Have you gained more than lost? (page 2)

BurnTheShips

In terms of your JW experience, have the losses you've suffered been offset by the good you've gained?

Definitely a mixed bag CoCo. There were good things there. And I think some of us I know personally needed to go through that experience at some stage in our lives. Like a drug rehab clinic. It is a prison too. But some need to be locked up for a while to clean themselves. However, you add all the wasted time on JW activities....

On the balance, if it was more good than bad, why would I have left?

Burn

lovelylil

CoCo,

Yes I have gained more than I lost. I was very fortunate to be able early on to help my husband (who was a MS) and both my kids out of the organization within a few months of my leaving. The only thing I "lost" was the ability to have a relationship with conditional friends. But I have gained the following;

A much closer relationship with my personal saviour Christ Jesus.

Real friends who do not judge me and stand by me no matter what.

A closer relationship with my "worldly" family who by the way are 99% catholic and NEVER held my being a JW against me. Some of them said "we told you so" but they welcomed me back into the family right away. (it was I who pulled away from them, they were always there for me).

A better relationship with my kids because they now know they can come to me with any problems and I won't freak out and be too judgemental. Just in time too as they are both in their teens now.

And Lastly I learned the lesson to NEVER trust strangers at my door and not to "join" any organized religion unless A) I check their origins and teachings thoroughly B) I read the bible texts they quote IN THEIR CONTEXT, C) I am associated with them for a very long time and personally know them and their families.

But, I have to say, it took me a few years to really reap the rewards of being out of a mind control cult. And you may think I am crazy but after 12 years in/ 4 out - the experience was actually good for me in the long run because I learned so many lessons. Sorry this is long. Peace to all, Lilly

Casper

Absolutely...!! I have no family in or associated with the witnesses, therefore NOTHING to leave behind.

I gained my entire "wordly" family back into my life, along with getting to share in their interests. I regret the 13 years that I missed out on.

I have also gained my freedom, thinking ability, and desire to Live....

Cas

jamiebowers

My only loss was that of my mother, but my worldly relatives and a close circle of friends have more than taken her place. So, I guess my loss of her could also be counted as a gain. Other gains since leaving the JW's: a wonderful husband, a college education, the ability to work as a writer, community and political involvement, a close circle of real friends, the ability and right to form my own opinions and conscience, a true relationship with God, open mindedness, true love for my fellow man, and a pretty happy life.

MissingLink

Not out yet. Still counting the cost.

compound complex

Great comments! Many thanks ...

Chickpea:

I agree totally - we've escaped unreality and now are experiencing a real life. I haven't altogether given up the prospect of something better, but my recognition of how convoluted the WT paradise construct actually is has given me pause.

WTT:

"Boasting sessions" has become part of my vocabulary - is the term copyrighted?

Burn the Ships:

Yes, some did need to clean up their lives; the discipline and rigid standards imposed by JWs does the trick (outwardly only in some instances). But other groups that similarly succeed in advancing lifestyle change do permit you to walk away in peace when the task has been accomplished - Hotel California.

Lil:

A closer relationship with my "worldly" family who by the way are 99% catholic and NEVER held my being a JW against me. Some of them said "we told you so" but they welcomed me back into the family right away. (it was I who pulled away from them, they were always there for me).

I have said those very words, especially emphasizing "they were always there for me." What a chump I was!

Casper:

We have gained freedom (ever-changing WT truths imprison, not liberate the holder), thinking ability and THE DESIRE TO LIVE. Emphasis CoCo!

Jamie:

The "ability," as you simply and effectively put it, to form our own opinions (yes, it really is all right) has given you and us "a pretty happy life." That works for me!

Gratefully,

CoCo

compound complex

Missing Link:

Continue to do the math. Wishing you the best in the meantime ...

CoCo

StAnn

CoCo, this is a hard question. I was raised a JW and lost my entire family and all of my friends. Although I've moved on and made a good life for myself, I carry the scars of being raised a JW with me everyday. No matter how hard I try, I still can't be "normal." I feel that I have been permanently injured by my JW experience.

When I got married, I didn't even invite my mother. I had a church wedding and knew she wouldn't come. So, on a very happy day there was alot of sadness because she couldn't share it with me. So no joy is ever completely joyful; there's always an accompanying sadness because I can't share my happiness with all of those I love.

Also, because I know how much better life is on this side of the Borg, I find it quite distressing to see my family still stuck in it, particularly my little neices and nephews who don't know any better. I wish I could communicate with them in a meaningful way to let them know the JWs are a fraud and that there is something better out there but they won't listen to me.

I have a good life now and am as happy as I'm probably capable of being. However, there was so much damage done and so much time lost growing up in the WTS that I feel what I've gained is somewhat eclipsed by what I've lost.

My husband says that I've gained some valuable skills from my experiences, such as empathy and compassion and the ability to talk to anyone, anytime, anyplace, and that my raising is just my cross to bear. I'd be able to bear it better if my family weren't trapped in it.

momzcrazy

Yes, definately. Even though I lost my mother in the process.

momz

reneeisorym

Lost: Father and 34 other family members. My home (I was one heir of the house I lived in which belonged to my JW grandmother), My life. Lifelong friends. A dickhead of a husband.

Gained: A relationship with Jesus Christ, A new darling husband (who had a nicer house... LOL), I kept my mom -- she left a year after I did, new friends who are much more unconditional, My husband's family, and better yet: I broke the chain so my future children won't have this in their past.

Overall, I've lost a lot but gained more. I am happier than I have ever been.

Renee

Have you gained more than lost?

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