NEW LIGHT FOR YOU - Welcome to the board my friend ! My wife Mrs. Flipper and myself welcome you with open arms ! You have received much good advice here from everybody in my opinion so I'll just throw in a couple points.
One thing- you have your husband with you in this new position. That is HUGE ! So many here on the board still have believing mates still in- which as you can imagine makes it lots more difficult. Be kind to yourself - give yourself time so that you don't berate yourself with FALSE GUILT . Your friends, elders, and everyone in will make YOU feel like you are the dirty bird for leaving. But you are a good person, you are in the right- not them. They are part of a " mind controlled cult " - but they do NOT know it. If you have a chance, you and your husband should read together , " Combatting Cult Mind Control ", by Steve Hassan. That book helped me learn more about how the witnesses " controlled " me more than any book I read ! And I was in the witnesses 44 years from birth ! Got out 5 years ago ! You need support and friends right now. I will PM you and Robert my wife and my phone numbers if you'd like to talk sometime.
Hang in there friend - you have lots of support and friends here who have been through what you are going through. Hang onto this new life line you have. We all can give you some ideas to think about. Whatever you do DO NOT meet with the elders. They just want to spiritually control and rape you essentially. And be masters over your life and decisions. They only have as much control as you give them. You don't have to give them any. I'll PM you now. Peace out, Love, Mr. & Mrs. Flipper
Please, I need helpful suggestions.....
by New light for you 48 Replies latest jw friends
-
flipper
-
The Oracle
New Light For You,
Welcome to the board!
I am saddened to hear of your plight and angry at the same time. So much foolish and needless suffering is caused by this ridiculous cult masquerading as a religion.
If you need help, if you need protection from the elders - please know that I will offer suggestions at every step of the way to ensure that you will not be disfellowshipped if that is your desire. I am currently serving as an undercover elder working to break the back of the organization from the inside. From what I have discovered there are many of us, including several on this board.
I am nearing the end of my term serving as an elder fighting against the WT in support of common decency, but depending on your location I can do more than offer advice.
You have a PM.
The Oracle
-
mrsjones5
You have and are gonna get a lot of good advice here. I have nothing to add but I want to say is thank God you have your husband.
Josie
-
Billy the Ex-Bethelite
Welcome New Light !!
It's a tough enough discovery that "da troof" is a lie. Then, throw in "life long friends" that are all too ready to pressure you with threats. Yes, it's a cult. It's setup so that anyone leaving is supposed to go crazy, like a self-destruct sequence at the command of the captain. Previously, the GB was the captain in control. But really, the vessel is YOURS and YOU are in control, it is only when you allow others to have control that the craziness begins.
Okay, enough philosophy. You asked for suggestions.
What may work is to direct the target away from yourself, but showing that you are 'innocently' involved. Are you good at "untruthing"? No, it's not a lie. If you lie, Hojovah will kill you like he did Ananias and Sapphira. In "theocratic warfare" it's untruthing. The elders unthruth all the time and don't get struck dead. So, in adjusting your situation, you explain that you were questioned by a relative/workmate/neighbor/householder about the JW pedophile scandal, or false prophecies, or blood issue, or something and couldn't answer. You tried to do your own research, but nothing. You expressed your concerns to your "friends" and they report you as an apostate... FOR TRYING TO DEFEND THE JWS TO SOMEONE ELSE. Now the elders are trying to "dis-shepherd-ship" you? Hey, you still love Hojovah, but you need some answers to give your relative/workmate/neighbor/householder. Until they have some answers, how are you going to be able to go out in service unprepared? Go to the meeting where they all think you're apostate? Sure you'll go, as long as there is a part explaining the JW pedophile coverup.
Anyway, that's the way I've been playing the game. If anybody thinks they ought to "talk" to me, they've learned that I don't take intimidating pep-talks. They better have some direct by-the-Bible answers or I can pretty well blow them off as amateurs.
B the X
-
Billy the Ex-Bethelite
Just have to add: My very first suggestion would be to talk to Mr & Mrs Flipper !
-
Vinny
You can tell the elders you are having some issues/doubts etc, but that you "don't want to talk about it". Same with all JW's that call or stop by. "Thanks for your concern, but I just don't want to talk about it".
This is what my wife has done for two years now, which has allowed her to still have a relationship with her JW brother. Most JW's still chat with her, though lately some will not.
