FARTING at the meetings (page 3)

Angharad

Best excuse ever, if you have done one of those silent but deadly ones is, to have a baby that is still in nappies/diapers, you just pick up the baby and sniff it and then make a big show of taking it to have its nappy changed!

Angharad

Just to add - not that I have ever personally done that - honest

Vitameatavegamin

How do you spell relief?? F.A.R.T.

zev

i am really shocked!

you people dont take the credit for an obviously great fart!

take me for instance.

i've been know to stand in the foyer during the meeting and let a great old corker go. the louder the better.

and i smile!

hey, why be in pain?

yup, that was me

and the looks? some just run, some laugh, some are shocked, but what the hell.....

i just love the different reactions

the best kinds are the beens and beer farts....
wheeeeew!

-Zev
We're on a roll!
Can you say...Squirm?

DannyBear

This did not happen at the KH, but did in the door to door work.

My pioneer partner and I had become very good friends, and as friends often do, share the same humor, or laugh at similar situations.

We approached the door and knocked...the popular approach at that time was to ask a question, followed up with a reading from the Bible. It was my turn...a middle aged fellow answered the door without a word....'Good morning would you like to live in a Paradise earth, notice what it says here'....Still no word from the man. Then he proceeded to rip one of the loudest farts, either of us had ever heard.

I busted out first in uncontrollable laughter, causing me to bend over..this happening just after a coffee and donut stop..which then caused me to fart,repeatedly, in staccato with my laughter. My partner started drooling with laughter, then the householder came out on the porch, with a serious look on his face....and proceeded to break into his own version of what I had performed.

Oh man, we did not recover from that little 'fartfest' the whole day. Every call we made, we had to keep from looking at each other, or we would be cracking up again.

My fartiest story, although I do remember other's. No more confessions here.

DannyBear

Marvin Shilmer

I leaked out a silent killer once while giving a public talk.

When everyone else was busy trying to find a citation from Habakkuk I was busy trying to relieve myself, silently. It turned out to be one of those “longuns” you have to carefully regulate the pace of or else make some serious noise. I was successful, but… while I was reading the text of Habakkuk my lungs were confronted with the likes of which they had never known. Besides shedding tears from the fumes, it was all I could do to contain my laughter. This thing was a pure unadulterated stink bomb!

Next thing you know, two sisters sitting right in front of the lectern looked at each other exchanging exaggerated soured looks. They were absolutely disgusted. One of them rushed out fanning the air. Again I was fighting to contain my laughter.

This thing slowly spread back about two more rows before the deadly concentration dispersed to modest effect. By the to and fro rustling it almost looked like the near audience was doing a mini version of “the wave.”

The funniest thing was a 10-year-old boy sitting within range. He looked at me straight in the eyes, sized me up and gave me that “WOW that was a good one” look. You can’t fool a child when it comes to these sorts of things. They know the look. We both exchanged grins, knowing perfectly well what each one was silently saying to the other. He knew I was the responsible party, and he knew I knew he knew it was me. My grin acknowledged his suspicion.

I forget which talk was presented.

What is our life if we can’t enjoy the finer moments of it?

Andee

This thread has me ROTFLMAO!!

Geez! Just reading it makes me wave my hand in front of my face!

Phew!!!

Andee

I'm always amazed at how PROUD males are of their farts!

DannyBear

Marvin,

Just got home from work, you had me in tears. I remember giving those public talks on Sunday mornings, often not as yet right with nature.
To funny, you and the little guy making 'eye' contact...AHHHHAHHHHahah

Andee,

Yes, we male types get all excited about pretty trivial stuff sometimes. Often we laugh at each other, only because we are embarrassed for ourselves!

And of course you notice that whan a pretty blonde, or hell any member of the opposite sex appears on the scene, all flatulence and burps, are postponed for later. Except for the one or two alway's willing to show thier machoness by willfully expelling hot air, just because a woman is present. You know the type, Iam sure.

Danny

Derrick

> I was in the back row and decided to let loose for about 5 minutes. Although they were silent, that chair must have stunk for a month. I could tell half the hall smelled the toxic fumes. Fortunatly for me, I was sitting next to a bunch of younger kids who were known to LOUDLY fart often at meetings. And they indeed got the blame!

How rude. :<

Tammie

Zev had said the best stinkers come from beer and beans. Well yes that is bad, but add jalapeno peppers with that. NOW THAT IS A STINKER. When it comes to my husband, I pretty well figgure that he can give any one a run for their money when it comes to the most smelliest farts. I will tell of 2 episodes.

The first time he farted around me, was the day after we got married. We was both in the car, with the AC on. This was one of those silent ones. But man the odor was so strong, I about puked. Trapped in a car. So all I could do was to roll down the window. I guess that was when the honey moon was over for us. The second time my husband ate beans, jalapeno peppers, and washed it down for beer. I was also about 2 months pregnate at the time. I went to bed and he followed me. We both went to bed. I about dozed off when a HORRIBLE ODOR hit me. God it was my husband. It was very very bad. He refused to go to the couch, so I did. About 4 hours later, thinking it was safe I went back to the bedroom. But he stink it up so bad, I had to leave. I swear it took a couple of days for that odor to eventually leave. That was the last time I ever allowed him to eat that combination ever again.

FARTING at the meetings

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