Overcoming deep depression....success stories?? (page 3)

John Doe

Oompa, if both counselors were encouraging you to leave your wife, then that certainly bears consideration. The JW mindset is causing you a lot of grief. In my experience, the only way to change that is to change your world. That probably involves leaving your wife. Surround yourself with people who are not jw's and know nothing about them. Develop your interests. Find friends who are truly passionate about life and know not only how to laugh and how to cry, but when to laugh and when to cry.

Humans, as a group, spend 90% of their time thinking about what they don't want to happen. To gain control of life, however, we need to think about what we want to happen and how to get there. Changing our environment is often the majority of the battle.

dinah

Hey Oompa, you have a PM.

llbh

I may be too afraid to make decisions I don't really want to face........and I think that is what is really paralyzing me.........oompa

That is a decision itself . When we overcome the fear of making decisions that can be a very liberating experience itself. The joy of trying even if we do not succeed brings its own happiness.. When we do succeed the pleasure makes up for the dissapointments.

JWD has helped me alot to like it has you.

i wish you well

Regards David

oompa

One reason I stopped therapy is because these guys were so quick to suggest or feature divorce as an obvious solution.....like it was no big deal. It is a big deal to me, and one that I would like to avoid.....btw this could be part of my JW conditioning.....(marriage is forever etc.). In many ways I feel trapped, I care for my wife, but when I was a JW, life seemed so normal with her......we had so much more in common then, and especially our social life....very active......now non-existant. I have spoken with several here with mates still in, and since I have only been out about a year, I guess I have not figured out how to adapt to this rather odd arrangement...........I really dont see how you guys do it......................oompa

John Doe

Oompa, here's what I think. Yes, marriage is a big deal, and it's understandable why it's important to you. However, marriage should be a tool in attaining happiness, not a hindrance in your search for happiness. People often give up on marriage too easily. However, that doesn't mean there isn't a need for it sometimes.

I would suggest telling your wife exactly what you're thinking about. If she doesn't or can't listen, then that should make your decision more clear. No matter what, right, wrong or indifferent, you need to be able to tell your wife exactly how you feel, and that's reciprocal. For a JW though, this can be extra difficult. JW's aren't supposed to be individuals or have worries or doubts. Repression kills.

OnTheWayOut

We might really be twins separated by a few years. I too, highly value marriage
and don't want it to end. Therapists might want to face "violation of trust" issues a certain
way, but they have no right to tell you that you should do the same. I am with you on that.

Still, I don't know that you can't find a therapist who helps within the boundaries you set.
Well, I could see that this could be a problem. Your telling them you want to just sail
away isn't really helping them. They might be seeing your attitude as escapism, and
offer a slightly less dramatic solution of a divorce.

They cannot solve our problems. Maybe you can face this without them. I know I am still
going on without therapy.

I feel that my marriage must work because of my family before me. There were so many
divorces and marriage is treated so lightly. I never wanted that. I vowed to make it work.
Still, couples therapy could really help. (I know, she won't go).

Consider this- try a couples therapist without her. Tell her what he says.

I have not totally adapted well to this new life either- one mate in and one mate out.
Why do you think I post so much? We'll get there.

Start to develop your outside life. Even if you need to develop a life separate from your
marriage, it doesn't have to end your marriage. But if things stay miserable, we don't know
what you will do. Start looking for some kind of happiness.

Hope4Others

Hi oompa,

Personally because of the rut you are in I feel you really need to do something for yourself. May I suggest

joining a gym? It gets those endorphins going which makes that happy feeling. My son swears by the gym, besides you could really use some

guy buddies to hang with. You will meet lots at the gym!

Best Wishes for you,

Hope4others

DanTheMan

It may seem silly or trite, but a good quote every now and then really seems to clear the melancholy outta my head, at least temporarily. A recent one that I enjoyed is "Despair is a mortal sin". I came across that one three days ago in a Newsweek article about William F. Buckley. Apparently it was one of his favorites. Not that I'm a Bill Buckley fan or anything...

Layla33

Oompa I am sorry to hear that, but it does take time. Are you talking with anyone at all? A qualified psychologist or counselor? (I have issues with psychiatry.)

My graduate training is in applied behavioral psychology, so I am never one for believing that just popping a pill is the answer, although in cases where there is a genetic issue or a chemical imbalance it is necessary. In all cases, I definitely believe that you have to take baby steps and undo all the damage, and have small goals you want to meet. It is important to get rid of cult references in your mind and learn to accept a world without giving any place to them. I always believe you have to do internal emotional work, as well as any issues that are corrected with medication.

Make a list of some things you want to do and see, nothing out of realm of possibility but just some things you can look forward to and then once a week try to check off at least one. Get involved in group events, I think meetups are good. I am not sure of exJWs have a group therapy anywhere in the US, but I definitely think they should, maybe some of those in your area that are going through the same thing, can meet up on a regular basis, play cards, watch movies and share with each other, things they have overcome, accomplishments and issues.

These are just some suggestions, I think coming here is a great start, just don't get too reliant on it, make sure you go out, even if it is to a library or bookstore and be around other people. Take a walk in the park, take some pictures, but just give yourself time. I hope that helps.

dinah

I really think this is the crux of your problem, Oompa. It's REALLY HARD to lose your religion. If you in from birth it's double hard.

Here is a portion of the pm, posted for everyone:

About 7 years ago, right after 9-11 and I really thought I needed to get back into the Org, I had a breakdown. It was VERY bad. Trying to return to the WT, awakened me in a way I did not expect, and kinda made me lose my mind. It just seemed so ridiculous after being away for so many years. I saw straight through them, and my whole world (mind) fell apart. My husband, my best friend, and my husband's best friend had me on a "suicide watch". My small children were scared to death. I couldn't get out of bed (and yes, stayed drunk). I was afraid to take a bath because I didn't trust myself not to just go under water and breathe. My best friend called or came over everyday. She told me that the most dangerous time is when the depression starts to life a little. Then you actually start to care enough to have the energy to blow your brains out. So BE VERY CAREFUL!!!

Overcoming deep depression....success stories??

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