I Really, Really Want a Baby...

by cognac 68 Replies latest jw friends

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  cognizant dissident

  Cognac, all your set-up plans, while helpful in having a healthy baby, are not what is truly important in bringing a child into this world. You are missing the one key ingredient at the moment. A stable relationship with your husband and a stable life. Make sure your relationship with your husband is going to go the distance in spite of JW issues. It is much easier if you end up splitting up when there are no kids involved.

  Not that single moms can't provide a good life for their kids but it is tough for them. The ones that do the best are settled within themselves and have a stable lifestyle, even though single. Otherwise, you and your child are just surviving. It's not that you have any control over, or can change your parents and husbands belief, but you need to be settled with those relationships and content with them as they are and know that you can provide a good life for a child within the framework that presently exists.

  How does your husband view having kids? Is he totally willing to not influence it to be a JW? If not, are you fine with hubby and parents having JW influence on your child? These are very important issues that need to be worked out BEFORE you get pregnant. If you can't agree now, it will be a nightmare after the child is born. A child can enhance a good marriage. It can also break a bad one. All it does is give you a myriad more issues to fight over if you have already have trouble resolving your conflicts.

  I'm speaking from very painful personal experience here!

  Cog (the other one)
• 

  changeling

  There is no need more powerful than wanting a baby. If you are happilly married and financially stable I say: go for it! You'll never regret it.

  changeling :)
• 

  jwfacts

  I have a 3.5 month old son, and I am absolutely overwhelmed at how incredible he is. It is the most amazing experience having a child. However, it does add stress to the marriage, so will not necessarily make a marriage better.

  One benefit has been that the grandparents, who feel they should shun me, can not help but have to come over to see him, so it is a good way to encourage your parents not to shun you.

  
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  MissingLink

  Kids are great. They totally change your life. Having kids is what forced me to face the truth about the WTS.

  The way I see it you have ONE issue. Your husband. You two have to be united unless you want to end up in a WTS custody battle a few years down the road. If he agrees to raise the kids in a non-dub way, then go for it.

  If you have the three (or more) of you together, then you can tell the rest of them where to stick it.
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  SnakesInTheTower

  you have had some good advice.... unless I missed it, here is one thing to think about:

  how do you feel about the whole "no blood"/HLC interfering in your medical decisions" issue? Baby in the hospital, docs pressuring you for a transfusion, you in your heart would be OK with it...husband is a goody-JW...gettting pressure from local elders and HLC.... talk about stress..... what do you do.....listen to your heart and save your baby .....or listen to a cult of non-medically trained men meddling in your business.... would your JW hubby stand up for your feelings or those of the meddlers at HLC? (me personally, the whole blood thing makes me nervous....I wouldnt take a transfusion myself unless it really got down to it...and maybe not then... I have no one relying on me for support...)

  ...as long as you are married to your JW hubby...who it sounds like you love..... this is going to hang like a dark cloud....communicate......

  I wish you the best on this continuing saga..... whatever you decide...and look forward to your frequent updates....

  Snakes ()
• 

  BizzyBee

  You have been in family and marriage turmoil since you got here six months ago. One month ago you stated that your marriage was "crap." Fantasizing about a baby is perhaps an escape from reality for you? No criticism of you for that, cognac, but you asked what we thought. Being a mother is the most demanding job in the world - you seem a bit fragile emotionally, so perhaps you need more time to deal with issues before bringing a child into the world?
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  minimus

  Cognac, why would you ask opinions of a discussion board regarding YOU having a baby? Whether or not you choose to have a child is your decision. If everyone here said, "go for it!" and things weren't as good as you anticipated, then what? What difference does it make to you if JWD board members weigh in on this matter?

  I don't get it.
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  changeling

  JWfacts, that is one cute baby! Cognac's baby fever is sure to rise now!
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  momzcrazy

  Oooh, I understand that need. I have only wanted one thing more than I have wanted my babies, every one of them. Even the ones I lost.

  OK, make sure that things are OK with your husband before you get to the baby making. Divorce is horrid with kids, for all involved.

  You and hubby are the foundation for your family, you can't have that be unsteady and still build on it.

  Now, that out of the way.....have fun making the baby! And start your prenatals now, before you are pregnant.

  Good Luck!

  momz
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  Princess Daisy Boo

  My two children are two out of the three best things in my life... the third being my husband... but having said that... the only times in my life that I considered ever not being with my husband were in the months after my kids were born - having them added so much strain to our marriage.

  You talk about having everything all planned out... sorry girlfriend - things dont always go according to plan... trust me (and bobby)

  Are you ready to deal with not celebrating their birthdays?

  As Minimus said - this is really not a decision you should be getting advice on from a mostly anonymous internet forum... but then again you knew that when you started the thread didn't you?