by clsurfer 33 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
On The Way Out,
Don't worry. I would have never followed your advice to mislead them. :) I'm already in enough hot water as it is!!!! lol
I respect your opinions on wanting to be "out" instead of "in"....that's the beauty of having free will.....
Have a great day!
cl
Good luck. Just remember to preserve your personal identity. Don't let anyone tell you who you are to be.
So I guess getting married and getting permission later is "out".
By the way, the only reason I asked if there was a fella you had an eye on, is to get a full picture of your motives on this thing. I see you want to have a clean conscience and take your stripes. I think it would be easier for you to keep your marriagable status to yourself until you met a fella you liked.
If I were you, ten thousand stallions couldn't drag me to get "permission" from my ex. But then, as I said, some people get comfort from pain.
I wish you all happiness.
How about letting us know how it worked out?
Thanks jgnat,
I know I must seem like a masochist (lol), but there's nothing like having a clean conscience. I'd be lying if I hadn't thought about committing adultery (even when married) just to be free of the jerk of an ex. But that was not my intention nor did I plan what I've done. Plus, having to tell my family what has happened makes me sick to my stomach. HE was the one who was supposed to come out being the bad guy, not me. After what I've done, I'm sure he'll come out looking and playing the part of the innocent one. Oh well. My pain is only temporary. Before I know it, this will all be a distant memory of something that happened....this too shall pass....
On The Way Out,
I'll let you know how it all turns out...
cl
I have to chime in on this one,
I have at different times in my past, been deemed technically "scripturally not free to remarry," and been on the other side of it like you are. Both situations let me to a profound conclusion: I will never let a man, or group of men, be the arbiter of my moral conduct. Some of the code in the "Pay Attention" book is ridiculous. I was not allowed to be free to remarry for years, because my ex-wife would leave her boyfriend's house just before sunrise to let her dog out at her own apartment. The book stated that she would have had to spend "the entire night." Ludicrous!
Never again! I have a deep sense of what is right sexually for me, being do no harm to others. That is enough for me, without a group of three dolts trying to sort it out for me with their limited grey matter.
JK
CL SURFER- Welcome to the board ! It seems as if you have yourself a little dilemma here . After reading everyone's comments on this one common denominator is this - I feel you are beating yourself up needlessly over this , and applying needless guilt to yourself , which is making your situation more complicated than it already is !
Here's the deal . Look , I'm inactive , been away 5 years , I was born and raised in this " mind control" by the Watchtower society for 44 years. I was in a situation like yours from a " worldly " wife who left me. We had agreed to get a unscriptural divorce , and after 3 months of being separated I went to " coffee " in a pubic place with a lady acquaintance, just a friend. Somebody ratted me out - and before I can even say the words " committee meeting " the elders overreacted and had my butt up accusing me of adultery every which way but loose - even being separated . I told them I was offended at the unjust charge and stopped going to meetings because of them giving me personal opinions over the Bible. 6 months later my " worldly " ex-wife confessed she had moved on, had a boyfriend , and had sex. So, at the suggestion of my elder witness father - I wrote a letter to the elders ( DID NOT MEET WITH THEM ) and told them in the letter my ex-wife confessed to adultery ; and I posted it on their Kingdom Hall door marked to the " self righteous " elder who was my chairman committee.
The point other posters are making to you is just this - don't make this harder on yourself than it has to be! You DO NOT have to talk to the elders about your personal life - You and your husband have both committed adultery - so don't be the " fall guy" so to speak. The elders won't give you any brownie points for confessing to them - believe me, no matter how good a recommendation you are given from your former elders ! You are allowing your ex husband to get away with murder actually - you need to confront your ex, tell him you want your freedom, and if he doesn't give it to you , tell him you have receipts of his dalliances , and eyewitness friends of his to confirm he has cheated. If he won't go to the elders , then you will !
If you don't like that option - then be content to be a Mother Theresa the rest of your life never having sex again - because the elders will take that power over your personal life if you let them ! I decided to fight them - and now I am scripturally remarried to a great " worldly " woman. If you play by the witnesses rules - which are unfair by the way - you will have an unhappy life. Just my opinion
Here are some of the points the Filthful and Disgraceful Slavebugger has put out about this subject, given that they may not be up to date and that some might not be upheld everywhere:
If a person divorces, and the other person committed adultery, the innocent person is free to remarry. However, if they have had sex since finding out about the adultery, the Washtowel Slaveholdery classifies that as having forgiven the adulterer, and the innocent person is no longer free to remarry on the grounds of that offense.
