FARTING at the meetings

gambler

I'm sure you all have some good comical stories of pple farting during prayer or other quiet times during meeting.

As a personal experience of mine, the night before I had eaten a frozen pizza, Doritos, and some old Chocolate MIlk. This combination produced the worst smelling brew I have ever had. It was the kind that hung around a half hour after passing. I was in the back row and decided to let loose for about 5 minutes. Although they were silent, that chair must have stunk for a month. I could tell half the hall smelled the toxic fumes. Fortunatly for me, I was sitting next to a bunch of younger kids who were known to LOUDLY fart often at meetings. And they indeed got the blame!

Any one else have any fart stories?

ashitaka

The one I remember is a sweet old gentlemen who used to come with his family (I guess because they wouldn't pay attention to him any other time). Well, during the last prayer, an old, softspoken brother took the stand. The prayer was almost unintelligible. Well, the fella next to me starts to make little grunts and squeals. He started rocking side to side on his heels. Then he releases a putter.
Continuing to rock side to side, he squeals again. Another putter. People around the hall are looking now.

I started to choke on my tounge.

The old guy farts again and started mumbling ,"oh my, oh my" with each putt. I was near death. I wanted to throw myself on the ground and laugh for hours.

And the mumbling prayer just kept on going. A real marathon prayer.

Finally, the guy next to me says, "Oh no!" in a horrified whisper, and a gigantic fart escaped his wrinkled cheeks!!! I started laughing out loud and loudly. I laughed until I cried. I never was forgiven by people for that meeting.

It's a shame because the old guy crapped himself, I think.

ashi

Nathan Natas

Isn't it obvious that flatulence is caused by demons?

"Fartor, spawn of satan, in jesus name I cast thee OUT!"

"Pppppppppppppprrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrfffffffffftt!"

TR

LOL ash!

That old dude needed "Oops, I Crapped My Pants" brand adult diapers.

TR

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
—Edmund Burke

battman

This is exactly why we have gone to cloth cover seats. The
rick o shay factor was drowning out the speaker when a fart
would "bounce" off the wood. hahahahahaha.

VeniceIT

We had this one brother in our bookstudy that had a colostomy bag. Well it would make strange sounds and it was hard not to get the giggles. (Everything's funnier during a meeting) well my mom's studies little boy is sitting there saying 'What was that?' 'What is that noise?' ohh we almost lost it. The poor brother was beet red!

Ven

"Injustice will continue until those who are not affected by it are as outraged as those who are."

AMarie

Unfortunately, I don't have any good fart stories from my old kingdom hall so (please forgive me for changing the subject) but I do remember something that was funny/gross.

There was a couple in our hall with four daughters that had a service meeting part on how to prepare as a family for field service. The girls were very very sweet except for the eight year old. She was really obnoxious, loud and ditzy at times. Well, their part was going pretty smoothly until we noticed a glassy eyed stare on the eight year old, Felicia's, face. Being in her own world, forgetting that she's in front of 100+ people, she proceeds to stick her finger up her nose, all the way to the first nuckle and eat whatever delectable treats were on her finger tip.

I don't think any of her family members noticed what she was doing (which I don't know how), but you could hear low chuckling throughout the hall. I don't think that poor girls has lived it down to this day.

AMarie

TR

AMarie,

Speaking of boogers, a visiting elder that gave the Sunday public talk sat near the front for the WT study. I swear to Jehoagie, this man sat there and started a fricking mining operation! He dug and dug and dug and dug. Totally oblivious to the hundred or so watching him instead of the paying attention to the program. Oh well, at least it was a diversion.

TR

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
—Edmund Burke

hillary_step

Imagine this. An International Assembly of JW’s, West Coast, 1974. The Assembly that Fred Franz spoke for 1.5 hours shredding, as only he could, the beauty of Psalm 119.

As a JW, I invited along to an afternoon session a huge African-American electric/string bass layer of some repute. A massive Shakespearean character, with a legendary eccentricity and a messianic belief in himself. If Othello lived in Detroit, this was he. He played in the big league but never quite made it, due I think to his insistence on taking his three live in girlfriends on tour.

Here was a man who insisted that keeping foul air within the body would eventually lead to its demise due to internal poison. This was of course just a minor foible, I will not describe what substance he used to brush his teeth.

Anyway, he sat quietly at the session for a while and then slowly, deliberately and with controlled volume allowed his ‘foul air’ to escape. This was followed by his immediately leaping up in front of everybody, beads jangling, to turn around and light a match close to where he had be sitting.

The JW’s around us sat with eyes firmly fixed ahead, though of course they missed nothing; while I pretended that he was not with me and just reddened with embarrassment. Five times this happened before an attendant leaned over saying, ‘Please could you stop doing that - it is a fire hazard’. My friend ever ready to charm, replied in a booming voice and with his celebrated wit, probably heard by the Franz himself; ‘Hey Man, not half as hazardous as my farts’.

HS

Simon

Here in Irlam, people still talk of the great "Chair Melt" of '98...

A very large sister (let's call her 'Norma') leant forward to pick her songbook up off the floor and let loose a real rasper on one of the hard plastic chairs we had. It was as brothers were swapping over on the platform so pretty quiet 'cause no one was talking.

Her quick thinking husband ('Arthur') quickly came up with a plan to divert attention and slapped one of their boys round the back of the head while loudly whispering "Adrian!".

Were it not for the fact that eveyone behind them knew it was her, they may have got away with this ruse. However, Adrian quite rightly objected to being labeled 'the phantom rasberry-blower of Irlam town' and protested, perhaps louder than he should and certainly louder than Norma & Arthur liked, "But it was MUM!".

If you ever meet anyone from Irlam, ask them if they were there and can remember the time Norma melted the chair... they will start to laugh I guarantee it.

(NOTE: The names of the people involved have not been changed so as to protect innocent people from unfair suspicion ... )

BTW: Their sons were the tallest, big footed pair you've ever met and we all called them 'the nephalim' behind their backs.

FARTING at the meetings

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