatrist Lisa. But if she did have sex with her husband after telling him what she did, then that is a sign of forgiveness and that she wants to continue things with him. Her son is not going to lose his soul.... He has nothing to do with what his mother does.... Again, if her husband did everything you are saying, he should have been disciplined. JW's believe that Jesus is the head of the congregation and with God's holy spirit, keeps it clean. If the man is doing bad, he will be disciplined.
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SnakesInTheTower
metsman and Lisa..
First, welcome to the forum.
Second, metsman ...you do realize this is a forum mostly of people who can't stand the Watchtower Society (aka, The Society says we are apostates ), meaning...why are YOU here (you are of course welcome, just asking). I only bring this up because, at best, you are misguided in some of what you said to Lisa for her JW friend. At worst, you are a brainwashed apologist for the congregation and are doing a disservice to Lisa. I hope not the latter. I think you probably are genuine in what you wrote here, and I respect your right to say it, though not all of what you wrote.
I do agree with this statement:
Your friend needs to see a psychiatrist Lisa.
However, I do NOT agree with this one:
If the man is doing bad, he will be disciplined
Please don't tell me you really believe this BS? Whether the husband (or the wife for that matter) is disciplined or not has absolutely nothing to do with "holy spirit" and everything to do on how much a$$kissing this husband is doing to the elders in their congo. I know...I used to be an elder...I seen the back room politics. Women almost always get the shaft on judicial committees and this situation. Bipolar or not, this woman sounds like she is being abused...if not physically, certainly emotionally. The male dominated JWs only add to this situation exponentially in their attitudes toward women as a "weaker vessel" I am sorry I ever was an elder in that Organization. I hope I helped more than I hurt people.
As to the bipolar..I can give you that...I was briefly engaged to a sister who I believe, in retrospect, was seriously bipolar. She broke it off. I think I missed the bullet.
Lisa....welcome to the board....
I have to agree with metsman....you are probably not hearing the whole story...just your friends side...normal human nature... She admitted to adultery on this...in the JW eyes..a bad deal...maybe she was looking for love where she shouldn't have. I am not here to judge her actions. Was it mental illness that pushed her? Was it an abusive husband? If there is mental illness, was it triggered by the abuse coupled with an oppressive religion? ONLY a professional can help her dig into that one. As for you...just keep being a good friend to her..nonjudgemental... glad someone is showing compassion to her.
Snakes ()
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moshe
Thanks you Lisa for your story. Unfortunately with JW's, they can't seem to find their way out of a bad domestic situation.When they quit being JW's, then they can figure out what needs to be done. The few times I tried to "rescuse" a JW who was in victim situation I learned the meaning of Murphy's law, ie, No good deed goes unpunished. Point a JW in the right direction, but don't do the driving for them.
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SPAZnik
Your friend sounds very unhappy.
It's so sad when we give our power away to other human beings.
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Metsman
I got bored, that's why I'm here Snakesinthetower. I personally know of a situation where two people fooled around with each other and it didn't come out for 2 years. After that it was dealt with. The point is, things do not need to happen in our own timetables. Jehovah chooses the proper time to reveal things. I've also spoken to apostates like yourself in the past. One used to live next door to my brother. You bash other people's hopes and replace it with nothing but despair.
Treating the woman as the "weaker vessel" in the bible refers to the fact that they are emotionally weaker than men. So as such, husbands need to give them some TLC. There's nothing in the bible that supports abusing women. I have never seen women abused in the congregation. Maybe in this instance, the man felt overwhelmed and his imperfections pushed him over the edge with her, because she was too hard to deal with. I don't know. But what I'm saying is, if he is in the wrong, Jehovah will deal with it in due time. That does not excuse the wife's sin of committing adultery, but hopefully she bounces back from that and gets her life in order so that she can be a strong mother for her child.
And while we're on the subject of brainwashing... should we not look to the other religions as such? How many people in other so-called Christian religions can even find scriptures in the bible? So if they can't do that and are just taking the word of their priest or minister as fact, then that is the definition of brainwashing. JWs are encouraged to research things that are not immediately understood.
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Quandry
I have never seen women abused in the congregation .
I don't mean to hijack this thread, but this comment has been made by a poster who clearly has his rose colored glasses affixed tightly to his head. I know I had them for thirty years, but they were ripped off my face by "spiritual shepherds."
When my daughter was sixteen, she did some normal teen things with three other girls, thirteen to seventeen. Nothing as bad as I did as a teen. She was made to sit in front of FIVE men who accused her of being in a lesbian gang that had sex with men for initiation.
My child was an honor student who prior to two weeks earlier had never even been anywhere without a parent present, and had never been in trouble at any time or any place.
She was accused over and over of fornication, berated, humiliated, and called a liar when she would not admit it-this after they had admitted that there was no accusation, witnesses, or confession of it.
For over two and one half hours, they made her read scriptures comparing herself to characters in the Bible who lied, or stole, or committed fornication. Each time she would tell them she did not do anything wrong, they would make sneering noises as they shook their heads or rolled their eyes. Finally, after she still said that she was not guilty, at almost one in the morning, they made her read a scripture in Revelation that she was filth in God's eyes, and would burn in the lake of fire with the devil and his angels.
She was told "You are disfellowshipped, and if you are still disfellowshipped when armageddon comes, you can take some comfort in knowing that Jehovah can read hearts."
In all this time (she is twenty now) they have never attempted to contact her, even though they supposedly are to check on df'd persons at Memorial time.
Can you imagine the therapy she has been through?
Please don't tell me this is an isolated incident. My husband was an elder for over twenty years. I was the one who didn't know what really went on.
You sound likea caring person. I suspect you don't either.
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jgnat
You know what I think? The husband is a complete control freak and he's found a way to keep her under his control. Forgive her. Hence, she can't get a biblical divorce.
He reinforces her feeling of being trapped by telling her that if she leaves, her son will be spiritually "dead" to her.
Coersion at it's worst.
This women seriously needs counselling on what her "worldly" rights are. Continue to encourage her to make the break from her husband and to move out on her own. She can seek visitation through the courts and this man can see how far he gets with that.
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Pubsinger
How many people in other so-called Christian religions can even find scriptures in the bible? So if they can't do that and are just taking the word of their priest or minister as fact, then that is the definition of brainwashing. JWs are encouraged to research things that are not immediately understood.
I would run away quickly if I were you.
Or you could start doing the research you say you're encouraged to do.
Here's a few:
Blood
Child Abuse
UN NGO/Library card scandal
Current conflicting stance re 1935