Hey April, glad you are here!! thanks for the sharing, lots of great people (and often interesting opinions) here!!
New here, but not to being an Ex-JW...
by amama2six 63 Replies latest jw friends
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garybuss
Hi amama2six
Thanks for the reply. I've come to the conclusion that, for me, it doesn't really matter what I believe, or know, or don't know . . . it's how I treat other people that's important. I have the pleasure of being able to benefit from a few years of experience. I benefit by remembering my failures, analyzing my successes and being able to identify the principles involved in both.
Basically, I've been able to sum it up with two pretty simple axioms. 1. What's never worked in the past, probably isn't gonna work in the future. 2. What's worked in the past, likely will work again.
I've been able to run a pretty successful life when I bother to remember those. I've had some really good teachers. Some, like Ayn Rand, were dead by the time I allowed them to teach me. Some were sages who sat with me and told me stories. Some were mystics who sat with me and watched sunsets. All are cherished.
I found out if I know something, I can't learn, so I go through life as a student in search of a master. Always when I'm teachable the master appears. I used to miss many masters because I thought people who used to pause and wait for me to sit with them didn't look like a master. They weren't the sex or race or age I expected. Then I had an experience that changed that.
My hardest lesson has been learning to accept rejection . . . with respect. It's hard enough to accept rejection but to accept rejection with respect is not a one person job for me. All together, that makes me a work in progress. But it's fun. It's fun to be free to make mistakes and fun to learn. -
kwintestal
Welcome. I have several friends in the Navy (Canadian). Not an easy life for their wives.
Kwin
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GoddessRachel
Hi Amama2six - thanks for sharing! Glad you are here.
Rachel
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dawg
And the one thing you said that pisses us all off the most....
"Sometimes I wonder if things would have worked out differently had I been raised with self-worth and to believe that my own thoughts and feelings mattered. A HUGE part of why I'm here, I guess, is because of the amount of control my own parents gained over me due to raising me in that religion."
That's what used to make me the maddest... like only these idiots, total morons who know nothing.. these men called the "faithful slave" only their thoughts mattered... shit!
Honestly, what else can be said, other than, you do, after time get self respect and know your "Own thoughts and feelings" do matter... and believe me, they matter more than these men full of pride and full of shit who run this "organization". What the hell is wrong with people who fall for this utter nonsense?
The fact that you didn't see through the BS, Should let you know how much your "thoughts and feelings" should matter... you know what I mean? It means you aren't the idiot, they are! -
dawg
I mean that you see through the BS... not didn't.
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amama2six
Dawg, it took me SO long to realize the problem wasn't me, it was THEM (religious leaders and my believing parents)! Even now I struggle with low self-esteem, mostly when I'm interacting with my parents. They have taken everything I did after I left the religion (the drinking, drugs, sexual promiscuity, etc.) and tried to use it to prove that I am a horrible person and mother. The funny thing is, in raising my oldest daughter for the last 8 years they have changed SO MUCH...allowing her more independance, free-thinking, and the opportunity to be a CHILD...none of which I ever had. So if I'm the one doing everything wrong and they are so damn perfect then why did they change their child-raising techniques? Because they KNOW they were wrong and are using my child to try and correct the mistakes they made. :mad: Except in doing so they can't help but remain the control freaks they've always been. Thanks to their alternate approach to raising her, however, she has no problem seeing through them and recognizing that they are effed up. hahaha
One more thing I will mention (that I probably wouldn't if it weren't for my having a few drinks tonight). My story is a little longer than I originally expressed. It actually starts when I was around 13 months old and my Dad and natural mother separated/divorced. My mother left me with my father and he felt he could not fully take care of my brother and me by himself, so he enlisted the help of the state. We were both put in a foster home (same one) and remained there for 3 1/2 years. The foster father was a pedophile and suffice to say when I left the home to go back to my Dad at 4 1/2 years old I was no longer a virgin. By that time my Dad was already studying with JWs so I went from one mind-altering household to another. The combination was terrible and contributes to a lot of my during and post-JW actions. I admit with no regret that I have seen my share of therapists over the years...each has heard my story and stared at me in wonder at how calmly I can talk about my past and how unusually "normal" I have turned out after the fact. I guess I take a little pride in that. :)
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treadnh2o
Mama,
Someone close to me went through something very similar. What I realized is no one else can understand what's in your head. By the response to your posts there is an awful lot of us who really seem to like you thus far. Always look forward, as that is what you can control. And keep posting!!! -
amama2six
You all are so uplifting, it is like a breath of fresh air! I have had many wonderful people come into my life in the last 12 years but it means a little bit more coming from those who have actually been through and can understand what I have.
I'm glad I am liked here...I'm very friendly, open, and honest (sometimes too much so). Over the years I have taken the mentality that I do not wish to hide myself for fear of not being accepted. I will say who I am and if someone doesn't like it then they don't have to converse with me!
As for being too smart to fall for the teachings I was raised in...darn right! Once I reached the "age of reason", built enough self-esteem and righteous anger, and summoned up some guts I was OUT OF THERE!!! :D Didn't handle it in the best way but given what I was working with I'd say it could have been much worse.
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treadnh2o
Cheers!!!