Or, if the elders believe you have already gone to far (by talking specifics with your best friend), and you really are not ready to cut ties, then you can meet with the elders and then allow them to "adjust your thinking", by agreeing with them on everything. You might not even get reproved if you just lay down for them 100 percent.
But laying down for them is not easy, especially since you have now been enlightened to the real facts as they really are.
While my wife has faded, I disassociated two years ago. Basically I was where you are now. I knew too much! Because of this (and because like you I spoke about it too soon), I could only do the lay down thing, or be disfellowshipped, or disassociate. Those are the only three options you are given by the JW's. I chose the latter.
I was an elder and very active Witness for over 15 years. Here is my exact story why if you are interested:
http://exjehovahswitnessforum.yuku.com/topic/922/t/Letter-of-disassociation.html
Initially after I left, my wife and step daughter (20 year old regular pioneer still living with us), stayed in as active JW's. But then they saw how I was unfairly treated and eventually started examining things themselves. Though it took our daughter much longer before she would even consider examining anything. (Yes, we trained her well). But today, two years later both are COMPLETELY OUT with successful fades. My own son is out as well, but my wife's own 23 year old son (my stepson, though I raised him since he was six), is still in and shuns us all. Hard to believe but true.
However, to even attempt a fade, you cannot talk specifics with any JW's. PERIOD! You will have to accept this arrangement if you hope to keep JW relationships intact.
Which is why I disassociated, since I could not allow anybody to handcuff me like this.
When my wife just mentioned the doubts that I was having (not her doubts mind you, but mine), her best friend of 20 years told her she will never speak to HER again. And just like flicking a light switch off, that was that. That supposed friend has not been in any contact since that conversation. She is still blown away by just how conditional JW friendships are and how fast and easy JW's are willing to write you off.
Since you liked COC, I would highly recommend Ray Franz second book, In Search of Christian Freedom. For me, it was even better than COC.
You have a whole new world of opportunities to look forward to, IMO. But it may not be easy. Undoing all that has been drilled into our minds week after week for year after year is not an overnight thing. You will have doubts. You will feel guilty. You will get angry. But you will feel free and happy as well. And in time you will be grateful you allowed yourself to be educated to the real truth here.
If possible, moving to a new place that could help a lot. This way you don't worry about bumping into Witnesses and dealing with the shunning thing and constant reminders. But because I live on Kauai (the most beautiful place on earth in my book), I decided not to leave and have just adjusted to the shunning/labeling and more. And I see JW's every single week, since the ratio here is like 1 in every 70 people being JW. So you can manage quite well if you don't want to or cannot move. But it does seem to help to move forward for those that have made that choice.
Will check in to see how you are doing. Is great that your husband is there to support you all the way. Actually, to be honest, because of having to go through all of this together, my wife and I have never been closer than now. Lean on each other through this. And talk about your honest feelings freely and often. Share experiences. In fact, I read this to my wife as she was drinking her coffee. She then jumped in and read the second half to me.
And then I replied...
Peace and best wishes to you, Robert and your whole family!
Aloha,
Vinny -
milligal
Welcome-and I'm sorry. I know how difficult this is (literally I went through similar situation) but you will be okay and in the end, perhaps even happier.
I hope you can find some peace and know that so many people have moved on. It takes time but what else are you going to do? You sound like the kind of person who really does want to be honest with herself. The elders will most likely try to pin you down on apostacy 'charges' they are very rigid about this because it's such a threat to their control when one of the flock starts to question, then others start to questions-they just won't allow it to go down like that. But YOU have done nothing wrong. You are not a bad person and you have not stunted your children for life.
I feel your pain, I know this is hard. If you face it, you may just find that although things are hard for a while and you have to rebuild, you'll be proud of yourself for being honest AND your children will not grow up to be put in the same situation you are in now. That brings me comfort all the time-that I can show my son how many good things are out there for him. Good luck and hope to see you here again.
-
jwblog
A perfect law is without conflict, where there is no conflict love resides.
If two find conflict, find resolution by the word of the law.
If an understanding is reached under the law, then you gain love once more.
If one chooses to not obide by the law, they must not approach the altar.
For by law forgiveness is mandatory, where one is remorseful and repentant.
The Ear of The Father is shut to those that do not forgive, but allow hate to reside.
Love is the greatest of all laws, because when you excercise love, a conflict will not exist.
Do not judge one another is the law. Many people have many various beliefs, do not condemn another person because their belief does not conform to yours. Try to understand that people have many differrent experiences that cause them to think the way they do. Some are not as knowledgeable as others, as they have not been taught by anyone.
