Santa & Kids - To Lie or Not To Lie?

by sweet pea 139 Replies latest jw friends

  • TheSilence
    TheSilence

    I don't have kids, so what do I know, but I do have nieces and nephews and their belief in Santa Clause has never hurt them. Even my 12 year old niece, who knows what's what, is told when she asks me if I believe in Santa Clause that YES I DO. I believe in the spirit of Santa Clause. I believe in the spirit of giving, which is what Santa Clause represents to me. I believe in the spirit of the holiday and the enjoyment of family and friends. I did not have those things growing up and so I will believe in Santa Clause for the entirety of my life. Santa Clause is me, and my mom, and my brothers, and my grandparents who give the kids the excitement of knowing they just heard Santa's sleigh passing through the night sky or reindeer on the roof. Why would I take such childlike wonder away from them? And I hope one day they know the joy of being Santa Clause, too.

    Jackie

  • LovesDubs
    LovesDubs

    Children live in worlds of fantasy. They grow up too fast as it is and have to deal with reality. Let them have their fantasies! Do you know anybody who believed in Santa and is now scarred for life because they found out he didnt exist and that it was mommy and daddy putting presents under the tree? We live in a world where the kids are raised with all kinds of superheroes that fly and protect the planet and all kids think they are those characters or love what they do! My sister and I grew up with Disney...she thought she was Peter Pan at one point and jumped off the back of the couch trying to fly LOL!

    I got out of the JWs when my kids were 9, 6-1/2 and 2 and the youngest did believe in Santa and the two older ones helped keep it a secret and enjoyed watching their little brother every year go to bed early and get up in wonder on Christmas day with stories of how he was SURE he heard Santa on the roof last night!! (what he heard was his big brother throwing basketballs up there to create the "clatter" :) My JW husband tried to tell him that Santa wasnt real and I swear it was as close to MURDER as I have gotten with that man! I yelled at him for a solid HOUR about keeping his f*cking cult beliefs to HIMSELF!!

    So now that my youngest is 13 and past that period (we also did Tooth Fairy with him and he LOVED getting letters from her from all over the world and foreign coins under his pillow) he said he misses Santa...that it was fun believing he came every Christmas.

    I suggest if you havent, watching Polar Express with your kids. It is the sweetest and most moving Christmas movie for kids Ive ever seen.

    Happy holidays!
    Loves

  • leavingwt
    leavingwt

    I've never met an adult who had been scarred by Santa Claus.

    I also remember telling a 2nd grade classmate that Santa wasn't real, and he started crying like a baby. (My older brother had already revealed the truth to me. We were not JWs at the time.)

  • Duncan
    Duncan

    Hi Sweet Pea,

    I wrote/posted this a few years ago now, so forgive the re-heat:

    The whole Christmas issue is, of course, one of the meanest, most joy-denying, life-diminishing teachings in the whole miserable JW mindset. The loss of opportunities for family bonding, memory-building and simple goodwill has been discussed on this site many times. But rather than rehash all that, I just want to talk about Santa Claus specifically. (Much more commonly referred to as Father Christmas here in the UK, btw).

    It seems to me that the idea of Santa is one of the most brilliant and joy-giving creations of our whole western culture. A tangible, visible figure, easily conceived and recognised by a 2 year old, representing goodness, families and warmness, a spirit of giving and unconditional love. An everyday figure of flesh-and-blood that you can meet in any department store, but - for young children - possessing magical qualities nonetheless.

    Now, it’s possible to take a much more jaundiced view of all this, to point out that Santa can represent a spirit of getting, not giving, of greed, ingratitude and envy. No doubt that can be true, too. We’ve all met kids (and adults) like that.

    My point here is that in the great Scales of Life - on balance - Santa accounts for much more joy and goodness than pain and hurt. And certainly, in remembering the dull and colourless non-Christmases of my youth (raised in The Truth), you can bet that we absolutely go to town in our household at Christmas: Trees, decorations, presents and lights. And Santa.

    The kids these days are old enough to know it’s me in the suit, but we do it anyway – because, I guess, it’s our tradition and it’s also such a brilliant laugh.

    A lifetime ago, back in The Truth, I remember an elder discussing these things with me while I was pioneer youth. How terrible these worldly people are! They teach their children a lie! How do you think these poor kids will feel when they realise one day that they’ve been duped? There is no Father Christmas, it’s all a deception! They’ll never trust their parents again! No wonder the whole world is in such a screwed up state when we deliberately teach our kids falsehoods like this! How grateful we can be to Jehovah that….[blah blah]

    His argument has always stuck in my mind over the years. I didn’t like it, but I had to admit that it was a powerful argument: “How can you deliberately promote a lie like that? Surely it’s harmful? In what other circumstance could you possibly feel that it’s acceptable to encourage ideas in your youngsters that you knew were not true? You’re sponsoring a falsehood, like the Father of the Lie, Satan.”

