You might be a JW if...

by Seven 54 Replies latest social humour

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  larc

  RHW,

  Waiting says that you help men..I need all the help I can get, but please don't try to cure to my warped mind ... I've come to enjoy it. Got a book I recommend, A Complete Guide to Guys by Bave Barry. It will give you a new perspective.

  Waiting, you thought the ryhming in my narrative was a bit much? You won't believe what I'm going to tell you next, and this is true so help me gosh (didn't want to swear). Berta Peel's maiden name was Teel. I shouldn't even have brought it up cause you'll never believe me again, but it is a true fact. Frank Teel was my grandfather the only one of the siblings that did not become a JW. I remember one time when Berta visited from California. We all met for lunch, and my grandfather the unbleiver, was the only one who gave Berta money to help her out. Later, the rest of the family talked about this being a gift "from Jehovah". Even though I was a true believer at the time, I resented that comment. It was a gift from my grandfather!

  How do you drive a Unitarian out of your neighborhood? You burn a question mark in their yard.
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  RedhorseWoman

  So, larc, poopsie....exactly what kind of help do you need? (hehehe) My normal style of helping is to warp minds....not dewarp (unwarp?) them.

  you don't put money into an IRA or 401k, because the end will come before you reach retirement age

  Additionally, the Society has now intimated that Stock Market investments are, in fact, gambling. So, if you are putting money in an IRA or 401K, you are not only displaying a lack of faith, you are a gambler. I wonder if 401K ownership will soon be a disfellowshipping offense.

  BTW, waiting is extremely jealous of me. It's true.
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  larc

  One day a Catholic priest, a Protestant minister and a Jewish rabbi were having lunch together. They got on the subject of when life begins. The priest maintained that life began at the moment of conception. The minister said, "No, you've got it wrong, life begins at the moment of birth" The rabbi protested, "You've both got it wrong, life begins when the dog dies and the kids move out." (older people like this joke: younger people don't.)
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  larc

  RHW,
  I know how you could help me. We could go into a time warp and engage in mutual warping. I'm experiencing bliss just thinking about it.

  I've started a new org. the NAWM, the National Association of Warped Minds. I'm the President and only member. Just think, RHW, if you joined, my org. would have a 100% increase this year. I'd like to see the JW's top that.
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  larc

  I just reread my last posting. I shouldn't use org. for organization, it gives me impure thoughts.
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  RedhorseWoman

  Hold on here! I see a very large lawsuit in the offing with regard to trademark infringement. Anyone will tell you that I've had a Nationally Warped Mind for a VERY long time.....and my NAWM (with a roster of one) has been here..... Oh, wait a minute....on the boat with Noah...um.....would you consider a merger?
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  JAVA

  Don't let larc fool anyone on this list. He doesn't need trigger words like "org" to give him "impure thought;" he has those thoughts all the time!

  You know you're a JW when you report 10 hours by borrowing time from the next Field Service Report.

  I'm new to the list, so I hope this works.

  JAVA at the Coffee Shop
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  larc

  RHW,

  Regarding the NAWM, even though I am only two days younger than dirt, and have more seniority than you, I will admit that I just got the idea the day of the posting, so perhaps we could be co-founders. I'll even give up the presidency if I can be treasurer.
  (I had to guard my thinking when you used the word merger.)
  JAVA: it's hard to fool a like minded person.
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  RedhorseWoman

  Merger does it for you, too, eh? Well, then, I guess I shouldn't discuss lunge whips, stud chains, and mounting blocks, right?
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  JAVA

  larc: I guess you're right, like minds travel in the same gutter. I wonder if that's how we formed car groups on Saturday mornings? I always liked working rural territory because you could count a lot of time while taking a country drive.

  You know you're a JW if you drove around looking a Christmas lights while condemning the folks who put them up.

  You know you're a JW if you give gifts to the kids a few days before or after Christmas, and call it "Present Day." We had a number of folks in our congregation who did that.

  JAVA at the Coffee Shop