Those With JW Spouses - How are you Coping ? Any experiences ? (page 2)

flipper

TIFFY 0212- I'm so sorry my friend you have had to go through a loveless situation all those years. I do hope you can find some peace for yourself , somehow, someway with the help of your adult children perhaps . It was wrong how you were treated , and I do hope you can get some comfort. Peace to you, Mr. Flipper

Black Sheep

Things are not going that well since I started questioning the WT.

I was the silly bugger (born in),who hadn't done his homework and introduced her to the religion. Now I am the minion of Satan who is trying to get her out. Our kids are believers, one in, one inactive but still believing.

We both think that each other is a danger to our grandchildren.

We don't trust each other where religion is concerned. I have made it quite clear that I will defend my beliefs to anyone. She has made it quite clear that she will not defend her beliefs to me.

I managed to give her quite a bit to think about before she shut down. If any of it is working, she is not letting on. Like all JWs with converts, she has extreme incentive not to admit that she has made the same mistakes that I did.

It makes life very difficult.

Cheers
Chris

nameless_one

I am looking forward to my wife reading these threads one day. I also am a bit scared that she will be concerned that our marriage was discussed here, but I still look forward to having to explain why when she reads it.

Very similar situation for me, except I am a never-JW UBM.

I have found JWD to be a lifeline that keeps me sane in many ways. I have learned so much, not just about the WTS itself but about the real, individual people it grinds up and spits out. It is also freeing to just be around others who understand all this crap, because no one else in my world does! I've found much help and encouragement here, and try to give the same where I can, but I also am very careful about the words I write and share, because I hope with all my heart that my JW will be here some day in the future. So I always (or at least usually LOL) post with that in my mind.

As for coping, my way is one day at a time, one inch at a time, slow and steady. There's no other alternative available to me really.

JimmyPage

My wife seems to go through phases. For example, recently she felt guilty about our pre-marriage foolin' around and wanted to confess. But then that seemed to pass (thankfully). She seems to do that from time to time and fortunately we never carry through.

Lately she hasn't even seemed real enthused about the cult. Instead of going out in service the last chance we had she went to garage sales. Instead of going to the meeting the last chance we had she worked on a home project instead.

I just wonder if my educating her about WT history on occasion is kicking in. She has never really done personal study and she knows I have. I wonder if she realizes that I'm probably right about it all.

flipper

BLACK SHEEP- My ex-wife was a JW and she called me Satan once ! Told me I was from the devil ! It makes it hard on you that your kids are believers as they probably side with your wife. My 2 adult daughters are witnesses also- they side with the witness ex-wife ! My son- thank God, is not a witness, and we are close ! Sounds like your wife has that JW arrogance that she will not admit when she is wrong ! It's like talking to a brick wall sometimes ! Hang in there friend - I feel for your situation ! Take care Chris.

NAMELESS ONE- I hear you. JWD really does help , doesn't it ? There are a lot of people here who are going through- or have been through what you are dealing with having a witness mate ! So that helps ! You can benefit from their takes and experiences. I hope your mate gets out of the cult too, sometime in the future ! Hang in there !

JIMMY PAGE- That is interesting what you say about your wife wanting to confess about your pre-marriage fooling around together ! After my divorce in 1998 from my witness wife of 19 years - she tried to lay a guilt trip on me about years earlier when we were witness teenagers fooling around making out in service as well ! I told her , " Well it takes 2 to tango, you wanted to make out also in rural territory ! " It sounds like your wife might be having doubts about the organization if she has lost her zeal for meetings and service ! Maybe your reading and educating yourself is making inroads on her ! Good luck to you with that ! I wish you the best ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper

sacolton

I will call this subject "SISTER STRANGELOVE (or how I stopped worrying and learned to love shopping for Birthdays)"

As most of you know, I'm disassociated. Recently, a close friend of ours is having a birthday party for his little girl who turns 6. Well, she's into Hanna Montana big time. So, when my wife and I go to the store for shopping ... guess what she does? She completely takes over the selection for birthday presents, cards, bags, bows, ribbons ... she goes nuts! She loves it! You can see it in her eyes. She just gets so involved and I just stand back and let her go crazy. She won't go to the birthday party, but she'll shop for presents. It's a start! Let's see how she handles Halloween. Hee! Hee!

flipper

SACOLTON- That is cool your wife likes shopping for Birthday presents and stuff ! I forgot her status ? Is she an inactive witness, or is she disassociated as you are ? That is great she is getting comfortable with Birthdays ! Maybe you can both dress up for Halloween as you say ! Good job ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper

sacolton

Oh, she's very much active. Never misses a meeting. Go figure.

flipper

SACOLTON- Wow ! That's interesting ! I'm glad she is open to shopping with you then ! That's strange, but great ! Perhaps she'll bend in other areas too ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper

HAL9000

Living in interesting times......

I am (like nameless) a never-JW ubm. My wife came into contact with the witnesses during a bad period in her life (unwell and off work for a year) about seven years ago.

My first reaction was to raise the obvious issue of this cult with her, but there was always a "plausible" answer from the witnesses to counter the arguments and issues raised (failed prophecy, shunning, control practices etc). I went to the web and found my answers (although it took a long time for me to get to JWD) and realised that the rot had set in - I would risk losing her if I went in "boots and all". I am well informed (imho) about their practices - the love-bombing, the theocratic warfare (i.e. lies), isolation from "the world" etc so I know what to expect and to question the propaganda.

I have been to some of the meetings as I wanted to "experience the experience" (and to provide support to my wife during a period of disability). I was not impressed by what I heard at the meetings and found the "memorial" to be a dry and uninspiring business. I was not taken in by the enlistment actions and as a consequence the witnesses maintain a cordial albeit distant relationship with me, as they are aware that their efforts would be better spent elsewhere.

Please understand that I will defend my wife's right to do something stupid (agian imho) but I do try to plant the seeds of doubt where I can. She is a strong willed person and will one day fall foul of their dictates - and I will be there to help her through it. At least she has not got to the point of actually being baptised, although she does do phone witnessing.

The downside is the isolation and the stupidities arising from the interpretations of the book of myth & legend: "Jehovah does not depict this in a good light" aand associated nonsenses that we all are to well aware of. I suppose the upside is that our nieces (we have no children ourselves) still get birthday and Christmas presents, although not on the day........and that I have convinced her father not to go head-on with her on her doubtful association with the JW's. There are not too many of our friends pre JW that stay in contact.

A bit of a ramble, but I hope it conveys the challenge!

h9k

Those With JW Spouses - How are you Coping ? Any experiences ?

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