Strange how things vary from place to place ..I had been an elder myself, resigned then faded and None of them took any interest whatsover. .They must be more diligent in U S A. Or perhaps they did like having you there??
The hounders are once again up my arse... As of like, 2 minutes ago...
by cognac 27 Replies latest jw friends
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daniel-p
Cognac, they'll push as hard as you let them. I had to put up boundaries and makie it very clear that I had nothing to talk about with them. Basically, you have to say, "when I'm ready to talk, I'll call you."
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Finally-Free
They told my husband they wanted to meet... TONIGHT...
If he consented to a meeting, then let them meet. His consent to meet doesn't place you under obligation. If the elders harass you in your own home tell them to leave you in peace or you'll call the cops.
W
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undercover
Strange how things vary from place to place ..I had been an elder myself, resigned then faded and None of them took any interest whatsover. .They must be more diligent in U S A.
With the exception of a couple of sheparding calls that turned ugly, I've been left alone as well.
I think it depends on the local congregation and how gung-ho certain elders or POs are. Here in the town where I live, one congregation is laid back and those that have faded away are hardly even bothered with. One congregation over, however, the PO is a hard-liner and is always looking to make an example of anyone who shows an independant spirit or rebelliousness.
I think in Cognac's case, as well as a lot of ther sisters, its a control thing. No way these brothers are going to let a lowly sister one-up them and possible cause a whole family to leave. If she were a brother and stood up to them one time, they'd be running with their tail between their legs for sure. But since she's supposed to show obedience to the headship of the marriage and the congregation, they feel they can just yell "jump" and she should ask how high on the way up. I don't think they're prepared to handle a woman who is willing to stand up to them. That's why I say don't give them any room to control anything. Make a stand and make it clear. They'll back down when they realize they can't buffalo her.
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yknot
If you choose to meet with them:
The phrase "I can't talk about it. I am finding myself running ahead of the organization" covers a multitude of things. If Elders persist you just keep repeating the phrase in a similar manner as John Malkovich in Dangerous Liaisons repeats "it's beyond my control"
The key is not to discuss the details, just the generalization of 'running ahead' and to act sincere,heartfelt, and a bit sad about not wanting to 'stumble' anyone. If they try to get you to return to the meetings......tell them that you are afraid to right now because the weakness this spiritual sickness causes, the urge to speak might become strong and that you feel right now it is better to step back a little and 'wait on Jehovah'.
If someone brings up a direct subject like the UN...."I can't talk about it", if the famous do you believe in the slave question comes into play I found saying "I am waiting on Jehovah, meat is provided in due season." .......if they still come at you with more questions stop them and be directed and firm and ask them.....Are you trying to stumble me?
Tell them you welcome the litertrash but like those afflicted with leprosy in the Bible you feel that confining yourself away from the flock is best for the spiritual welfare of all.
Gush out some sappy dubish drivel about knowing how Jehovah's spirit has given you such kind and discerning Elders and that you are thankful for their concern and shepherding....blah blah blah blah stoking their egos.
Then like all entangled in the web of the WTS, keep up on pubs and fluent in Dubish.
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Carlos_Helms
"Strange how things vary from place to place ..I had been an elder myself, resigned then faded and None of them took any interest whatsover. .They must be more diligent in U S A. Or perhaps they did like having you there??"
Hmm. Beats me Blue. I did the same thing here in the US and didn't see another witness for years - other than incidentally. As I recall, the direction from the Society in 1990 was: "if they want to go, let them go." More recently I've heard instances where the elders have gone a-huntin' for old non-DF'd/-DA'd JWs to get them to commit, one way or the other. It's ludicrous in my mind.
The rationale back in 1990 was 'illegal harassment.' You can't just go pestering people when the hospitality rug has been withdrawn. Apparently, some have gone so far as to obtain court orders to prevent unwanted and harassing visits by clergy. I remember being told specifically to "leave so-n-so alone;" off the list, out of sight and out of mind. Sounds like one healthy approach amongst a very unhealthy people. I supposed it wouldn't last.
"Anything you say (or don't say) can and will be used against you in a kangaroo court of law." Whatever. Tough to win under those rules of engagement.
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marmot
I thought "up the arse" was considered uncleanness?
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loosie
Cognac, get a note from your doctor that excuses you from stressful situations. OR just suggest to those elders that they get a different hobby.
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flipper
COGNAC- I agree with the majority of posters here who say to NOT meet with the elders. All they will try to do is control you - and look for you to trip up on your words. They are first, last, and always about control. I mean, my god- they chased after me after being faded 3 and a half years ! They cannot control you if you don't let them - but if you give them an inch, they will take a mile ! Don't even give them a fraction of an inch.
I think there is validity in what UNDERCOVER said : they are taking advantage of you because you are a sister. They probably do feel you will bend to their will because of the witnesses view of subjection. It's all BS ; stand your ground. Another reason I feel they are coming after you is because of your families prominence in the JW community. Your dad and mom are probably putting a bug in the elders ear to allegedly "help" you come back to the meetings. So realize this is a " cult group effort" to make you feel like you " need " the meetings, etc.
In actuality- as you stated in your other thread- you are feeling much better without the stress of the meetings and all the expectations they put on you . Remember it is part of the lie that cults like JW's put forth that we will fall apart without them and the meetings ! They say that to trick you back into thinking you need the meetings to be happy. So- see it for what it is ; a manipulating control game they will try to use to get you to cave in ! But if you are happy as you are- you need no one to tell you otherwise. Feel free to call us if you'd like to talk friend -
darth frosty
Which H would you rather have hounders or hemmoroids?
Pulling for ya C.