When Julian say something disrespectful to me, which is normal for kids to do, I tell him, "Okay, this is over the top, this conversation. I am going to cool off. I suggest you do the same." And I don't take it personally. Later I tell him how it makes me feel if he is disrespectful. Most of the time he is a sweet kid. But if he is tired or hungry or frustrated, he like any other kid can get testy. Teenagers are going to be mouthy. It's their job. To think they will never mouth off is being unrealistic.
Do You Like Teenagers?
by snowbird 78 Replies latest social family
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Snoozy
FHN I have another grandaughter from my son. She has to work for everything because her mom and dad are divorced. They can't afford to buy her a car let alone insurance.She does have her license and does occasionally drive her mom's car. Now she is trying to get another job close to home or on the bus line so she can save for a car.
I doubt if she will be able to go to college unless she can get scholorships..she is average in intelligence and makes good grades..and she is a delight to be around. She shops at walmart and watched her brother after school for years as her mom works. She has already had several jobs after school and in the summer so she is used to working and going to school.
The difference between her and the other two is like night and day.
Snoozy...
Edited to add..FHN..my daughters teens don't just mouth off occasionally..they tell my daughter what they are going to do and what they aren't going to do. She will tell them no but she will tell them over and over and over and yet they always win..she gives up. And rather than make them unhappy she lets them have their way.( The picking your fights with teems excuse) If they just mouthed off it would be one thing..but they are way over the top! The really bad part is the dad just ignores it or just talks my daughter into giving in . He does not take up for my daughter..if he doesn't back her up and help her out rather than make a joke of it they won't respect her either...
Grandma will step in if I ever hear of it again.. Watch out!
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Bumble Bee
I love my niece and nephew, both teens, and acually like hanging out with their friends as well. All in all they are a really good group of kids, and my brother and sister in law have done an awesome job in raising them. They take care of themselves, are self sufficient, can cook, keep the house clean, get good grades in school. I loved looking after them in october when their parents were away on vacation.
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dinah
My daughter called me a bitch when she was 12. My husband stepped between us.
*see reference above about the 12 year old daughter*
She would never say that now. They go through phases and hormones and wanting to be FREE!
I'll admit I've given her more leeway because of my JW childhood. But not long after that encounter with the name calling, we made an agreement. She won't lie to me about anything important, let me know where she's going and come to me FIRST if she has a problem she can't work out on her own.
She talks to me constantly now. School, grades, teachers, friends and her boyfriend. She bares her little beautiful soul. I've never tried to force her to believe in anything. She knows alot about the JW thing and how it affected me. We had a long talks about it. She gets it.
Now with my 12-year old son, we play video games and tell fart jokes---all is well.
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dinah
Snoozy, with all due respect...you're daughter shouldn't be doormat for her kids. Those first years as a mother make you run your ass off. They will have NO respect for her if she doesn't stand up. WTF is their Daddy doing?
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FlyingHighNow
Someone might tell your daughter, Snoozy, that she is setting her kids up to check into the school of hard knocks when they hit the REAL world. She isn't shielding them from anything. Choosing battles is good. But that simply means that you don't pick on kids for petty things, so when the big things happen, they will be more likely to listen to you. Big things like drinking, doing drugs, having sex, vandalism and shoplifting, etc.
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dinah
Yep, Flyin' and if you don't catch them on the small stuff, they do BIG stuff to see if you are paying attention.
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LDH
I love teenagers, with all my heart.
It's few and far between the teen that can make me snap like a dry twig. LOL. I reserve that for adults.
I acknowledge them all, and even though my daughter's still a teen she's been out of high school for some years now....and all over town I see all of her friends that were welcome in our home.
I get hugs and random acts of love from them, because I never judged. Just listened, and spoke when I thought it best.
Adults are the ones that create the few really ugly teens. I never had problems, and many came and stayed with us as a cool down from their home life.
Teens help you grow. Mostly they just need a sounding board while they figure out who they are. We have very few rules in our house. Never a curfew, blah blah blah. Our rules were more esoteric in nature.
1. Don't hurt any human being if you can help it, including yourself!
2. Don't take anything that doesn't belong to you.
3. Ask for help if you need it.
4. Act in an ethical manner.
Yeah that's about it. Too many rules make your kid thing about breaking those rules.....
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FlyingHighNow
With curfews, I told my nephew when he moved in with me, "You set your own curfew. I trust you will come in at a decent hour. I will only set a curfew if you take advantage of us. We don't stay out to the wee hours of the morning and make you worry, so don't that to us either." He always came home by 10. That was what he set for himself and he never stayed out late.
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dinah
Flyin'
I think LDH belongs in the Ya Ya Sisterhood.