by BonaFide 46 Replies latest jw friends
Reniaa, you do understand that if the elders knew you frequented this site, you'd be disfellowshipped? You do know that every one of your witness friends would disown you right now if they found out you were associating with apostates?
Let's just get that one thing straight. 
Dear Reniaa,
I understand your expressions of balanced view and fair play. But in this matter of
love bombing versus shunning I think it is fair to say most witnesses go to extremes....
either they fall all over you with gushing and tear filled eyes or totally ignore you !
I have personally experienced both . It's like a programed canned response based on
not how they truly feel toward you but rather "how am I supposed to act in this situation ?"
Just a nice normal middle of the road approach would be nice . I think it's the extremes
in action that troubles most of us ! I mean no hard feelings or disrespect to you
I am just telling you like it is !
Caliber
Thanks everyone for all your comments. I never thought I would be going through this in 2008. I thought we would be in the new system.
BF
Bonafide...
I'm sorry you're going through this.. its a tough time to sit and see what the future will hold for you. Just make sure you feel confident in whatever your decision might be... and do whats best for you.
I'm really sorry, but i cant take it anymore... i have to respond to the other "goings on" of this thread...
Reniaa...
Tell me really WHY ARE YOU HERE? things here are "against the WT"... YES. because everyone here has been screwed out of years and years of their lives because of it. They have been screwed out of retirement, college, children... YOU NAME IT. and yes, some have died for the cause. If you want a PRO WT site, good for you, GO FOR IT. Dont expect us to change. I wish you responded ONCE to everyone telling you how you think the friends love you no matter what... GO TELL THEM you love to post on apostate websites. GO AHEAD miss "i love everything about the WT, they would never hurt me!" Lets see how that works for you. PROVE US WRONG.
Real friends stick with you no matter WHAT you believe. No matter WHAT you express. They feel free to tell you if you are out of line or if they have a problem with something you did or say but they continue to be your friend and they desire to work through differences because your relationship...you...are worth it to them. They are not there conditionally.
JWs call each other "the friends" but this is brought to you by the same group who call what they say "the truth"
You will soon hear crickets where once your JW "friends" were in your life. There is no gray area. You are either towing the JW line or they have no use for you. All that they think or feel in their hearts will be absolutely useless to you. You cant go to the movies with the feeling someone has or had in their hearts for you before you became...shunned.
BONAFIDE- I will add that your friends are only " conditional " friends in so far as you participate in Jehovah's Witnesses cult activities- i.e. - meetings, field service, personal study, raising your hand to answer at meetings, bowing your head at prayer, saying amen to the prayer , sing the songs out loud- instead of lip synching ( like I used to do as I was embarrassed to sing them ) . All of this stuff is what makes you a " conditional " friend to them. Nothing more- cult activities- not you being you- the authentic Bonafide . It is 2 COMPLETELY different things ! Think about it, Peace out, Mr. Flipper
Friendship bond by a legal clause and purpose are not true friends, you might regard them as associates of a devised Corporation
Very few friends (maybe none) are unconditional. The difference is in what their conditions are. Would you be friends with a racist? a fascist? a child molester? a murderer?
Everybody sets their own conditions, you just don't agree with the JWs conditions. I don't agree with some of them myself or the extreme nature of some of the rules, but this glorifying non-JW friends as unconditional is simply not true.
I understand what you're saying BonaFide. Here's my current opinion on the subject:
Although I'm still "in" and not avoided or much troubled currently in my congregation, it all got weird when I left Bethel. All of these "closer than a brother" relationships all disappeared. When you're on the "inside", whether the congregation or Bethel, you're "trusted". You're part of this special "brotherhood" that will last forever and ever when the end comes soon, very soon. When someone makes the move "outside", it all gets ackward. You're not "inside", not part of the "special brotherhood", not "trusted". I was the same person after I left Bethel, but all those people that said they'd keep in touch... didn't. Some of it hurt really bad. Of the ones that made some token efforts at correspondence, it wasn't encouraging to me.
But I learned from it. Although we were conditioned to believe that it was a "sacred brotherhood", we were really just workmates. In the secular world, when you have a job you develop friendships there, some of them rather close friendships at the time. But when you leave, you realize things will change. You'll make new friends at the next job. They'll make friends with your replacement. And if you happen to bump into previous workmates on the street, it won't be ackward. You'll chat about whatever you had in common, how things are going, maybe you will decide to keep in touch better... or maybe not. Same with classmates in school. A very few you may actually stay in touch with for the rest of your life. Most you will almost forget about. But, when you cross paths at a reunion or something, it won't really be ackward. You talk, you still consider yourselves acquaintances on friendly terms, if not actually close friends. It isn't a big deal. It's just part of life with some friends close for a lifetime, if you're lucky, but most friends kind of come and go as life changes and moves.
The problem in da troof is that your relationship is based on your standing in the "sacred brotherhood". Friendship with divine strings attached... like a bunch of marionettes performing together as the puppetmaster pulls the strings. If a puppet gets out of line, or doesn't do exactly what the puppetmaster scripts, the other puppets are lost. The expected flow of the story is disrupted and strings get tangled up. With the friendships from work or school, it's not scripted, not a bunch of strings attached. It's organic, living, dying, growing, fading. What happens, happens. You experience it and move on, either together or apart. But on the puppet stage, the presentation of anything unscripted is unacceptible. The puppetmaster won't be happy if he isn't in complete control. Even if some of the other puppets have feelings for the liberated puppet, they still are on the strings of the puppetmaster. Perhaps there is a 'friendship' still there somewhere, but what good is that with all those strings attached. What good is it if those "friends" tell you that you need to resubmit to the puppetmaster so you can be friends again. Is there a friendship worth going back to servitude to the puppetmaster Watch Tower Corporation?
Good one Billy.
