An elder once told me that the Jw's did not exist to provide a social network - the KH was strictly a place to meet& serve Jehovah. He deplored the use of friendship to bring new ones in. That is a old hard line JW for sure but it does illustrate a common attitude. However if you are in the right circles you can be invited to endless parties.
Being new we invited 30 brothers over for dinner. We got an invite once?!
by Witness 007 34 Replies latest jw experiences
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no more kool aid
When we were at our old hall my husband and I sat down one day and realized we had invited every single person (Single moms, older folks, unbelieving mates) there to our home at one time or another. Maybe for a BBQ, the whole book study for pizza , hosted many baby showers and rented a hall several times and invited everyone. I could count on one hand the invites we ever received. We never really thought about it, just kind of figured it was our gift to give. Then we moved to a new hall and my husband was not a servant anymore ( his choice). We were here 5 years before one person invited us over. Then it was mostly money making schemes like Tupperware parties, pampered chef etc. Now we have a few friends from work and neighbors and there is just this ease about it "hey come over for dessert or "I made a big lasagna come over". And many many times I was sitting at home with a ham in the oven and wine chilling and they would call and say "sorry we can't make it". One time a sister was verifying her excuse to me at the meeting the next morning and another sister passed by and said to her" we had a great time last night" Busted!
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shopaholic
"Instead of complaining about someone not inviting you over, you need to ask "How busy am I in the ministry?", "What new topic can I consider for my personal study?". The congregation is not a social club, it is about accomplishing your ministry and saving lives. The world is full of recreation and look where it has gotten them, knocked up, drugged up and hopeless."
This was the gist of a local needs talk at my congo a few of years ago. After that people rarely invited anyone over or out for anything. Everyone was left to entertain themselves. Single folks were up a creek and at least single parents had their kids and married folks had their mates. So during that time, we had teens runaway, single adults move in with non-JW partners, single adults move in with JW partners, a pair no one knew was dating showed up married one sunday, families missing meetings left and right. Less folks showing up for service to the point where most days there was only 1 or 2 people out, even on weekends. It got pretty bad. Folks starting transferring out and I eventually left the congo as well.
On the other hand, before that I was in congo PartyTime where there were tons of social activities. If I had not relocated and still went to that congo PartyTime I doubt I would have seen the org for what it truly is. But in all honesty, that particular congo was like a social club and the place to be but it also had 30+ pioneers and people who lived across town wanting to transfer in. One of the new young elders even started a pioneer support system. He would post a schedule on the board each week where pioneers could write in what time they were going to be out in service along with the activity (rv, bs, phone, etc) if they needed a partner and then pubs and pios could assign themselves to go with you. At the end of the month, the "token publishers" would fill up the empty slots. I thought it was a cool arrangement until the CO had the elders get rid of it....sorry I'm rambling...
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Odrade
""Instead of complaining about someone not inviting you over, you need to ask "How busy am I in the ministry?", "What new topic can I consider for my personal study?". The congregation is not a social club, it is about accomplishing your ministry and saving lives. The world is full of recreation and look where it has gotten them, knocked up, drugged up and hopeless.""
Must have been a manuscript, because I vividly remember the same turn of words a couple of years before we left, in a talk given probably back around 1999/2000. -
yknot
Now Now....
JWs are not really encouraged to fellowship with each other except at meetings and FS. Of course you are suppose to fill every waking hour with menial low-pay work, FS, meetings, studying for meetings, and making sure your clothes are clean for meetings and FS.
It is damned awkward! JWs as humans and not 'publishers, elders, ms & pioneers'.........no no no we are JWs first and humans somewhere else down the line on priorities.
And RED WINE....... you would have been in the backroom fast in my Hall. That is a stumbling offense in my hall.
If JWs fellowship outside of meetings and FS....... well swinging can happen as well as independent study groups and all sorts of apostate and hedonistic activity.
We had only 6 gatherings from 1981-2008 in my hall. ..... all had activities alluded to in the next week's meetings as inappropriate or stumbling. It is an unwritten rule that if you invite one person to dinner you must invite all he KH, lest you stumble others. It is a standing rule that only the COTBOE is allowed private individual dinner invitations to his home.... and being invited isn't a good thing!
When we have teenagers who are hanging out together in the KH and cruise town, MSs are assigned to patrol their locations.
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Country Girl
I must have gone to the Party Kingdom Hall. We were doing things with others every weekend: skiing, clubbing, swim parties, slumber parties, etc. Not just our congregation, but maybe four or five surrounding congregations! The whole time I was growing up our Hall got together in the park for picnics and softball games, etc. My Grandmother's hall got together at someone's house after every Sunday meeting for softball and food. Guess I was lucky that way. Of course, that was the late 70's, early 80's and I was out in around 81.
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mustang
Of course, that was the late 70's, early 80's and I was out in around 81.
Similar time frame, here. When I left ~35 years ago, there was still a fair amount of socializing (wide scale gatherings) and definitely smaller 'group things' that happened on the "extracurricular" side.
The congo I was in had a SPECIAL circumstance that made that either possible or a necessity; I won't go into that, for not revealing too much personal detail, U know :)
But I take it the Association Police have tightened up things so that they discourage gatherings, maybe even small 'hanging out' sessions.
So, now every JW-ite is to go to meetings, then retire to their own little warren and discourage approach, I take it.
Frankly, the extracurricular was the only thing that made WTS-ing survivable.
I've learned a new objection to tell to the JW who might some decade show up at my door.
Mustang
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mustang
It just occurred to me: some threads in the past have indicated that JW's were little more than a "social club" or "social thing". Frankly, that is where religions function best.
But now, WTS has become a "social club" where you can't socialize? What's your definition of HELL
Mustang
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Awakened at Gilead
The good side of this was I had virtually no good friendships to lose when I left the cult. If I had many good strong friends in, I quite possibly may have just stayed 'in' just to keep the friends. So they really helped me make my escape easier
Same here!
Keeping JW friends when you don't believe it anymore must be hard as hell for those who try...
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LouBelle
Lisavegas that is so true, my mum battled and eventually faded pretty much because being a single mum was just too much, getting to assemblys was a nightmare, not one brother / family helped. However I was fortunate, I made plans, organised dinners / partys. WtWizard - you've been putting a lot of negativity out lately. Perhaps encourage your wife to invite ppl over, even if you have to go out?