    It’s an argument used by many Witnesses. But think about it for a minute.

    In what circumstances DO you encourage ideas in your youngsters that you absolutely KNOW are untrue? And furthermore, do this daily, routinely, without a thought?
    The answer is so mundane and everyday, you might not even have guessed it yet.
    Here’s a clue:

    “Look at me, Daddy! I’m a horsey!”

    “Hey Jamie, great horse! Look at me, I’m a horsey too! You can be a cowboy and ride on me!”

    Its called PLAYING. We all play with our kids, every day.

    Now, there’s an adult part of us that knows that Jamie is not LITERALLY, TRUTHFULLY a horse, but we’re not shocked by what he says. We don’t rush in to correct him “I’m sorry Jamie, but that’s just not true – you see, horses are four-legged animals that live out on the plains…”

    We all understand games and playacting. It creates no conflict within us that the statements made while playing are not literally true. We enter the spirit of the game.
    (Finally, getting to my point) And, of course it’s the same thing with Santa Claus.
    It is the EXACT same thing.

    Santa Claus is an elaborate, years-long game played by parents and children. It brings huge enjoyment to both sides. When the kids are too old for the game, they instinctively understand the spirit of it. And those kids grow up to play the game all over again with THEIR kids.
    Have you ever, EVER, even once, heard of a child who grew up complaining of being damaged by the “deception” over Santa? No, and neither have I. Because it isn’t that kind of of cruel deception, it’s a loving, playful, giving, GAME.

    Ever seen a kid who’s too old to believe himself in Santa, but has a younger cousin or friend round and the parents say : “Now, Timmy still believes in Santa, so you go along with it too!” - and watch the older kid enter into the spirit of it? They know the way the game works.

    Don’t fall for the Witness argument. Santa is a brilliant, joy-bringing, life-enhancing marvellous part of Christmas.

    Enjoy the game

    Duncan
    (who needs less padding every year in that suit)

  • WTWizard
    WTWizard

    Santa is a nice work of fiction. And that's how it's best to present it.

    Yes, it is proper to leave gifts in the name of Santa, if that helps tell the story. However, it is a good idea to be honest about it and tell them that this is what Santa does in the story, and that in reality the presents were left there by the parents. And yes, it is OK to let them watch Santa specials on TV as though they were stories.

    However, I do not condone the use of Santa to keep children in line. Doing that makes absolutely no sense--since it is more likely to confuse them and undermine your later attempts to be honest about the subject later. Plus, that is likely to add weight to the validity of Santa as a real being instead of as a fictional character.

  • momzcrazy
    momzcrazy

    This is also our second Xmas. My girls are 13 and 10 so Santa is out. But my son is 3.

    I was always so opposed to the Santa lie. But now I find myself saying the obligatory words, "If you are a good boy....".

    I am not bothered by Santa anymore. My son also believes in the tooth fairy, but he insists that you get a rock under your pillow, not money. I think it is made too big a deal of, and I don't know of any kids scarred for life by finding out Santa is Mom and Dad. It's part of the mystique and magic of Christmas.

    And honestly, it gets us off the hook when he wants a huge present. If Santa doesn't bring it, he can be mad at him, not us!

    momz

  • sweet pea
    sweet pea

    Thank you all for your brilliant comments - I think I know where we're headed on this subject now even though I'll be faking it til we make it!!

    and Duncan, can we come round to yours for Christmas sometime? Sounds like a fun place to be!

    I remember growing up and wanting desperately to celebrate Christmas, I usually spent most of the days around that time at my best friends house next door as they had the most magical tree and the presents at the bottom just made me all excited even though I knew they weren't for me. I can't remember what I thought of Santa.

    Having spoken to a few non-JW's recently they remember Christmas as being the most magical, special time of their childhood - it just seems very mean not to let our kids have the same memories.

    oh, and I shall be getting hold of The Polar Express, thanks for the tip.

    Mrs. Claus x

  • Pubsinger
    Pubsinger

    It's not lying - it's magical!

    When they find out it's not true they'll be old enough to understand a fairytale and you can be sure they'll share the magic with their kids.

    They should definitely be told that the tooth fairy is a wicked lie though because it costs you a fortune LOL

  • momzcrazy
    momzcrazy
    They should definitely be told that the tooth fairy is a wicked lie though because it costs you a fortune LOL

    My son adamently refuses the idea of money under his pillow. He MUST receive rocks when he loses his teeth.

    He's 3, I hope he keeps that idea when he's 5!

  • Pubsinger
    Pubsinger

    Rocks!!??

    Come on Momzcrazy, what porkys have you been telling him LOL

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