Decades ago, when my brother was a teenager and I a young 20 something year old full of The Truth, he got disfellowshipped for inappropriate behavior with his 17-year old girlfriend.
He cried. I remember it like it was yesterday. I loved him so much and seeing tears and heartache on his face literally broke my heart. His whole life from birth had been in the JW world. All of his friends, his siblings, and mother and father were in that JW world with him. His Life revolved around the meetings, field service, witness get-togethers, preparation of talks, attending assemblies and conventions, and studying for the meetings.
In school, he was an honor student. In my family, you were expected to make excellent grades, yet you were never to mention the "C" word (College). My brother was awesome. He was handsome, smart, funny, and energetic. He could have been anything he chose to become.
What did he become? He became full of despair. He went on to graduate high school, even though he had been kicked out of the house. I went to his graduation with my mother because he was still important to us, even though he "shamed Jehovah’s organization" by allowing his hormones to think for him. We put that aside that night for him. My father? Well, he chose Jehovah over his son and stayed home. As I write this, I can see my brother walking down the aisle to get his diploma. On a night when all his friends and family should have been celebrating his achievement and felt proud that he was one of the few wearing the banner of "Highest Honors" across his graduation gown, they were home (probably studying for some meeting or preparing for field service.)
He never recovered. The next few years he bounced around in a daze struggling to find a way. He took up alcohol as a means to dull his pain. When he discovered the temporary relief, he began to use it more and more. He never could get back up to a place where he could throw off the JW abuse and rejection and move on. He turned into a quiet dejected young man, and sunk into a lonely world of alcoholism. But, being extremely intelligent, he was able to find jobs and hold on to them for a while. He always maintained a strong work ethic and I was always amazed at how he kept that going through all the pain he suffered in silence.
He pulled back from everybody. My mother did not shun him nor did I. When he was initially disfellowshipped, she was expected to treat him like something unclean, but my mother suffered when she tried doing that. She stopped it, and for the rest of her life she would not shun him. But she suffered as she watched him crumble into such lonely despair. His disposition and personality changed and a wall went up that nobody could ever penetrate.
There is much more to say about the rest of the years from there, but they are too heartbreaking and personal for me to share with the "strangers" that make up this forum. Suffice it to say, my entire family was affected.
Over the years, I, too, faded from the organization. My reasons are not what this post is about, but suffice it to say, I knew if anybody I loved ever got disfellowshipped again, nobody, including Jehovah himself, would be worth watching my loved one sink to such depths of despair.
If I had it to do over, with the knowledge and wisdom I possess today, I would go to the elders that did that to him and speak out. I would stand my ground and tell them what unholy self-righteous judgmental men they are. When you judge another as unworthy and put the label "No Longer One of Us" or as the Bible says, "Not of Our Kind", you do an injustice to all.
These kinds of arrogant, narrow-minded, bigoted, hateful, revengeful acts have a ripple effect and at some point they will return to you ten-fold. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but in their own due time, they fold back over you and you get your just desserts.
I wish back then I had had the inner force of character to stand up for my brother, not to condone what he did, but simply to say: "He’s a sinner, not a wicked man. He made a mistake, not commit a crime. If you can’t see that, and have decided to kick him to the curb, then I’m out of here, too. I don’t want to be a part of any group that puts this good man in the same category as a pedophile or murderer (or a porn spammer).
The owner of this board has done the same thing to some of "my friends" whom I enjoyed associating with in this cyber room called JWD. They have been disfellowshipped…..kicked to the curb….labeled "Not of Our Kind". Before writing this, I went back and looked at his posts that got him and others disfellowshipped. I took a look at the last ten topics he started, and all I can say, is you lost one of your best.
You will carry on. Others will come on board and the number of your posters will still look good, and all of you will continue to give your talks and associate with each other. But, remember, the ones you disfellowshipped are real people….people who found this place and made it a part their life because they thought they found a group of diverse, open-minded, interesting people they could banter with.
So, not that anybody cares, but as of today, consider the above post "My Letter of Dissassociation from JWD."