by cognac 32 Replies latest jw friends
Everyone is in agreement that there is something wrong with ME.
The way you think and feel isn't abnormal. It's the part of who we are, we call it identity.
There's nothing wrong with you. You don't follow the same piper and those who expect you to follow the same piper, there is something wrong with them.
After i stopped going i used to feel that way every tue and thu night.
Paul
So, not to hijack my own thread or anything, but our assembly is coming up so maybe that's why I'm thinking about it more. I'm going to have to face my family that I have not spoken to. I know what I'm going to do, sit behind them, just be happy, smile at them but don't approach them, let them approach me... However, when one of them walks up to me I don't know what to actually say and am afraid of them making me feel even more guilty... Acckkk, oh well, just wing it I guess...
To hijack my friend once again, lol
I just talked to my mother. About nothing much, but she called and I answered. I think she figured dh would answer. It was short and brief.
Well, at least the ice is broken...
The only when left is my sister and since I really can't stand her I don't care as much. Only problem with that is I love her kids. Just wish it was more ok with us so I could be around the kids...
I still don't know what the hell to actually say.
Talk about non-spiritual things... like your job, or maybe your new goal of going to college, or tell them that you've met some neat new friends (just don't say that you met us all on JWD)
That's what you've been programed to feel for all these years.
Cognac, you need to read "Crisis of Conscience" by Ray Franz. After that, you shouldn't have any more guilt feelings.
Wait until after the assembly before you get the book. You may have to hide it on your hubby, for now, and it will get you in lots of trouble if the j.w.'s or hubby finds out you got it.
J.W.'s consider it the most evil thing a j.w. could read.
But, of course, it's not.
Hubert
You could tell them about your plans for a roadtrip to Nashville TN.
Yes, I am very familiar with that feeling. It does go away though, trust.
Sorry you are going through that, it is hard to deal with sometimes but it does get better!
MMO
This is normal for born-ins. Recruited witlesses are more likely to see that what they are doing "wrong" is actually not, but even these can feel like it could still be the truth and feel bad about doing wrong.
The only solution to this is to research, using independent sources. Born-ins are handicapped, since that is all they know and they have been shielded from outside viewpoints. However, it is still possible to research. And this can be done online. It can also be done by reading the Bible, totally without religious bias and from a neutral source. You can also get into various forums on other religions, and on their home page (there is no obligation to join).
Another angle of attack is philosophy. It is difficult to read in-depth Greek philosophy, because it is so deep. However, Plato, Socrates, and Aristotle are all well documented, and I suggest reading the outlines of each from several independent sources. You might just find that the whole Bible itself is crap. Even if not, you might be free to use just the Bible for guidance without depending on a religion to help.
Finally, you can just be objective about morality. There is no proof anywhere that people are going to heaven or hell, or that there is ever going to be a God-made paradise earth. However, your actions today can affect the outcome tomorrow. You could live for self and for society--taking a long-range outlook and doing what is ultimately good for self and society and refraining from volitional actions that are bad for self or society. Which is hard because of your programming to believe that the witless activity is good for society (life saving) and because others will make you think, by coercion and hounding, that a course that actually is good for self and/or society isn't.
You actually need to think for yourself. Once you do that, it should get easier to decide for yourself whether a course of action is actually good or bad for self or society.
Cog, get over caring what the hell they think. I don't care what my dub and fundy relatives or just the mean one think. They can all go jump off a cliff like the lemmings before I'll let them intimidate me. Wave your freak flag. Be abnormal. Tell them you'll be their little gossip fodder.
I find it helps to just think of yourself as a willful follower of Satan. :) (I'm also a born-in) Then you aren't so much quibbling over details in your mind. I'm not kidding, it helps. I often refer to the line in Huckleberry Finn where Huck thinks about how helping a slave escape is wrong/illegal and he concludes the mater saying "well, then I'll go to Hell!" (meaning I choose to go to hell rather than turn Jim in to the authorities). Its not about negotiating for a change/more freedom, its about rejecting the entire concept that anyone but YOU decides what is right or wrong (ie eat from the tree of good and bad, exactly what the serpent suggested). This works for me because threw the bibke out with the bathwater. If you consider yoursrlf a Christian, aligning yourself with Satan could be problematic, but I hope you find this illuminating one way or another. Realize that no other human being can assess gods intent any better than you can. Bring_the_Light
