daily updates on crazy situation...
i find it weird how certain people can be so afraid of sharing their opinions. for example now that all of this bull***t is going on my family suddenly has this intesive opinion about my mothers religion. For example, my step grandpa is the closest to me out of all the members of my family. And I never knew that he had any sort of opinion about the jw's good or bad. however now that i have openly discussed my feelings towards the so called " religion" being a mind control cult and what not, i have learned that he was always dead set against it.. if he was ever baptised he would be one beauty of an apostate... first thing he did when i came into the house was hand me a book to read.. " Jehovah's Witnesses.. answered verse by verse" i haven't read it yet just the introduction but it seems to be on the right track.
anyway, he feels that my life has been stolen from me.. a big part of it would be not celebrating the holidays.. which i do not mind so much in itself. i dont think that my life was ruined because i missed out on presents but i understand what he is refering to. he believes that all children should have magic in their lives and be able to hold on to a fantasy world of innocence and amusement. lets just say he is really excited for this christmas.
He also thinks that my mother has destroyed a great many good things about my personality etc. which im not sure exactly what things he means but i guess i tend to agreee with him.. i have been noticing many things i naturally do or think of because of how my mother raised me in this intensive faith. However,, i think the biggest thing would be guilt. Which, i am happy to say, i no longer feel. yes it is in the back of my mind but i now have to ability to stop and say to myself.. " why are you thinking like this?" my aunt was just telling me a story that illustrates the fact perfectly.
I have never been one to cry. that is just my personality.. even when i was a child it just never happened unless it was something very big that had occured. well, at one point my aunt lived with us for a couple months. she said she remembered when i was about 8 years old being yelled at to a rediculous extent for doing something bad..and i cried in my room for about an hour (she couldnt remember what it was.) She said that she couldn;t believe the amount of guilt my mother had expected me to feel for doing whatever the thing was. and that her main point was " whe you do something bad you hurt jehovah.... more than you can imagine.. " she couldnt understand how religious beliefs could influence the disciplining of your child to such an extent. that is not something a loving religion does to its young children...
i think that my biggest problem with the whole thing for the time being would have to be this whole conditional love thing....does that not violate the very core values of the so called "truth"? and we "apostates" are the ones who twist the scriptures for our own purposes???? no.. someone has got that very very wrong. I dont believe in judging people for what they think.. yes i judge in the way that i believe the jw's are a cult any people who are affiliated with them have some real thinking to do.. But i do not think that i can no longer love my mother because she is one. no. we are still a family and religion should not devide us. however, her feelings are not the same. i guess i have to accept that fact and move on.. particularly because she has not exactly made my life, lets say, enjoyable.. but that is a whole other story.. maybe i will add it at some point.
anyways, back to the original topic. i ma now glad to have the support of my family.. i just hope it lasts..
