I Still Get the Feeling I'm Doing Something Wrong. Ever Get That? (page 3)

fifi40

Cognac

Just be yourself and true to yourself

Love

Fi

blondie

Actually feeling guilt and shame is part of leaving a cult or a high control group.

Former members of groups using primarily intense aversive emotional arousal techniques - guilt and fear induction, strict discipline and punishments, excessive criticism and blame - have tended to experience these aftereffects:
Guilt
Shame
Self-blaming attitudes
Fears and paranoia
Excessive doubts
Panic attacks
Bible-based, political, racial, occult, and psychotherapy cults typically fit into this category.

Some aftereffects may be experienced by former members regardless of the kind of cult they were in. These general aftereffects are:
Depression and a sense of alienation
Loneliness
Low self-esteem and low self-confidence
Phobic like constriction of social contacts
Fear of joining groups or making a commitment
Distrust of professional services
Distrust of self in making good choices
Problems in reactivating a value system to live by

Once out of a cult, former cult members, although now free, face the challenge of reentering the society they once rejected. The array of necessary adjustments can be summed up as coming out of the pseudopersonality, or as other have termed it, dropping the synthetic identity or reuniting with the split-off old self. An additional helpful way to view the many problems faced by former cult members is to cluster them into five major areas of adjustment: practical, psychological-emotional, cognitive, social-personal, and philosophical-attitudinal. Former cult members must:
Address practical issues related to daily living
Face Psychological and emotional stirrings that can cause intense agonies for a while
Deal with cognitive inefficiencies
Develop a new social network and repair old personal relationships, if possible
Examine the philosophical and attitudinal adopted during cult days
It is through dealing with all these areas that the former cult member gains insight into his or her experience and, over time, sheds the cult pseudopersonality.

http://www.rickross.com/reference/recovery/recovery1.html

I agree with those who said "be yourself". Your family is feeling just as anxious about seeing you at the assembly as you are. Just act as you usually do, keep the coversation light and go about your business.

Remember, they would be gratified to see you acting "strange", or looking anxious or unhappy. This would reinforce their notion that you are "wrong". Do you want to give them that satisfaction?

As for feeling giulty, it's normal, you are still "deprograming".

changeling :)

hillbilly

The key words are "doing something"... you wont know if it is wrong (or right) for a long time. It's that "one door closes, another thing opens" thing...

If you are not doing "somethig' that may be wrong.

Eyes open... move forward.

Hill

cognac

Thanks for all these awesome responses. I had no idea that this was a "normal" thing to go through after exiting a cult. I feel so much better! I really appreciate your words of kindness!

Emma

I still don't know what the hell to actually say.

I told my family that I would absolutely talk about it and asked them to respect that. Every time one of them tried to wrangle me into a conversation I reminded them that I wasn't talking. It was hard but I stuck to it. Sometimes I had to just smile and bite my tongue.

Gregor

cognac, I knew you shouldn't have had those elders for dinner the other night! They seemed like regular people and now you are off balance. Remember, they are 'pod' people!

truthseeker

I sometimes feel the same way - what if I'm wrong, what if what I'm doing is wrong...but...

you know what? Watch one of V's videos and you'll feel better. You can't argue with such logic.

truthseeker

I sometimes feel the same way - what if I'm wrong, what if what I'm doing is wrong...but...

you know what? Watch one of V's videos and you'll feel better. You can't argue with such logic.

flipper

COGNAC- You aren't doing anything wrong . It is just like some said - how witnesses, especially witness family members try to make us feel guilty for not going to meetings. They try to " guilt us " into coming back by saying they are " so sad ", or because of our not going to meetings ,it " gives them a hangnail " ,or " we just want you in the paradise ", etc. etc. Believe me- I've heard it all from my witness relatives. But just see it for what it is " cult mind control " rhetoric designed to make you capitulate to their wishes so THEY will feel better - not YOU. That is their motive. Hang in there

I Still Get the Feeling I'm Doing Something Wrong. Ever Get That?

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