A person who divorces on grounds like non-support or severe abuse (or any other grounds that do not involve adultery), and no adultery happens, the innocent party is not free to remarry. This includes the Number One reason for most divorces: stagnation. Many are trapped in loveless marriages (often that shouldn't have happened in the first place were it not for Brother Hounder trying to switch from the person they wanted to someone that the hounders felt would be better) by this rule.
A person who divorces on non-adultery grounds becomes free to remarry if the other person commits adultery or remarries first. That will provide the "scriptural" grounds. However, Brother Hounder would need good proof that the adultery happened, and this can be impossible if the couple are totally busted up and the guilty person moves out of state, and then commits "adultery" or remarries without the hounders knowing about it.
It is much less clear about whether the guilty party is ever eligible for remarriage. The last I have heard is, if the innocent party initiates the divorce, the guilty party may be free to remarry. However, the guilty party will be punished for the adultery itself (usually with disfellowshipping). This could easily change, as the Filthful and Disgraceful Slavebugger keeps putting out new light that changes the nuances of whether or not the guilty party is eligible, and not all the hounders and hounder-hounders will accept newly updated information (especially information that takes a more liberal stand on the subject). If the Filthful and Disgraceful Slavebugger officially and currently permits it at a given time, and the hounders in the congregation do not accept it, one could still get in trouble for "disregarding the hounders".
Better would be to disregard the Washtowel Slaveholdery's stands on the subject. You are better off to marry someone you are genuinely attracted to, and then do whatever it takes to prevent the marriage from going stagnant. In cases of loveless marriage (usually stagnated, but it can be due to pressure to marry someone you shouldn't have), divorce and remarriage (when possible) is advisable for both parties. If severe abuse is a factor, then separation and divorce is almost always a de facto situation. In any event, the goal should be to get into a happier situation for all involved.
Which drives home my stand on fornication. Better to do fornication when you are serious, and find out it isn't going to work early in the game, and then break up than to marry and find out 5 years later that it is not going to work then. Of course, the Washtowel Slaveholdery wouldn't tolerate such an arrangement because it might lead to happier, less stagnant marriages and less "remedial" field circus.
This is cl. Just wanted to give everyone an update on my JC meeting.
I am happy to report everything went very well. I got privately reproved. My restrictions are no pioneering or demos for the school. I am still able to comment, which I am very happy about. That will make it less noticeable that I have even been reproved. I actively participate in commenting during the meeting and not commenting would have been a dead giveaway that I was in "trouble", not to mention humilliating for me. The elders were very, very caring which surprised me.....I was prepared for the worst after reading some JC stories on this site. No inapropriate questions were asked. Didn't ask about my undies, praise the lord. lol They only wanted the facts. One thing they did ask about was my divorce situation. Questions like how long I had been divorced, was my ex active, did I have contact with him, would I ever consider reconciling with him, did I still talk to him. I was honest and said I would NEVER EVER go back to him and would prefer to live a life of loneliness. Told them I hadn't spoken with him in 3 years either and that we were not friends. They looked a bit shocked when I said that, but I think they got the point. Also wanted to know if I wanted to remarry ever. I said I would love to remarry someday, but both my ex and I knew the decision of no remarriage when we got divorced. They kept on saying "well, you are a very attractive sister and must have brothers approach you all the time wanting to get to know you." I said, "Yes, brothers approach me all the time, but I make it clear I am not free to marry. I never mislead anyone." I know they asked those questions in order to see if my "moment of weakness" had been planned for freedom to remarry. They did tell me I had to inform my ex he was free to remarry. I told them I would. I asked if I had to ask him for forgiveness or put something in writing. They said no, just tell him he is free. That's it. They made no mention if I was free to remarry...and I didn't ask! I thought not asking about my freedom would be best because then it would start to look suspicious. They told me to report back to them when I told the ex about his freedom. Maybe then they'll mention something about my marriage status. Until then, I will be on my BEST behavior!!!! :)
All in all, the elders were encouraging and kind. Never made me feel like I was a horrible person. They made it clear they were not there to judge me or give me my forgiveness. Said Jehovah had already forgiven me and everything else was between me and Jehovah.
So that's the story. Thanks to all for the advice regarding my posting.
Have a wonderful day....
cl
am glad it went so painlessly for you, congratulations
