Snapped. It just occurred to me that I REALLY hate my life. Mostly all of it.

by easyreader1970 52 Replies latest jw friends

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  Quirky1

  I do not know what to say. I've been in these shoes but my children are older and stopped going before I did. I had already begun to hate my life and wished it would end. I tried to drown it in alchohol.But, I thought about the lie I was living and chose to never return to the KH. I just couldn't do it anymore, especially after I read CofC. When I quit I felt like my world was shattered and I felt alienated from everything and everybody I knew. I do know that it does get better.

  Just hang in there.
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  AK - Jeff

  I reflected on what the various posters here have stated.

  Interesting comments from 'Meeting Junkie No More'. He may have a point. You might be able to make her sick of the 'truth' delivery 24/7. You state she is the 'perfect jw' or something like that. Those who consider themselves to be the ultimate authority on things often hate others trying to preach to the choir.

  Might be worth a try - though I seriously doubt I could stand to do this myself.

  Suicide is never the answer. It solves your problems, but leaves them for others.

  Jeff
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  JimmyPage

  Farkel thank you for not killing yourself. You are an asset to this board and are no doubt even more valuable to those who know you in the real world.
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  easyreader1970

  Thanks for all of the encouraging comments.

  @slimboyfat: I was always the Witness who didn't necessarily believe everything that came from the Watchtower, but I did feel that they were somehow "better" than most of the organized religions. It wasn't until later that I realized that the very thing that made them better (strict control) was the very thing that was causing me to have the problems I did. You were supposed to accept every thing they said, even if you had a problem with it. It didn't matter. Something doesn't make any sense? Suck it up and deal with it.

  But I really didn't start investigating the religion on my own until I was in a congregation with some elders that were nothing close to the JW version of "Christian" if you ever saw them outside of the Kingdom Hall. Weren't these people supposed to be "spirit anointed?" Why would the spirit have anointed any of these people? I mean we're talking lying, cheating, stealing, swearing, the whole nine yards. Is Jehovah's spirit stupid?

  So it wasn't the Watchtower that led me down this dark path but, ironically, rogue agents of it.

  Then I started reading and reading and reading. I've been doing that for the past few years. Just last year I secretly bought the CoC book and it really blew my mind.
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  Homerovah the Almighty

  Easyreader1970 you are an honest truth seeker with perhaps a bit more intellect than your wife,

  Religion for some is an addiction, a mental crutch that gives support to people who do not want to think for

  themselves , rather to let the religion do the thinking for them, it removes responsibility from individuals,

  directly and indirectly and that is part of the reason that some people have a hard time removing themselves

  from this environment. JWS are mindfully locked into thinking that the JWS is the best lifestyle there is

  and swaying away from it is direly evil and wicked. This is further than the truth as possible !

  You've obviously have opened your eyes to this corruptly devised religion based off ignorance and fear and

  have seen its apparent damaging effects to individuals , now you just have to wait for your wife to realize this too.

  Good luck and all the best..........HTA
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  Magwitch

  Dear Easyreader 1970:

  Get out of that religion! It won't be easy at first, there will probably be a lot of fighting. But, your kids and wife will respect you in the long run when they realize you are being true to yourself. You do not have to leave your wife or kids, just put your foot down and take the wind out her sails. My advice is to say "I am finished with this religion, and there will be no visits between me and the elders, end of discussion". Life is short - have some fun!
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  daniel-p

  No one can resolve your situation for you. You have to be proactive--and yes, that means things might get worse before they get better. But it's more important that your kids have a healthy, happy, and real father than a vacant, depressed, and unhealthy one.

  Just my two cents.
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  Doubting Bro

  Easyreader 1970,

  I wish I some advice to offer. I do know somewhat how you feel. Sometimes, I wish I was still deluded. Life would be so much simpler. But, you can't unring the bell. I'm lucky because my wife isn't hard core and apart from the JW routine, we have a very average normal life. Still, the self-loathing, depression, feeling of having no control and just not wanting to wake up in the morning can take its toll (at least it has on me).

  There are no easy answers my friend.
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  wobble

  I too feel tremendous sympathy for you,what an awful position to be in!

  I think it could work to put into practice what an earlier poster suggested,you take the family study,set the subjects,and make sure they all scripturally oppose what the WT says,as has been mentioned, Jesus is mediator for ALL mankind, Paul said in Galations don't go beyond what we taught you,ask the kids as homework to find Paradise Earth mentionerd in the NT etc. etc.

  If you need more material you have a whole archive of it here!

  Good luck,and keep your spirits up,if you still beieve ,then pray about it,if you don't believe then pray anyway.

  Love

  Wobble
• 

  passwordprotected

  My wife now admits that nothing I ever did in "the truth" was ever good enough, even when I was an elder and we were visiting other congregations while I gave the PT on Sundays.

  I'm not sure if you noticed what you wrote in your OP, but you said her mind shuts down when anything anti-Org comes up. But you also said that she isn't happy about the BSG ending. If she's allowing herself to feel some sort of negative emotion about something the Org has down - i.e. drop the BSG - then you may have the beginnings of a crack appearing.

  I was troubled by the BSG decision and I told my wife I was really unsettled by it. She was very resistant to what I had to say at first. I felt bad about that, so I threw myself into 'doing more', once again. One of the things we started doing was proper family Bible reading. Once we started doing that SHE started noticing things in the Bible that were contrary to what the Org teaches.

  Eventually it was my wife - whom I'd thought would throw me out if I voiced any serious concerns about the Org - who was pointing stuff out to ME.

  Can you get your wife to talk about the BSG being dropped, the flimsy reason the Org has given for doing it? Can you get her to think about how she feels about their decision and the impact it's having on the lives of some JWs?

  I'm really sorry to read how you're feeling.