The Almighty GOD is not out to destroy you as many teach. Please put faith in your Heavenly Father and make you mind over to give Him the benefit of the doubt. A period of time exists where those in creation have free will out of wisdom. It is a short period when you compare it to everlasting life.
Make an attempt to put away your bad feelings towards those you feel have misled you. Those that remain in the organization choose this form of belief so do not condemn them for what makes them whole as a person. Once you choose to leave a certain organization no matter of what faith, simply tell them you do not agree. Then separate yourself in a loving way, and let them do as to whatever their belief commands them to do.
You are under no authority of any man upon the earth. You make an attempt to grasp the meaning of what you learn in faith and you are found praiseworthy by your acts.
Finally, make an attempt to not bring condemnation upon your Creator for the things His creations choose to do. This is the meaning of the words by Jesus Christ "Heavenly Father, Let Your Name Be Sanctified". It means that His name, whatever it may be to those that believe, will be made HOLY again.......AMEN.......
the faithful and discreet slave
Why is it the scriptures asks: who really is the faithful and discreet slave? In sound reasoning it would suggest that someone has put forth the claim of one whom recieves the "title" as the slave correct? What other organization upon the earth that has grown so large in number is claiming to be the faithful and discreet slave? The only one known to claim this are those of the watchtower bible and tract society correct?
So in wisdom, where would the Heavenly Father reveal the "true" faithful and discreet slave? First and foremost, I was revealed to the members of the governing body and spoke to one claiming to be anointed. This occured by direct communication through a cell phone and by many letters written to them. I identified myself as the faithful and discreet slave and they chose to believe whatever it is they did. The Father knows, I do not.
I have, by instruction, been posting upon this forum for many years now as many upon this forum have been chosen according to their deeds. It is written that the slave will come to be, just as Jesus Christ came to be. The slave is one in like manner to Jesus Christ, as he recieves Christs belongings. Therefore his experience has to be similar to that of Jesus Christ.
I am the slave and by my fruits you will recognize me. I am offspring of Abraham, out of the tribe of Levi. I am a blood descendant, not one chosen in a spiritual sense but the true "seed" of Abraham. Those of the w.t.s. recognized fulfillment of many prophecies and many of their teachings hold true. But they are not correct as to whom the scriptures make reference to in the end times. The scriptures make reference to those in the Middle East, true descendants of Abraham.......
the faithful slave whom carries the name given to him by The Father which is "Estephan Leuese". I am known by the w.t.s.
-
drew sagan
Nobody should be pressured into making decisions with so much on the line.
This is how you know the Watchtower is not a healthy religion, and cannot be the truth
If it really is the truth, why does there have to be so much pressure for people to conform?
People don't "go crazy" when the leave the Jehovah's Witnesses. Rather people go through tons of stress that the religion imposes on them when they leave. Kind of like hitting somebody over the head with a baseball bat and then telling him he should have ducked.
The important thing to remember is that you should be making the decisions where your life is headed, and nobody should be using high pressure tactics to force you into any other decision. Remain calm. I personally wouldn't be talking with JWs at this point, just will create trouble for you. Be as generic and non-specific as possible when talking to the JWs. You don't have to prove anything to them, worry about your own well being. -
Quandry
Her husband ISN"T a witness, so I'd love for our girls to be able to play once in a blue moon thru the husbands at least... have NO idea how to tell my 8 year old that the best friend she grew up with will no longer be able to see her ever again., along with everyone else in our world.
THank you SO much for listening...I appreciate any ideas or suggestions!
First, welcome.
Second, I know that you feel that you may die from the pain this is causing. Please know that others have felt the same, including me and my family. At first, it is just overwhelming. To face the truth about the "truth" isn't easy....I also was one that organized get-togethers, had lots of friends, etc. Yes, it is hard to go from "popular" one day to no one the next.
I know that, as a mother, your concern is for your children. For right now, it is important for your children to have a stable atmosphere. Perhaps if they want to still go to the KHall for awhile, you must accompany them. It may make the transition easier.
It is also a good thing that it is summer. Perhaps getting away for a few days on vacation will help your family. Maybe involve the children in some sports activities or summer camps where they can make new friends. Take classes-maybe do jewelry making with your daughter. Go back to school-just get busy, so that this doesn't take more of a mental tole on you.
Keep us informed.